The fragrant harbor cannot conceal its rot

Wong Ha Jung

Wong Ha Jung knew that there were at least two prescriptions on his list that should never be taken with alcohol. Alcohol and mood stabilizers did not mix. Alcohol and opioids did not mix. Opioids in particular worked nastily when taken with alcohol and tended to do things like mess up vital organs. Sometimes, too, there could a few weird interactions with the lingering amounts of drugs in the body, even if the drugs themselves hadn't been taken in a few days. He couldn't recall at the moment how the stabilizers and opioids fared in that regard but that wasn't especially important at the moment. Anyways, the solution to the entire problem, obviously, was to not take any medication at all.

Which was why at that moment, the counselor was sitting on the far edge of a random bar, well on his way to getting completely smashed and trying not to think too much about the fact that he should really probably be on the stabilizers right then. In the last three days, he thought he could count only about ten hours of sleep in total and he still didn't even feel the slightest bit tired.

At least the opioids wouldn't be necessary for a while longer. Swinging his legs with an ease he hadn't had since before the hospital, Wong Ha Jung gulped down the rest of his drink. He hadn't bothered to ask the name of it beforehand and he didn't really care, honestly. He just hoped that nobody would talk to him or anything. Which actually was kind of difficult since he also kind of wasn't a man at that moment. It wasn't like he had planned for that or anything. It just happened one morning and now he was waiting for it to wear off. Again.

At least my hair is back to pink. And he -she -whatever -wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, what with the extra attention it tended to bring. At least the bartender probably wouldn't talk to her except to kick her out. The very first thing she had done after finding a seat was to press a few hundred dollars into his hands and tell him just to keep sending her drinks. It was likely that the amount she had paid was far too much but that seemed like such a minor concern. I don't think that the room was spinning just a minute ago? Oh, wait, nope. Never mind, it's stopped. She carried on drinking because clearly, she wasn't drunk enough yet.

Eventually, somebody took the seat next to her and Wong Ha Jung glanced to the side for a second. The appearance hardly registered to her. It all went by in a blur, some of it from the alcohol but a lot of it, too, was from the fact that she had taken her glasses off. Not being able to see anybody very clearly made it easier to keep to herself. Even though she didn't consciously want to talk to anybody, the truth was that she was becoming increasingly jittery. The urge to dump a bunch of emotional issues into somebody else's lap and then run off screaming in embarrassment was getting stronger by the moment. Hopefully she would be able to avoid at least the second part.

Whatever that person said to her -and maybe they hadn't said a word and it was just her imagination- was completely lost. In any case, the counselor kept her head down and replied readily in Cantonese to get the person to turn away. It worked on the last person so she didn't see why it wouldn't work on this one.

Wong Ha Jung

It was the laugh that really got Wong Ha Jung's attention, because there was a distinct familiarity in it that she was still capable of recognizing. The context, though, felt so foreign that it managed to cut right through that drunken haze on her mind. Utterly misplaced, that's what the laugh seemed to be, like somebody had gone and twisted it into something that just shouldn't have been heard. She had probably gotten that impression because her brain made the connection that this was one of those voices that usually came with a frown. At least whenever she was around.

Confused, she squinted at the person next to her for a few moments before giving up and fumbling her glasses on. The floor felt like it was lurching a little under her, so she tried to ignore both that as well as how the walls appeared to be closing in on them. They all steadied themselves in a bit of time anyways.

She stared. "Kida?" It really looked like Kida and as the seconds marched on, another person didn't magically materialize out of the air and replace him. "Kida?" There was a strange giggle building in her throat, so she muffled it with the back of her hand before taking another sip of her drink. She looked at the doctor again but didn't feel particularly inclined to say anything to him right then so she finished the glass instead, still glancing at him anxiously every few moments, more mystified by his presence than she ought to have been.

"Um. I'm sure that your first guess is correct, Wong Ha Jung said finally, sweeping the hair out of her eyes in agitation. Really, she didn't even feel the least bit embarrassed for some reason. Considering what type of week it was for the counselor, however, it was a perfectly rational reaction.

