Infatuation Turned into Disease

Did they bump into rocks?

Lochlann couldn't remember. He was shaking and something coppery and delicious was in the air. Lochlann licked his lips without realizing it; his pupils were dark reflections of the back of the moon.

She was soaked and weak and bleeding.

She was everything he'd ever wanted.

He put his hands to his face.

"Fuck, Addy," he said. 'I'm sorry."

They still had to go. It wasn't safe, it wasn't safe, it wasn't safe.

His heart was hammering in his chest. He wondered if she knew how bad he was, how much danger she was in, by the look she was giving him.

"Can you walk?" he asked her. He reached out to touch her but his hand hesitated, afraid that she'd turn away, wishing that she did and craving that she didn't.

Addy seemed so small next to him.

For a moment, Lochlann forgot he was human. It was so easy to remember that he was a monster when she was so small and smelled so much like blood and seawater and was leaning against him.

The rain was pelting them and even though they were out of the ocean, they weren't out of danger. Lochlann took a few hesitant steps with her by his side, but it was dark, and he was afraid of losing her.

Lochlann turned suddenly and scooped Addy up into his arms and then disappeared into the island, away from the shore. Even though it was dark, Lochlann walked with the fevered steps of someone who had been here before. He kept Adelene close to his chest, which was burning as though he was on fire, until he found a small alcove of rocks hidden amongst the trees. He pushed one aside with his foot, ducked, and carried her inside the small outcrop.

It was dark and sandy inside the small space, but it was dry, and warm, as though the rocks were still heated from the sunlight that'd disappeared hours ago.

He set her down and Lochlann put his face in his hands, took a deep breath, and said, "Addy.

He'd fucked up.

He'd fucked up so bad.

This was his best friend. He cared about her more than anyone else in the world. Lochlann was spiraling downwards and he'd just realized now, that she was bleeding and he was dying to eat her, that he was dragging her with him.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

Monsters couldn't cry.

Lochlann was incapable of tears, but the saltwater still dripping down his face felt painful enough.

"I'm...I have..." he couldn't even think the words that he couldn't say. He couldn't say, I have a problem. Because Lochlann didn't have a problem.

But he knew that something was wrong with him.

"I didn't tell you any of this earlier," he said. "I couldn't. I regret that I didn't. I regret that you're bleeding. I think..."

Lochlann hesitated and he said.

"I don't want to die, Addy, but I think you might have to hurt me because I don't know if I can stop myself from hurting you. I should have never looked for you. But i'm afraid, and there's no one else I trust like I trust you."

He dropped down to his knees next to her.

"Please don't forgive me," he told her.

And then, he tried to kiss her.

She was with Leon.

Lochlann lurched back as though he’d been shot. There was a crack outside like gunfire a moment later, but it was only thunder following a distant lightning strike.

“Leon,” Lochlann repeated. He sounded very, very far away, as though he’d fallen down a hole and into some place dark. Things were dark. Lochlann was forgetting what his voice sounded like. He was forgetting what she was sounding like.

He was sitting in the dark, in the rain, with someone else’s girlfriend.

It didn’t matter that he loved her because she’d chosen someone else.

“I don’t understand,” Lochlann said.

But he did understand. Adelene Cross was strong, stubborn, and feisty. She was capable of hurting him and that’s why Lochlann loved her; her appearance was just a bonus for him. She deserved someone who would love her without all the complications, without all the baggage, of having love as a weapon. Lochlann could never give her that.

He wished he could. He wished she’d just let him try.

Lochlann looked substantially less human in the dark. Of course, he still had a human disguise. it was still Lochlann. But his features were sharper, more defined by the rain, more fey.

“Addy,” Lochlann said.

He was hurt now, and he was even more scared, because he’d wanted someone who made him feel safe, someone he could love, but now they were coming and she wasn’t safe either and he was so, so scared of hurting her.

He wanted to hug her. He wanted to give in. He wanted to pretend that things weren’t so bad, that he hadn’t just stolen her away in a rainstorm, that even now, it was hard for him to remember his name and he was so, so fixated on her curve of her lips and the taste of saltwater and the memory of her mouth on his under the fireworks.

He had to push her away.

“Addy, I can’t,” Lochlann said. He hesitated though, he was shaking, he wanted to hug her, he wanted to pretend. He tried to steel himself, hoping she couldn’t see through the illusion, to see how vulnerable he was. He put his hand on her leg instead and though he was trying to intimidate her, trying to scare her, he was still gentle with the placement.

“I am a monster. I want to eat you. You’re here and now you can’t run and that’s pretty fantastic, because I’m so, so fast Addy. I would be on you and we’d be underwater before you could even finish saying my name.”

Outside, in the rain, someone was calling their names. It sounded a lot like Dr. hart.

He closed his eyes. He licked his lips.

“If you scream for them, I will probably kill you,” he said.

It was a lie.

Lochlann gripped his hands to his head.

he was shaking.

His voice rose too high and he said, "Stop."

He shook his head again.

"Addy just please, just stop...stop being so...perfect," he said. But his voice was weary. He was trying. He wasn't sure if he was trying to scare her, trying to eat her, or trying to remember that he could be human sometimes, too.

He kept thinking about Leon.

He kept thinking about kissing her.

He kept thinking about Leon kissing her instead.

He could taste blood in his mouth.

She was right. She was completely right. If they caught him, this wasn't worth it. But if he let her go, it was going to be life without her. She was already lost to him. She was already someone else's.

Of course, she'd always been someone else's. She'd belonged only to herself, and that's why he'd loved her. Gods, she was stubborn. Gods, she was kind.

"Addy," Lochlann said. He groaned. He leaned forward, rested his head on her leg and felt her blood warm his cheek. He said, "Please don't forgive me."

He picked himself up from her and disappeared into the rain.

Dr. Hart found her a few minutes later.

"Miss Cross," he said. He was soaked in the rain but somehow he still looked immaculate. "Are you hurt?"

Aiden dropped down next to Addy, but it was dark and even with the pen light he pulled from his pocket, he couldn't make out the full extent of her injuries in the dark. What AIden did know was that it wasn't safe here and they had to get back to the main island as soon as possible.

"Miss Cross," Aiden said. He was irritated by her questions of Lochlnan and it showed on his face. "We're trying to detain him. he is a danger to himself and to others."

They were trying because they hadn't succeeded.

"Can you walk? We need to get you back to the island."

It was dark, but Aiden did not like the look of her leg. He held his hand out to her.