First Session: Nova

Nova was not nervous for her appointment with the therapist. Quite frankly, she knew very little about what she was going to do there, but knew she had control over what was revealed and what was kept hidden. And, if worst came to worst, she could always just make something up. Plus, she had signed herself up for the appointment. It was not likely that anyone else would even consider that she needed therapy. After all, nobody knew about her one secret. And it was certainly only one secret.

She navigated to the office wearing her school uniform, for lack of a better outfit and because it was a school day. Her hair had been removed from the ponytail it was trapped in. Another safety measure in case anything went wrong, which would not happen, of course. Her smooth, green, rubbery skin stood out against the dull uniform hues, and she was grateful the halls she walked in were bare, too. This way, nobody would know she was going to therapy, and nobody would ask questions about what was secretly tearing her apart inside. She did not have a big problem, she thought, and if questions were asked it might be made into a bigger deal that it really is.

The office was easy to find, having followed a map of the school to get there. Nova paused at the front of the door, simply looking at it for a moment. She was about to confess to virtually killing a whole species. How was she not nervous already? Suddenly, the nerves kicked in and she felt like curling up inside her hair and waiting for her troubles to vanish. No, she thought, I need to do this. She raised a fist and tapped on the door three times, as humans generally did upon entering a room. Pausing for another moment, she gathered the courage to open the door to the office.

"Hel- Hi. I'm Nova." she said in a confident voice. Choosing not to repeat the complicated name displayed on the door, she continued, "I have an appointment here now." And by now she meant that exact time. She had made sure she was very punctual to her appointment. She just wanted to get it over with. With a quick smile to show she was not reluctant to participate, she took in the room. It was... Comforting. Reassured, Nova no longer felt the need to hide away.

@Romi

As soon as Nova entered the room she felt much more relaxed. The whole setting was much more relaxing than she had anticipated, and it was a strange feeling that she received from being in the room.

Normally, Nova would think the room was not her aesthetic. The green walls were a tone slightly lighter than her skin color, enough to be noticeable and to look terrible against each other. The desk was pushed into a corner with a chair and a metal box she failed to identify. Yet she found herself calming down just being in the presence of someone who seemed to be so relaxed. She felt even more so when Mr long-surname motioned for her to sit.

As strange as it sounded, chairs were actually quite new to Nova. She knew what they were, she was perfectly capable of sitting on one, she was just so used to trees. Since there were no trees inside the room, she instead opted for one of the lounge chairs available. They were much like an upright bed, in her opinion. As the man prepared himself for the appointment, she noticed him putting something into the metal box. What could that be?

"That is perf- I mean, that's fine," she replied to his apology, correcting herself midway through her sentence. She hoped she could keep her speech under control for the duration of the appointment. Adjusting her overabundance of hair, Nova settled in to the chair. She had no idea how long the appointment would take. The fact that he smiled made her feel neither better nor worse about the appointment.

"No, no surname. I gave myself the name- my birth given name sounds a little bit like it." she tried to keep a happy, or at least willing expression on her face. She had no idea whether or not she had provided sufficient information on her name. She was better off just telling the truth until lies were absolutely required.

Nodding slowly, Nova took in the briefing the therapist gave her. She imagined it was the same one he gave to all of his patients. "Okay," she said carefully. "As long as others are not aware of this appointment, it is okay." Would that change in future? She honestly did not know.

"So do I... Just talk to you... About stuff?" She asked. She really had no idea about the discussions happening in these offices. She just knew that her issue fit into the 'grief' or 'guilt' sections of who could use a therapist.

@Romi

Nova found herself becoming more and more interested in her therapist's demeanour. He seemed to be too happy, even for Nova's standards. It was not a forced smile either, he looked genuinely happy all the time, even when he was working with... troubled students. No, Nova was not troubled, she refused to believe it. She just felt guilty. That was it, she told herself, just guilty.

"Really?" She asked, surprised. She had thought that she was one of the only ones. "I- I guess I did- n't know that. All the people I have met are so fine with their names. Well, fine with themselves in general." She was definitely not fine with herself, nor was she fine with many things about her. The fact that her therapist was so open about his name did not surprise her. He seemed to be more comfortable with himself than she could ever be with herself.

She nodded quickly at the mention of doctor-patient confidentiality. Good, nobody would know and things would be alright.

"O-okay. Yes, I have something I want to talk about," she said, taking a deep breath and preparing herself to let out the information she had held in for a year. Opening her mouth to begin, she hesitated, looking close to terrified. Did she really want to tell a stranger what she had done? She knew she had to. Clinging to bunches of her hair, she said,

"So I think it will be better to tell you the truth before I start... I think I might have killed an entire species." This was harder than it looked. Nova's face burned and the promise of tears stung her eyes. Closing them tightly, images of her family and friends being killed before her eyes flashed violently through her mind. Taking a shaky breath, her reddening eyes looked up at the therapist and she continued, "We were on our planet. W-we were happy. And then they came..." Tears rolled down her cheeks now. This was her first time admitting to what she had done.

"I c-cannot do this!" she cried. Tears were coming thick and fast now. She curled up in a ball and rested her head on her knees, her hair draping around her like a safety blanket. She had lost everyone, and by telling someone the fact that they were gone forever somehow made it all the more true. She should have kept it to herself. Nobody had to know this about her. Now she had to finish her story.

@Romi

Nova was breaking down in a stranger's office. Her feelings had not been as strong as they were at that point since she first arrived on Earth. She had curled into a ball, but lifted her head to rest on her knees. She rocked herself back and forth as she whispered, "No... No, no no! You are not gone! I cannot g-go without you! No..." Opening her eyes to see her therapist still there, she stopped talking, ashamed. There was no use playing tough anymore. But really, there was no use playing the victim either. Not after what she had admitted to.

To her surprise, Valli did not react suddenly to the confession. There was no hiding, running away or defensiveness whatsoever. Nova sat there waiting for him to do something, tears rolling down her face like transparent beads.

"M-my own pace... I- I can try..." She had decided she did not like therapy. It made her want to scream and cry with guilt and loss, but there was somebody else in the room so the screaming would have to wait.

"Why are you not running away? Or locking me up? I- I thought there were laws..." This was a question that had been on her mind since she signed up- would something happen to her. "It was my fault that they are all dead!" she cried at him. How did he have everything sorted out and she was sitting there struggling to cope? "Do you not hear me? I am responsible for hundreds- probably more than a thousand deaths! Can you understand how bad that is?" Was it really so hard to understand that a fourteen-year-old could be capable of that?

@Romi