And actually, she was feeling pretty good that night. Really good. She didn't think that she would have felt this good even if she were on medication. So it was good that she wasn't because otherwise she would have just felt worse and worse was bad and good was... good? Unable to hold it in any longer, she let out an uncharacteristic laugh, one that was much louder and excitable than usual. And that was when she began rambling, quite animatedly and with only a dim understanding of why she was doing it.

"There really aren't that many people on the island with pink hair, I guess. Except Bunny. Bunny has pink hair. And I don't really have it anymore these days either so I don't really know what that counts as. But I have it now so I guess I do? Okay? I don't know. I'm not sure I liked it anyways." She nodded absently before continuing at the same hurried speed she had been using. "I do like Bunny, though. I'm not really sure when that became a conscious thought. I hope I'm not insulting her by not liking her hair color or anything because it looks fine on her, it really does, but I'm not as certain about myself even though it probably doesn't matter anymore."

The bartender replaced her drink and without thinking, Wong Ha Jung took it. All chances of anything resembling professionalism were long gone now, and it was for this exact reason that the counselor had half-heartedly tried to ignore people earlier. After all, if she had really wanted to avoid talking to anybody, she would have just stayed at her apartment. But solitude and a manic episode did not mix very well. Good judgment and a manic episode also did not make an especially well married pair.

"Oh, yes, and I'm having some issues with powers right now so that's why I look like this now." That explanation probably should have come out first. But at least it came out. "It's not annoying as I thought it would be, I wonder if that's weird at all. Also, I've awake for about three days and I don't feel terrible in the least!" She looked down at her glass contemplatively. "I should be doing things but I also don't really want to."

Wong Ha Jung

"You know, you're the second person to ask that question," she told Kida, making a face at her drink, much more befuddled than annoyed. After a moment, she took a sip from it and grimaced as the a bit of dizziness hit her. "She's a worker at some club that I accidentally walked in on. I met her at that festival a while back, though. I had a panic attack. Both times. I swear, every single time I see her, it's always when I'm embarrassing myself. I don't understand why."

"She must think I'm an idiot or something. Not that it's a false assumption or anything." God, she needed something to do. For some reason, Wong Ha Jung suddenly felt like sprinting a few dozen miles. Totally illogical and everything, of course, but she still felt it. She fidgeted a few times in restlessness, crossing her legs and then uncrossing them. Generally just trying to find a way to get rid of this energy. "But no, she's not my girlfriend. She's really nice, though. And pretty. I think I like her but that's kind of weird. One of her friends said before that we should consider something because our hair matched. They don't anymore, though, so whatever."

Sometime during her rambling, she must have finished her drink because it was empty when she brought the cup to her lips. She frowned a little, somewhat bothered by her lack of memory, but the worry didn't last too long and she pushed the glass out of the way for another. Rocking back and forth, she thought over Kida's other question before visibly brightening.

"I think I hate everything today," she said earnestly. "Well, not everything but things in general. Wait, no, that's not right." She corrected herself rapidly, "Maybe I love everything today. It's kind of confusing. I think at some pointed I wanted to say that I hated everything, though, but didn't, so now I'm making up for it. Maybe I shouldn't."

The bartender replaced her drink again and Wong Ha Jung dragged it closer. "Anyways, I'm mostly okay now," she said, playing with the glass. Just dipping the tip of her finger into the liquid and dragging it around. "It was awful for the last month but now it's better because I'm kind of having an episode and I didn't take any pills for it because they probably don't work anyways. They just make me tired. And take a week to actually do anything. They were this close to working and then this happened."

She waved a hand at herself sloppily. "Apparently it doesn't carry over or whatever but I'm really feeling good right now so it doesn't really matter anyways. I haven't been properly smashed since undergraduate school, either, so I thought it was a good opportunity to remember what it's like." Taking an impatient gulp of alcohol, she all but slammed the glass back on the counter top in her carelessness. "I don't think I'm fully there yet though."

Wong Ha Jung

She did a sort of drunken double take at Kida's words, looking at him blearily. Romantic advice wasn't exactly the kind of thing that she expected him to talk about but then again, she didn't really know much about him besides the fact that he was a doctor who worked at the Academy. Obvious, obvious things. It was kind of sad, actually, seeing as they worked in the same part of the building. Because she didn't really know how to deal with it, she just laughed.

