The fragrant harbor cannot conceal its rot

Wong Ha Jung

So wrapped up in her own things, Wong Ha Jung didn't notice Kida's lack of attention. She simply rambled on, taking on his comments in stride. It was enough for her, really. And if she still remembered this conversation in the morning -or whenever the mania let off, ah. It could take a while- she would likely be too embarrassed to ever talk to the doctor again. But only if she remembered.

I should really stop drinking, Wong Ha Jung acknowledged, not for the first time, as she took another gulp. "Oh, Oliver's the one who turned into a dinosaur a month back," she said. And right there was a good reason for why it had been so hard to go back to taking pills the other day. Manic episodes were actually quite nice. Maybe some things became more irritable to her but generally, she just felt kind of high and far above her usual concerns. Like, yeah. Students who turned into dinosaurs and went on bloody rampages.

She did frown for a moment, though, as she studied the liquid in her glass. It was colored but that wasn't a very good indication of what it was. "Is this actually real, you think? Alcohol, I mean. It's kind of blueish. Or that green? In Chinese and Japanese, they're actually the same word. After a while, they're supposed to switch it out for water, or so I heard." She paused for a split moment. "I think already had four before you came. Or three. No, four!"

Abruptly, she burst out laughing, a grin on her face that would be most accurately described as loopy. Immediately after, she cringed, feeling like a weight had been put in her skull. Ahhh... It hurts... But at least she knew she was getting somewhere. Hopefully not the hospital. "Actually, four is unlucky, maybe it's three instead. I hope so, it's better, really. I don't know why I'm still thinking right now. It's been about a decade since my last binge. Maybe after I broke up with my first boyfriend. Or the one after. I don't remember anymore; one of them was kind of bad and the other one was kind of awful and they tend to overlap in my mind sometimes."

Wong Ha Jung

"I know," she said after a moment of thought. "But if I stop now, I'll still be able to remember and regret this in the morning. Maybe. Whenever this thing lets up, I don't know." Staring down at her lap, she crossed her ankles and smiled. "In any case, I'd rather not go home for a while. I went back the day before yesterday and the quiet was starting to get to me. I don't know, maybe I should just drink myself back into the hospital. It's all just the same at this point. Grandfather would throw a fit but he already disowned me a few weeks ago so I can't see what else he can do."

And that didn't matter, it really didn't. It didn't bother her at all. Because, well. Communal societies be damned. That wasn't a loss at all. She still had her parents so everything was fine.

"Boyfriends suck," Wong Ha Jung declared. "I've never had one that wasn't a creep. Well, there was one -oh nope. Never mind." She frowned, twisting her fingers in her hair distractedly. She really did like having long hair; if she could have gotten away with it as a man, she might have gone ahead and done it. "I don't know. I kind of gave up there. I just want to be useful to somebody. Everything else is unimportant, I guess. It's just not a big deal."

Wong Ha Jung

"I -yes, thank you?" It probably would have been smart to keep the next part to herself but as proven by everything else that had already happened that night, her self control had more or less been thrown out the window. She tilted her head to the side, feeling moments of clarity and dizziness fighting against each other in her skull. "I-I think that should be helpful but for some reason, it's not really doing anything right now. Maybe if I wait?" Wide eyed and actually genuinely curious, she stared at the ceiling for a few moments.

Then, frowning at the other part of Kida's comment, Wong Ha Jung said, "I'm not sure if that's right. There's counselors at the Academy, I think. Their names are on the list, I just never see them or hear about them and sometimes I wonder if somebody's just trying to pull a fast one on me. Although, there was that one counselor who quit a little after I was hired. A Japanese man; I can't remember the name but at least I know he existed. Everything else, though, it's just weird because the-

She was distracted by a group that had entered the bar in the middle of her rambling. It was just a couple of men. One of them was an abnormally tall one wearing lab goggles and scowling. The other had a ponytail and a mustache and Wong Ha Jung could have sworn that she had seen him leaving when she was coming in. "Oh, I was saying something." By the time she remembered to bring her attention back, the thought that she had was gone.

"I think maybe I should go back to school eventually," the counselor started again, thinking that it was at least a little similar to what she had been saying before. "There's this one student that I keep seeing. He's kind of convincing me that maybe I should just go back and learn more. Maybe I could be more effective that way. I wonder if I could do that while working here. Online or something. I like working here. It's kind of nice."

Wong Ha Jung

And then all of a sudden, Wong Ha Jung was back to feeling really, really good for no particular reason. It came about completely independent of anything Kida had been saying, because honestly, he hadn't said much anyways and even if he had, she was starting to zone out on stuff. Oh, maybe the alcohol wore off, she thought automatically. Despite the fact that if she were in her right mind, that would clearly be a ludicrous conclusion. Actually, it was kind of ludicrous to her then, too. Maybe I’m just used to it now, she amended with a quiet giggle.

“I don’t really see how that would be so bad, actually,” she confessed with a shrug. Even though she spent a few moments trying to see it from Kida’s perspective –Oh, right he’s a doctor; isn’t his opinion supposed to mean more to me?- she still didn’t really see how it applied to her.

“It’s more or less what I’ve been doing the last month and a half anyways. Well, I guess if you substitute bed for couch in some places, that would be exactly it. At least I’d get something back for the time instead of just wasting it. And, well. I’m not really healthy now anyways so I don’t see how it could hurt me any more than what I’ve already got.”

Because, really screw her health. She felt absolutely fine. Wasn’t that what truly mattered?

There was about one solid moment when she could actually process the thought before the dizziness slammed back into her head at full force. And that effectively marked the point where the entire day suddenly this spotty field of black holes in her memory.