I don't care what you think as long as it's about me

Lochlann actually laughed. It was a relaxed laugh, one that he didn't expect, and it was short. But it realxed him to know that, after only two meetings, Cat had him figured out. He lived with himself, well, his entire life and he still didn't get it. He was reassured.

"Okay," he said. "I trust you."

He was surprised to know that she'd done yoga after meeting him, and then painted, too. He knew she mentioned that she painted him, and he was intrigued even more now.

He decided to risk a joke.

"Well, I know your problem," he said, sounding very assured. "You weren't in horse pose."

He nodded sagely, although the twitching at the corner of his lips betrayed him.

He was surprised that she knew he was a mover, but then not surprised, because he'd realized she knew him well only a few seconds earlier. But it wouldn't stop surprising him. He was not used to someone picking him apart and it wasn't entirely unpleasant.

"I do," he said. "Run, I mean. I didn't for a while but I picked it back up since I've come home."

He couldn't sleep so he was constantly running at night. He loved running on the beach, with his feet pounding on the sand, or on the dark trails around the lake. There was something about that thick, clinging nighttime air that made him feel like he was doing what he was supposed to do.

He didn't realize he'd missed running. There was a long while where his leg pained him too much.

"Not so sure how I feel about the punching bag," he grinned. "I tried fighting lessons with this lady i met once. I got my ass kicked. She had this huge bear. But I haven't seen her since even before I left, I don't know what she's up to now."

Plus, Guinevere Haze had sort of stopped trying to kill him, so self-defense seemed less dire.

He enjoyed the moment of silence with just their breathing and her fingers in his hair.

He grinned, his oh you caught me smile about the word of mouth advertising.

"Absolutely," he said. "Cabel is great at getting information, both in and out. I would just let him know I knew this really cute girl who was the most flexible person on the whole island, and she could teach a whole class of people on how not to be stressed. it'd go a long way on this island."

He frowned for a moment because he had a vague recollection of Cabel wanting to do yoga, but for a reasons that had less to do with relaxation and more for...Lochlann didn't want to think about it. He would avoid introducing Cabel to Cat if he could.

Lochlann did know the type she was referring to and that struck him as interesting that she could have a brother so very similar and so very different from her. She could throw a football.

"No shit," he said, and for some reason the pride in her voice made him proud of her, too. He shifted, pulling one leg up and stretching the other one out and using the movement as an excuse to inch closer to her.

"What is your brother planning for his schooling?" Lochlann asked. He was curious, mostly because these hints about her brother were telling him a lot more about Cat. He tried to picture what growing up with her must have been like.

"I'm the middle child," Lochlann said. "Lawrence is older, Lillianna is younger. Lawrence is something of a mechanic. He's a lot like my dad, actually, very practical, very hands-on."


Lochlann laughed. "The only time I actually felt like I was better at something than him was trying to get Lawrence to use a cell phone."

Lochlann was surprised by her blush and giggle, which made him wonder what horse pose actually looked like. Lochlann imagined it was something like downward dog—he wasn’t picturing someone riding a horse.

He couldn’t keep a straight face with her laughter, and then he was laughing too. He nudged her knee with his shoulder.

As to running, Lochlann gave her a guilty grin.

“It’s because I can’t sleep,” he said. Running didn’t exactly put him to sleep, but it kept him from feeling like the walls were closing in. “I couldn’t do it for a long time, and then when I got back to starting it was so bad I stopped for even longer. I’d a quarter mile out and then I’d be gasping like a fish. So you’re probably about where I was then. It gets easier. Sort of.”

The humidity in the air had been what made it easy for Lochlann to run in the summer but he knew how cloying it could be.

“Running by the lake is nice,” he said. “The trails are pretty flat, and the air is nice and cool.”

He enjoyed the tug of her fingers in the air.

“You probably could kick my butt,” he grinned at her. When she told him that her dad trained them both in self-defense, Lochlann relaxed even further. “You could most definitely kick my butt. I’m a terrible fighter. The only thing I have going for me is that I’m fast and have a pretty good pain tolerance.”

