Happy Birthday dear Emily

Lochlann liked the way the fire light played across her face.

He knew that this was just a dingy alley with paper lanterns strung up between the walls, but he'd always felt like it was one of the few places were magic felt real. it wasn't in the school where magic was literally happening every day, but here, in the quiet of the night, when the air around them danced like fireflies.

he realized he wanted desperately to kiss her again.

Lochlann swallowed and pushed that down.

He liked Emily. Emily made him feel safe, Emily made him feel whole, and most importantly, Emily made him feel human.

But the fact that he wanted her so very much just reminded him that he was a monster.

He wasn't feeling anything particular to this thought pattern because he was more caught up in the way the space between them seemed smaller now. And Emily was implying that he was sweet, and another rush of happiness spread through him.

He reached out and took Emily's hand, and then he took her into the door he'd been blocking. Before he opened it he said, "Now close your eyes and just smell."

When he opened the door the first thing that hit Lochlann was the scent of chocolate, rich and warm, followed by the sweet smells of caramel and roasted nuts and spun sugar.

He had been thinking this over after Emily's unusual hot dog choice, and he imagined that maybe the smell would be more effective than the taste, because the smell couldn't clash with a taste, really, and he was quite certain the only thing that he was feeling was...

Happiness.

Emily opeened her eyes and they looked a little watery, so Lochlann was already leaning down to make sure she wasn't going to cry again when-

"Oh," Lochlann was going to say, but instead he'd wrapped his arms around Emily because she'd lept up into his arms and she was

Her lips were soft and her body was small and warm and all her weight was pressed against him, prolonging the kiss, and Lochlann was suddenly thinking shit emily just kissed him in a candystore that was HOT and maybe he should back her up against the wall there and kiss her on the door but—

Oh thank god, she broke away, because Lochlann was not thinking clearly.

"We didn't even get you something sweet yet," he said, kissing the top of her head since her face was buried in his shirt.

He wondered if he should tell her how much he'd liked that she'd kissed him like that, but he was selfishly enjoying holding her against his chest.

Lochlann caught the eye of the old witch behind the counter and she rolled her eyes at him and continued to look at cookie recipes on her phone.

"It can't be the best birthday ever until you get a proper present, either," he said. "So i think we'll just have to extend your birthday celebration for a few days."

Lochlann grinned at her.

“I mean, Emily,” he said, rubbing her back in small circles. Someone had done it to him once to sooth him and there was very little that Lochlann felt better. “I’m pretty much never going to be upset if you do that, and I’m honestly flattered you’d even want to do that with me. I mean…”

He shifted his weight from one leg onto the other. Though his bad leg rarely pained him anymore, save perhaps an especially bad storm or unexpected extra activity, but the habit was one Lochlann had not quite lost yet.

“It’s just that, it means a lot.”

He was having a hard time explaining this to Emily and when he caught what he hoped she said under her breath. It was so quiet, he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hear it. Ht was surprised to find that he was blushing.

Holy shit, Emily had a crush on him. Maybe. Maybe he’d heard her wrong. Maybe she said he’d been crushing her.

He cleared his throat and said, “Right! Of course, whatever you’d like. Olga owes me a favor for delivering those newt eyes to her last week.”

As to why her birthday should last a few days, Lochlann shrugged as if it was obvious. “Because I didn’t get to celebrate the whole day with you.”

Lochlann felt a rush of happiness at her attitude towards kissing when she asked him if he had a girlfriend.

"Well," he said. "Not officially. But I do want to be honest with you--I uh..."

He didn't know how to say it. He was what? He wasn't dating Guin. He wasn't dating Kaya, either. Neither of them were really expecting a long term relationship with him. He wasn't even sure what to call what he had--or didn't have--with Guin, either. A mess was the best description he got.

Plus there was Cat now, too. Although she might never speak to him again. He chewed on the inside of a cheek.

"I sleep around," he said after a moment, not understanding the sexist and gendered implications of the words. It was the only phrase that he felt accurately described his situation.

Lochlann nodded and went to pay. The witch eyed his money suspiciously and then rolled her eyes. She signed to him about something, and Lochlann seemed to understand, because she boxed them in a little red and orange patterned box and slid them over the counter towards Emily.

Lochlann was more fixated on wondering what his sexual appetite met for Emily. He'd met some girls who didn't care, some who said they didn't care, and some who would decide they could never see him again so long as he so much thought about sex with another person.

He was surprisingly nervous.

"I'm glad," he said. His voice was quiet, some of the nervousness sneaking in there, too. "I like spending time with you, too."

It's not that he was thinking about sex with Emily.

okay, well, he was. A small part of him thought about that very often. But it was more of the fact that Lochlann liked how she saw him and he wasn't sure if that would change.

Lochlann's face flushed. He didn't feel embarrassed, really, because he'd enjoyed the sex he'd had with everyone. (Except maybe Guin, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it. Everything with Guin was complicated. Even how he felt about it.)

How many people was he sleeping with now? Or slept with all together?

Lochlann wasn't sure if he could answer either one of those. The number of people he'd slept with all together was in the double digits. The number of people he was sleeping with now or might be sleeping with was ambiguous.

So he said, honestly, "I'm not too sure. I don't know where I stand with a lot of folks right now."

He smiled at the witch and then said to Emily, "I honestly don't know. If I'm wrong, she usually zaps me with something. I think she's suggesting I don't pay since they're for you, and that I should be nice to you."

he eyed the witch and when he wasnt electrocuted, he relaxed. Or as relaxed as he could be while he was talking with Emily about sex and dating.

"I think it's good if we probably don't jump into things," Lochlann said. "And it's not that i don't like you or don't think we'd be a good couple, but it's going to be new for both of us."

He felt a little bit of sadness at the idea of Emily being his girlfriend and he tried to force it down. It was an interesting sadness--he was happy about the idea, but it was more of a fear-related sadness, as though he was afraid of the inevitable moment when she was hurt. He didn't want to hurt her at all, but he wanted to be with her. He couldn't figure out his own emotions enough to put them in words, but it was plausible Emy would be able to taste them and understand.

"We don't have to make any decisions tonight," Lochlann said. "Or tomorrow. Thank you for being honest about your feelings with me, Emily."

He put his arm around her to give her a little squeeze in comfort, to reassure her that they'd work towards a decision but...

Emily asked if he wanted to sleep with her.

"Yes," Lochlann said. He swallowed. His mouth suddenly felt dry and too full of saliva all at once. He didn't hesitate to answer--it was an easy answer--but he didn't sound like he was misunderstanding her question as an offer.


He tried to figure out how to put what he felt about her into words, and he said, "You're caring, Emily. You're probably one of the kindest people I know, and I like that you always take people at what they give you instead of what you hear about them. I like that you look at the future but don't let it determine your present. I like that you slam the door in my face when I make things awkward. I like that you don't let me get away with bullshit. I like that you're direct and you ask my questions like this, even if you know you might not like the answers."

Shit.

Now he wanted to kiss her again.