[Counselor's Office] Passerby, beware of black ice

@"Critical"

Wong Ha Jung

The problem with him, Wong Ha Jung acknowledged, was that he waited too long and too much. There was a vague idea in his head that he could have been more, that things could have been better if he had done more than just wait around and react in time to others. But in a way, he supposed that he had already -metaphorically, maybe literally some day- gone and dug his own grave, and it was deep enough down that there wasn't much else for him to do besides lie in it.

At least he was still useful to some people. The optimism in that thought was desperate and single-mindedly naive. To be honest, part of him was surprised that there was any even left. But things were getting a bit better, surely. His emotions simply felt like they had flat lined. It was better than that other feeling of endlessly falling. So. Improvement.

It was like being in high school again.

Like he always did, Wong Ha Jung simply waited around. He shuffled the piles of papers around on his desk without really being able to focus on anything. Jacob said that he would be there that day, at some time. Soon. The two of them didn't speak too much but the counselor supposed that compared to his limited interactions with the rest of the staff, that was probably more frequently than usual anyways.

Briefly, he wondered what was so wrong that Jacob had actually sought him out. But if he left it to imagination, that just made him jittery again. No. Better not think on it until the other man could tell him himself.

Sighing, Wong Ha Jung glanced at the slush outside through the blinds. He really didn't like winter.

Wong Ha Jung

He started a little at the knock on his door, even though he had been preparing for it (all day). There was something about loud noises which deeply unsettled him now and as much as he tried, he couldn't quite throw away this foreboding feeling that something awful was waiting just around the corner. Then again, that was exactly where the infirmary was. Being where he was, that was practically screaming to be given bad news all the time.

"Yes, I'm here. Jacob?" He quickly shoved the papers into a drawer and then winced at the loudness of the slam as he shut it. Self consciously, Wong Ha Jung made an uneasy motion for the other man to come in. There was a chair across the desk from him, so he hoped Jacob wouldn't mind him not moving. It was a bit of a hassle, and that was the main reason why he had invited the teacher to his office instead of some other place.

Maybe some of his discomfort was showing, too, because he noticed that Jacob seemed a little different from usual. There was just something that felt more subdued than it had been during their previous encounters. Or it could have been whatever it was that the man had come in to talk about, too.

Really, it's not always about you, he thought to himself guiltily.

He folded his hands together on top of the desk, and tried his best to not look like he was troubled by something. It wasn't a good habit to dwell on things like that when he was talking to somebody anyways. It felt a bit rude to do so. And knowing so still probably wouldn't have helped with eradicating it.

"So what's on your mind today?"

Wong Ha Jung

Put on the spot, he blinked once, because dumbly repeating the question was not helpful in the least. "It's been a little quiet lately," Wong Ha Jung said after a thought, wistfulness evident in the comment. It had been some time since he had spoken much with anybody outside of what his job required, long enough that he was starting to feel a bit lonely despite the fact that there were always people around. Very, very softly, there slipped out another thought, "I think I'm doing something wrong." But he tried to shake off that feeling of melancholy in the next instant, with an apologetic smile and a shrug.

"Thank you, but I'm not supposed to be drinking," he said lightly. Like Jacob, he was trying to dance around the subject for a while. The last time Wong Ha Jung had had alcohol was that one time when he was sure that he had run into Kida in a bar. Maybe, There was a giant hole where his memory of that event should have been but he had a vague recollection of feeling incredibly scatterbrained from the mania. That was one of the many reasons why he had kept faithfully to his meds from that point on.

He cleared his throat and smiled a little with his eyes closed. "Doesn't mean that I don't want to right now, though. At least one of us might as well enjoy it." And beating around the bush could have gone on for so much longer along lines like that, or wondering if it would be too imposing to talk of serious things right off the bat. But Wong Ha Jung always tended to listen to his emotions first (including fear but that was irrelevant at the moment), so he opened his eyes and stared down at the surface of his desk.