Lochlann had pretty much become one with the couch. His body was loose, his head was….well, it was twinging, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. His hunger was subdued. And she could kick his ass. That shouldn’t have been such a wonderful thing, but it was.

“Yes,” he said. “This huge insane bear.”


As to Cabel’s ability to destroy her reputation, Lochlann considered this.

“Cabel can be surprisingly helpful, he’s just caffeinated 24/7, and his energy levels are insane,” he explained. As to her brother entering law school, Lochlann was surprised. He’d made a jump conclusion when she talked about him being a jock, but it made sense when she said hockey scholarship. For some reason, it surprised Lochlann more that her brother was the one in the law program and she was brilliant with paints and words. She seemed so very practical.

His eyes followed hers to the photos and he took them in greedily. He liked this peak into her life.

“Your brother looks a lot like you,” he said. It was probably a very obvious thing to say, but then he laughed and said, “Not nearly as pretty though. He couldn’t persuade me to try yoga, even if you both have those eyes.”

Lochlann thought that her brother sounded a lot nicer than Lawrence but decided not to say so. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to meet him. He could be gruff.
“No,” Lochlann said. “My sister is in public school back in the states. Being here is supposed to be a punishment, and Lillianna is a good kid. She’ll probably kick ass.”

He nodded.

“Yeah, they both do,” he said. “Lawrence is good with the mechanical parts. Lilly went wild when we got horses. She was the one who broke most of them. Before that, she was with the goats, and she always claimed to hate the goats but I think she likes them more than she let on. She tried to bring one into the house once, when we were using it, and my dad literally lost his mind. ‘Lilly, what does this look like? The 1800’s? Animals belong in the barn!’” Lochlann mocked his dad with the lilt of an Irish accent and shook his head. “She kept bringing the goat in just to spite him.”

"That's fair," Lochlann laughed. "But if you do, try the lake about an hour before sunset. It's awesome. If you don't mind mosquitoes."

He shook his head, but he was still relaxed. he didn't mind that she wouldn't run. He'd get her to go horseback riding sometime, which was so much better in return.

"You most definitely could take me," Lochlann considered this. He wasn't used to fighting girls, but it was less of a sexism thing--if not fighting girls could even a sexism thing-- and more of a Lochlann ate them too quickly. "You've already figured out all my emotional weaknesses. I don't doubt you'll find the physical ones soon enough."

Lochlann laughed.

"I got expelled from a school for fighting," he said. "Which gave me a reputation for being good at it at my next school, which is terrible, because I am most definitely not good at it."

Maybe part of that had to do with what made lessons with Milk and Bear appealing.

Lochlann gave her a look--his eyebrows twisted up and his lips curled like he knew she wasn't going to believe him. "She rode it. Like a horse."

He appreciated her smile with Cabel. Her description of him was accurate. Lochlann and Cabel's relationship was partially neccesiry, partly boredom on both of their parts.

Lochlann had a question, but he wondered if it was one of those questions that maybe he shouldn't ask. He decided to risk it, searching her face for a moment before he did.

"Do you think your brother has, you know, gifts, too? And that they just didn't manifest?" He wasn't sure if manifest was the right word.

Her fingers paused in his hair and Lochlann resisted the temptation to nuzzle the side of her leg like an animal to get her to continue. He was human. human. human.

"It doesn't feel like a punishment when I'm with you," Lochlann said. Her fingers moved again and settled him back against the couch. Lochlann tried to think of how many times he'd messed up, but he couldn't remember.

"Fighting a couple of times," Lochlann said. "I think I was expelled from at least three schools. The other ones were because I blew our cover, or at least left too many ways we could be found out, and it made my parents anxious. By the seventh time we moved they'd had enough and sent me here."


He'd tensed a little thinking about it, but the easy movements of her hands lulled him back to a relaxed state.

