How to drown your priest: An expert's step by step guide written for shits and giggles

Ishikawa Yuuto

Ishikawa actually sighed, which was impressive considering that breathing was merely a placebo for him. "I am only thirty years-old and are you even listening to yourself right now?" he asked her, wondering if they were even in the same section of the library, let alone on the same page. "Just how many rational thoughts had to die for that kind of leap in logic? All of them, I would guess." He did understand how she was still a student, however. Failing every analytical essay ever assigned in one's academic career would tend to do that.

"Ah, acting is it?" He remarked, pinching his nose. "So you were only pretending to be an arrogant fool? I could not tell. The greatness of your talent deserves applause."

Ishikawa Yuuto (with An Nam Il)

"Just what is it with you and your fascination of pedophilia?" Ishikawa demanded, throwing up his hands. "Do you accuse that of everybody over the age of nineteen? Or just the men? Am I supposed to think that you pulled this with your husband as well?" No wonder she was divorced, he did not add. The implication was definitely there, however. It actually lowered his esteem of her not at all because, Ishikawa thought viciously, there was no way to he could possibly think any less of her than he already did.

There were a million things that he would have liked to say to her but picking out the ones that he wanted to say the most (it was very difficult to find a dignified way to tell somebody to her face that she was the bitchiest woman he had ever met) that the verbal spat lulled. It was at that time that a familiar and very unwelcome voice broke in.

"Um, sorry, is this a bad time?" Nam Il asked, causing Ishikawa to start. His distant relative shuffled nervously, looking from side to side like a panicked animal, as if he expected to be eaten at any moment. His hands were clasped behind his back and after a few moments, he restlessly changed his posture a few times before settling back. "I accidentally, um, did something but -er, it can wait?"

Ishikawa stared. "叔父さん、何をなさりましたか？" He asked at last. Seeing Nam Il wince at the politeness level was, admittedly, something that gave him a degree of satisfaction. "妖怪をお見つけになりましたか？" He could never understand how much trouble that the boy caused, in spite of his genius level intelligence.

Nam Il laughed nervously. "A-ah, you know, you're technically my teacher," he said, voice falling down to a squeak under Ishikawa's gaze. "You can drop the keigo, really."

"私は厄払いをご準備いたしましょうか？" He continued on, merciless.

"Um, no, actually, there aren't any around here right now," Nam Il said. "But there might be later." The boy leaned slightly to the side, seemingly seeking out some kind of salvation and evidently finding it in the worst way possible. Ishikawa could tell from the way his eyes went wide a little upon falling on that woman.

Blithely and infuriatingly innocent, Nam Il asked him, "Wait, is that your girlfriend or something? Is that why you're mad at me?"

Ishikawa Yuuto (with An Nam Il)

"No, I am disappointed in your continued stupidity," Ishikawa snapped at his relative. "As a member of this family, you should know very well that your powers are not a toy." This was the reason why he disliked children. It was also the reason why he taught high school classes anyways, because children were idiotic and idiots did things like putting themselves in needless danger because gods-knew-why. Somebody had to put an end to it.

He sighed. "Fine, what is it and where did you put it?" Maybe the issue with Nam Il was simply a matter of upbringing. The boy's parents, before choosing to quietly settle down with him, were actually known for going out of their way to hunt down rogue spirits in their youth.

"Er, it's an egui," Nam Il said. "Last I saw, it was feeding off the dumpster behind the elementary school dorm. Like. Literally feeding off of it."

Ishikawa waited.

"There's a yeti trying to fight it," the boy continued eventually. "And there's a poltergeist in the garbage truck. The driver ran out screaming. I told him I'd find somebody to deal with it. And there was also-"

Ishikawa broke in impatiently, "Are any of these students or staff?"

"I think the yeti was," Nam Il said after a thought. "I think an angel passed by, too, but it left pretty quickly. Also-"

It was at that point Ishikawa gestured sharply. "Yes, I know, many beings, mostly overly excited, one student, at least two others which are not. You two stay here," he said, pointedly bringing the woman back into the conversation, "I suppose I will have to go and kill something now."

Ishikawa Yuuto (with An Nam Il)

"I really do not care what you do," Ishikawa told the woman quite emphatically. "If you become possessed, however, I will douse you with soulfire and that will be your responsibility to deal with afterwards. Nam Il, I need salt and your knife." Prohibited or not, he absolutely was sure that his relative had one on him anyways. It was only common sense to be armed, despite everything the Academy said about the matter and even if some students put that common sense to waste over blowing up classrooms and having brawls in one of the more deserted hallways.

Sheepishly, Nam Il reached into his pocket, flicking open the knife he drew out and handed it over hilt-first, offering a plastic bag of rock salt in his other hand. Ishikawa plucked both items from his fingers and, in a single fluid moment, stuck an ofuda to the boy's forehead. After a moment of hesitation, he shoved another slip into the hand of the woman with them. "Hold onto that," he said, without looking to see if she really did.

His next course of action was to shear off the branch of a nearby peach tree. Quickly shaving off the leaves and nearly ripe fruits, he managed to fashion it into a sharply pointed rod just a little longer than the full length of his arm. It was far from the best weapon he could have had but peach was a sacred wood and its mere presence was unattractive to spirits. Satisfied for the time, he began making his way to the elementary dorm.

"Um, Y-Yuuto?" Nam Il was following him from a little way's off. "Are you going to give me back my knife? I kind of need that for something."

Ishikawa glanced over his shoulder. "You fail the next test." Though, to be fair, he probably should have simply failed him out of the entire course with the amount of trouble he was making. Not to mention, besides running and hiding, Nam Il was proving to be incredibly inept with actually dealing with the supernatural.

The boy winced. "Fair. I'd take that. Um, please?"

Wordlessly, Ishikawa snapped the knife shut and dropped it in the grass.