Non-Date Night (Loch)

Nightstripe · Oct 26, 2015

Emily just, starred at Loch for several weird moments, still choking back her tears. He was still upsetting her, she found that weird, especially when her reason was so trivial. But at the same time it was something that just felt really important to her.

Eventually, she lowered herself down next to the wall so sit. She was within arms reach of Lochlann, but only just. It wouldn't be fair of her to not give him a chance to explain, especially when she had just been asking him so many questions.

There was a small silence when he apologized to her. She felt she should respond to it, but at the same time she wasn't sure she was ready to forgive him. "I... B-Believe you..." Was all she ended up saying.

@"ReD"

ReD · Oct 26, 2015

"I did--I do--want to be friends," Lochlann said.

He wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the wall across from them. He took his flask from his pocket and stole a drink.

"This is just who I am, which isn't an excuse, but I want you to understand. When you said you wanted to be just friends, I was trying to respect that," Lochlann said. He stole another drink and then tucked it back into his pocket.

He wiped his mouth on his sleeve even though nothing was there. It just felt good to do...something. he was scared, so, so scared.

And tired.

"I'm not good with words, it's the only way I have to tell people things," he said. And then, Lochlann tried to explain.

"You were American. Did you kiss your family members? Would not they have stolen your first kiss then, not I? If you want your first one to be special, it will be special, Emily. Your real first kiss will be with someone you care about."

He wasn't sure if this helped, or if it sounded condenscending.

Lochlann wished he could kiss her again to make her understand.

He hung his head and sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said. 'I promise I won't bother you any more after this."

A thought came to him and, then, he couldn't help himself.

Lochlann snorted.

"I guess your card reading was right......" he said. "Girl trouble."

Nightstripe · Oct 26, 2015

Emily wrapped her arms around her knees and hugged them to her chest. She just let Lochlann say everything he had to say, choosing to let her wander to the other end of the hall rather then look at him.

"... No... That not how kisses work... I mean yeah s-some of my family kiss e-each other in greeting, b-b-but that's on the cheek a-and... A-And that's n-not what I mean and... *hic*..." She turned her head to glance at Lochlann, only to bring it back forward to stare at the wall.

"I-I-I'm not l-like other girls L-L-Lochlann... It-t's not the s-same for m-me bec-cause *hic*... B-Because I kn-know what people a-are feel-ling and... *hic* a-a-and I-I'll be comparing y-your emotions t-t-to the next person's and I... I don't *hic* I d-don't have a lot of friends here a-and I don't kn-know *hic* why y-you're scared a-a-and..."

The tears were streaming now, somewhere in her emotional ramblings she'd just lost control of them again. She tucked her face into her knees as she tried to control the sobs the was emitting. "... and loneliness tastes so bitter..."

@"ReD"

ReD · Nov 16, 2015

Between her hiccuping and her crying, Lochlann could barely understand what Emily was saying.

All he knew was that his heart was racing and he wanted to hug her and he also wanted to jump out a window.

He swallowed.

With the slow concentration of someone playing operation, Lochlann reached out and put his hand on Emily's back to rub a small circle, if she'd let him.

"Emily I'm sorry," he said.

His heart said, thumpthumpthump.

He didn't know how to find the words to tell her just how sorry he was for making her like this. If Lochlann had one weakness greater than iron, it was tears.

Nightstripe · Nov 16, 2015

Emily just sobbed into her knees for a long time, raising one of her hands to touch his arm, to feel that he was there. Eventually the crying began to die down and she came up out of her knees again. "...... I-I know you are... I... I'm so e-embarrassed about this... C-Crying in the middle of the hallway..."

She attempted to dry her eyes with a hand, really just managing to smear what little mascara she had on. "I'm s-sorry... This must be s-so awkward for you too...... I-I-I didn't want it to b-be like this..... I just... I-It's how I feel..." She ducked back into her knees again for a moment, looking utterly exhausted. "I've tasted so many of my feelings today..."

@"ReD"

ReD · Nov 16, 2015

Lochlann took a gamble.

"There's nothing wrong with crying," he said. He hesitated for a moment and the fear became stronger, but he couldn't let her go on like this.

He reached out and, carefully, Lochlann tried to bring her to his chest. He wanted to tell her all the right things to make tihs better, but Lochlann couldn't even begin to guess what they were. All he knew was that she was upset, it was his fault, and he had to make this right.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm..."

He didn't know what to say. He bit his tongue. His heart kept thumping.

He was sorry. He wanted to kiss her again. he wanted to tell her that her tears smelled like the ocean and made him dizzy for something he'd lost.

Nightstripe · Nov 16, 2015

Emily just let him move her, laying her head against his chest. The intimacy wasn't lost on her, but she was just too tired to resist it any more, and... a part of her wanted it.

"..... I know..." It seemed like that was all she could say. Sitting there, breathing in his scent, he felt so close to her right now. "Is this... What it feels like?..." She wasn't sobbing anymore, but her tears were still damp on her cheeks.

"....... Talk to me Lochlann... Say something... About this... About us..."

@"ReD"

ReD · Nov 16, 2015

Holding her was easy.

This was easy.

He was good with his body, with making it say the things he couldn't say, but it was so damning. He couldn't hide as much when he held her like this. Lochlann rested his face on top of her head as though he was going to kiss it, but he didn't. He just kept her wrapped up in his arms as though he was protecting her from someone else that'd made her feel this way instead of himself.

He liked the smell of her shampoo.

But this?

This was hard.

"I like you, Emily," Lochlann said. "But I don't have what you're looking for, and I don't know how to give you the parts of me to make this work without making it complicated. I already messed up and this is only the second time we've hung out."

He swallowed and realized he had something in his pocket that might help. He loosened one of his arms from her to pull out a napkin from the restaurant to use as a tissue and handed it to her.

Nightstripe · Nov 16, 2015

She could hear his heart beating, count the rhythm as it increased and decreased. The changes weren't drastic, but they were there. As he held her, as he breathed, as he sweet talked her.

"...I think it's always going to be complicated Lochlann..... No two people are the same person... So complications will always be there..." There was a pause as Emily just lay in his arms, absorbing the moment. "..........I forgive you..."

She gently lifted a hand to take the napkin and sat up to dab at her tears. "Thank you..." She blew her nose and balled up the small piece of paper and dropped it in her purse on top of the bouquet of flowers.

Footstep suddenly echoed through the hallway as someone exited their dorm room and walked passed the two of them sitting on the floor. Emily stiffened, and the blood quickly rushed to her face dying it a deep red.

She stood up and dug out the key for her dorm room from her purse, turning it in the lock with a click. She hesitated then. "Do you... want to come inside?... I-I mean... n-n-not like that but... I-I was thinking I... might order a drink..."

@"ReD"

ReD · Nov 16, 2015

"I know, it's just..." Lochlann hesitated. he felt words live and die in his mouth. "I don't know how to explain."

He didn't know how to explain to a girl who could taste feelings how very complicated feelings were for him.

He sighed into her hair and closed his eyes.

He almost missed those three words: I forgive you.

Lochlann thought he imagined them.

His next words were stolen by someone walking passed them and for the first time, Lochlann seemed to realize were they were. Emily was opening the door and Lochlann was still sitting on the floor.

he shouldn't go into her room.

He shouldn't.

This was a bad idea.

But, if he could keep it together, if he could say good bye properly, maybe he could savage this non-date-night after all. Maybe the start of their friendship didn't have to be completely broken. Maybe it could just be cracked.

"Okay," he said. "I would..I would like that, I think. If it's okay with you."

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