"What was your school like, before you came here?" Lochlann asked. He was painfully curious and some of it slipped into his voice.

Lochlann made a face when she patted him on the head. While he enjoyed the tugging and stroking of his hair, he wasn't sure about the patting. He stuck his tongue out at her.

He wasn't sure if he was reassured or nervous by the idea that he showed a lot of people his emotional weaknesses. It made him feel like he was a target.

"I will take your word for it," that it was a good thing, because Lochlann was doubtful.

Lochlann laughed.

"I think I probably could lie, if I tried to," he said. "But I have no idea. She just...rode a bear. I guess they were...friends? It wasn't really clear. But it was certainly a site. I thought i had to stop drinking when I met her with Bear."

He watched her face for signs that he'd overstepped his boundaries, but she seemed more curious than anything so he nodded.

"I'm always sort of excited to learn that about people," he admitted. "I mean, it's boring when you're a fae. Magic is supposed to be normal for fae. But to meet someone who experiences it all for the first time just sort of...I don't know."

He tried to find a word and shrugged.

"I know you mentioned you were upset about it, until you got control," Lochlann said. "but...were you happy too?"

She was blushing and one fingertip traced a circle on his neck and grazed along the chain of his necklace. It felt an awful lot like magic to Lochlann, even if he new better.


When she asked him what he was fighting s much for, Lochlann realized he couldn't really give an answer.

"I don't know, it's hard to put in words," he said. "To keep myself safe, I guess."

He flipped both his hands, palm up, as though asking if that was satisfactory, or what else he could have done.

But he perked back up with the knowledge of her school. He liked these puzzle pieces. He felt like he was getting a more complete picture of her when he put them all together. Her cop father, her mother teaching her yoga, her brother.

"Thank you for sharing with me," his voice was earnest. "I'm grateful to know these things."

Lochlann tried to figure out how to explain it, but Cat waved it away, and he was relieved.

The fact that she called it his stallion self made him snicker and feel ashamed all at once. It was the alliteration that made it funny.

"Thank you," his voice was just a little bit higher than a whisper.

To keeping a raccoon or a deer for a pet, Lochlann considered this. "I think having a raccoon would be hell. They get into everything."

He perked up. "Did you have any pets?"

Lochlann was enjoying the sensation of her fingers against his skin, tracing patterns. he barely moved. It was like whatever she had done locked him into place. He was completely and utterly hers in those moments. His eyes searched her face, occasionally tracing the curve of her neck from this angle. He was not thinking that she could probably find the edges of the bandages hidden beneath his shirt.

When she mentioned Paul and what she had gone through, Lochlann did stiffen, as if it was hard to hear this without some kind of action. Knowing it happened in the past didn't make him feel less angry that she'd experienced it.

If he ever met Paul, which Lochlann doubted, he would most definitely punch him in the face. Or maybe he wouldn't, because that would be something that belonged to Cat. She didn't need him to fight her battles.

But gods, did he want to punch him.

"I'm sorry you went through that," he said. He did not like picturing a lonely Cat, crying and feeling like things were out of her control. It made his chest ache.

He was happy she was here, and he was happy she felt better about it.

He realized something she'd said and Lochlann connected the two, but the connection might have been erroneous.

"Does yoga help with your gifts?" he asked. "What does practicing mean for you?"

He liked her positive outlook. It made him want to kiss her again.

He wasn't sure what was happening when Cat leaned forward to take his wrist. At first, he thought she was going to kiss him, but when she held his wrist up like damning evidence, Lochlann realized too late that he couldn't snatch his hand back.

"It's uh...an old injury," he said. He averted his eyes. "Just acting up again."

It wasn't technically a lie, but it was so obviously far from the truth that Lochlann wished he hadn't said it and given himself a second to think of something better to say before responding. Her fingers slid up his arm and he shivered, her skin cool against his own. He thought that might be it but when her fingers returned to his hands, Lochlann knew he was trapped.

He hadn't dodged her questions about his nature as much as he wanted to dodge this one.