Then the mania was back and handling everything for her. "I suppose you're right," the counselor said, smiling somewhat absently as she glanced at random spots in the bar. The movement made her head spin but she couldn't fight this compulsion to fill her thoughts with useless things, and her time with actions that didn't mean anything. Before Kida had come, she already used up all of the little restraint she had retained. If Wong Ha Jung was honest with herself, she'd think that it probably wasn't a great idea to be with other people and let their mere presence break down her inhibitions.

She drank deeply, hummed and then said carelessly, "Opportunities like this one don't really like me, I think. Trust me, I've tried maybe four times as much as I should have in the past. Maybe I did it wrong, I guess. I was always a stupid person back then, and God knows that childhood didn't do me much good in that department. Neither did adolescence, really. It was all kind of a mess." The thought of which, thanks to her current mental state, failed to hit her normal panic triggers. That was fine. And truthfully, she couldn't really understand right then why it had all been such a big deal to her.

Wong Ha Jung chalked it up to general stupidly and chuckled to herself. How much I've had to drink... She had to think on it for a short while. "Probably not enough if I can still see straight." Although that was going to stop being a problem really soon. "I'm trying very hard to knock myself out without giving myself alcohol poisoning in the process. I don't know if that's possible but I'm feeling pretty good about trying."

Normally, she would apologize for talking so much in case she was being annoying, but tonight she just shrugged. "I don't usually talk so much, not even with the alcohol. I was just in the mood for it today. And yesterday. What's today anyways? I can't remember if I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow or not." She frowned a little, thinking. There was this sluggish haze really working on her brain and she wasn't sure how to feel about it. The mania told her that everything was going fine, though, so she took its word for it. "Am I going to get fired for this?" the counselor wondered. "I kind of like my job even though it's also kind of a pain, sometimes literally. I should probably be fired. Oh well."

Wong Ha Jung

She made noise of protest, something between a snort and a laugh, since shaking her head would probably only make her sick now. It was starting to get too warm and absently, she undid a few buttons on her jacket, fingers fumbling as she did. Ugh. I think remember why I don't drink anymore. The hangover in the morning was going to be awful. But, well, back to not caring about that stuff. The worry could be held off for a while longer.

"Nothing I've ever done was worth a damn," Wong Ha Jung said, voice full of dissonant brightness. She just felt especially happy to be talking about things, even if they were probably awful. The awfulness wasn't really coming across so much anymore but it had been in her head for so long that it was nice to finally have it out there. "And I've been doing a terrible job here, too. I don't know why nobody else has noticed it. I have two things I'm supposed to be doing -helping people and keeping them safe. I'm obviously failing on both counts there."

Agitated, she picked up her half empty glass, just turning it in her hand and making it wobble dangerously. "Take what happened with Oliver Breckenridge. I see his roommate almost every day of the week, just to help with homework and the like. She says he's perfectly nice and always was, except for that one time last month." She put the glass down, poked it a few times, and picked it up again. "It just looks like he snapped all of a sudden and I don't know why. You don't -people don't just snap like that. There's build up of some kind and Anh Sang always talks about him so what did I miss?" For that matter, what had she missed with Lee Mei Mui? Every year that passed, she could pick out more and more slips.

"Damn it!" She kicked the furniture viciously, suddenly frustrated with herself. The glass slipped out of her hands and rolled over the opposite edge of the counter. She gave it an annoyed glance. "People died. That's kind of a big screw up, you know. If I could have just been less useless-" She laughed, covering part of her face with her hand as another wave of dizziness hit her.

For a minute, Wong Ha Jung was quiet, a slightly watery smile of apology on her face as somebody went to get the fallen glass. The alcohol was really doing a number, and the part about seeing straight? Yeah, not an issue anymore. She didn't really have a clear idea of how she was going to get home but she was feeling adventurous enough that she didn't care.

"I'm scheduled to meet with him eventually," she said as she got another drink. For a moment, she wondered if this one was the one that'd do her in but took a sip of it anyways. Her sense of taste was pretty messed up at the moment so it didn't taste like much to her. It could have been water for all she knew and cared. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If I run screaming from the room, that would be bad, right? Figuratively, I mean."

She hummed and said again, "I don't know. I'm supposed to get over it, right? People are supposed to get over things. You're the third person I've spoken to and it's still not helping. I don't even have much of a reason to be upset, I just am."