"Thank you for before," he said, demure as he bowed forward for a few moments. "Back in June, you saved my life. Everybody tells me that I should have died. So." Even when he straightened, he had a hard time looking directly at the other man. But as childish as he felt, it had to be done. "Thank you for my life, Jacob. It's not always the best but sometimes I do like living. And I'm my parents' only child, too, so. Ah." All of the words just left him. "I'm sorry. I should have said something much earlier but I was scared."

And oh God, he could feel the embarrassed blush on his face as he continued. It was dizzying to some degree, just looking off to the side and waiting for it to pass. "So, um. If you need anything at all..."

The man shook his head before laughing suddenly, desperately. "I'm sorry. Just. Um. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything." He bit his lip. "I never said anything about it before and that bothered me."

Wong Ha Jung

He perked up a little at Jacob's mention of a girlfriend, because that was new enough territory to drag him out of his embarrassment. "I think I did hear something about that," he said contemplatively. "Um, from a few people, I think. Mostly students who came in." They really were the best information network around the island. It felt a little wrong that the authorities weren't more on top of things but then again, there were demi-gods among the student body.

Oh, so that's why something seems off, the counselor realized in surprise, somewhat belatedly. Jacob just seemed like such a stable person that it hadn't crossed Wong Ha Jung's mind that he might have been plagued by romantic troubles. But maybe that was just too great of an assumption to make, seeing as they had never really talked about anything serious before. However, he felt reasonably certain that while the problem could be serious, it probably wasn't incredibly so. Jacob appeared to be calm enough, after all.

Although there was also the fact that he brought alcohol with him, which was out of character as far as Wong Ha Jung knew so that was never a good sign. And oh, wait, this is the man who just casually went and fought against a rampaging dinosaur. So really, the only safe assumption to make was that he had no clue what was going on.

Glancing briefly at the pack of beer -why did he suddenly feel like he was going to regret not taking one for himself soon?- Wong Ha Jung said, "Um, how about you just start from the beginning on this? It sounds like you've got quite a story."

Wong Ha Jung

He got the message at the first hint. Though his opinion of his own judgment was currently through the floor and digging deeper, this was one of these areas that Wong Ha Jung felt relatively comfortable in wandering. Ironic, considering that most of his personal experiences in that field were... bad. So, ugly pasts. He could identify with that, unfortunately.

Nodding contemplatively as Jacob went on, he couldn't help but feel a slow dread come over him. It increased as Jacob looked away and started to fidget. Not that spontaneous panic was anything new but the counselor's imagination was running wild on where this conversation was going to end up. Drugs and sex seemed to be where most of these situations ended up. Also random bouts of violence. He hated labelling anything serious as being usual but at this point, it kind of was to him. Considering where they were, he was going to go with all of the above until told otherwise and hope that he was wrong somewhere.

But he recognized that hope as a lost cause the moment that Jacob opened his mouth again. If the other man had been looking his way, he would have seen that for once, Wong Ha Jung looked completely shocked.

Jacob...? It was a really disturbing feeling, he found, to have his perceptions of somebody torn down. Out of everybody at the Academy, Jacob been one of the ones who seemed the least likely to become involved in something like infidelity.

But that's just how people are, the cynical part of him spoke up. What, did you think it would be different once you actually got out in the world? People are better at hiding things out there. You never really know what somebody's like until they're pushed. He used to be better at remembering these things but then he had become comfortable with not moving and not changing.

There was probably a good explanation for everything. Maybe. Yes. Absolutely. No, sometimes not. In this case, there most likely was. Now what?

He had to say something, anything. Because sitting around in silence was a terrible reaction and it said everything awful that he didn't want to say. Something that was sympathetic and understanding would have been good.

Instead, he blurted out the first thing on his mind, "Were you on drugs?" When he realized what he had done just a second later, he slapped a hand over his eyes in embarrassment. Because, really, it was a perfectly logical question and it was important to ask things like that but did he have to just say it like that?