lake spirits and lost spirits (emy)

@"Emy"

"I would like to sleep that long and start over when I wake up," Max declared, almost wistful. The idea of a time skip was massively appealing to her. If she managed to sleep that long, maybe when she woke up there would be a better world in wait, where she could start over. Fleetingly, a vision of a different world played around in her imagination. She turned to her side to look at Na Lan, and then she thought again. "...maybe not."

There were so many things to ask that Max simply couldn't speak, not knowing what to go for first. Instead, she held her tongue, waiting for him to talk. Surely it would be rude to keep asking and asking. Maybe he didn't like it and simply didn't say out of manners. All-too-familiar feelings of insecurity crept in, even if outwardly she didn't display anything. Was he earnest about his intention to accompany and lead her, or was he doing it for the sake of politeness?

How nice it would have been to know.

@"Emy"

"Not for me," Max said. "I'm confused by new things. I like them and I'm scared of them... I don't even know how to actually interact with the unfamiliar. I've thought about it in the past, and it's always there, whether it's new people, new things, or new places... I want them but I can't get rid of my doubt."

Crippling doubt had long characterized much of Max's life. It was either that or resignation that ruled her, and in those few in-between moments were the times that she had experiences such as these.

Heading to a cafe with a friend was yet another of these new experiences. A small nagging voice inside told her not to think of the word "friend" without knowing whether the label was mutual, which was hard to know. The voice was drowned out almost instantly by her cocktail of curiosity and hesitation.

She knew that hesitation would not lead anywhere. So she instead drew a deep breath and stepped inside.

A small sense of accomplishment filled her upon that first step, followed immediately by the deflating realization that she'd no idea what to do next. "What happens now?"

"I don't know what to do," Max confessed, looking around and trying to find a pattern she could meld herself into. The first thing she observed that didn't increase her doubt in herself was that everyone present seemed to be sitting down. Cautiously, she walked in and sat down, straightening out her dress. At the very least, she didn't seem underdressed or anything.

Na Lan seemed to know exactly what he was meant to do in such a place, and Max was about to ask for help, but the fear that her over-reliance on him might drive him away silenced her tongue. Instead, she looked around again, observing. There were drinks on the tables of the other people. And in some cases, tiny cakes. This place was a store then?

It would appear so, considering the menu she noticed. Well within her price range - not because she was wealthy or anything; she just very rarely spent on things. She looked down at the menu, and then back at Na Lan. "I've never tried anything here... what would you... recommend?"

"You do not... eat?" Max's question of food was displaced immediately by the revelation. Even she, in all her forgetfulness, could never quite forget the urge to eat. There were times in the past when she would go to sleep hungry because her parents neglected to buy food, and there were times that she would simply try to stave it away with a dream.

What could it be like, living without food? Her first thought was that it had to be some sort of deceit, and yet she couldn't bring herself to doubt him. She set aside the menu first, her curiosity set aflame. "How does it feel? Are you hungry, or do you never experience hunger?"

The thought of never being hungry seemed like a good thing. It also reminded her that in a while, she would feel hunger herself, and she meekly took the menu back to look. Nothing sweet - they were good but they hurt her throat. Instead, she began to peruse through the sandwiches at his recommendation.

Max would have pressed forth with her questions, but staff seemed to notice their existence and their lack of consumption, drawing close. When they asked for the order, she hung for a bit, staring unresponsively, until she remembered what exactly that meant. She lowered her head in apology and then placed an order for two sandwiches and a cup of tea.

Her head slowly turned to face her company, a little warmer and redder than it normally was, even if she didn't notice it. She asked sheepishly, "Do... do you want anything to drink?" once she realized that she hadn't placed an order for Na Lan, and was currently being selfish.