Happy Birthday dear Emily

"Well, it's that, I was gone for a while," Lochlann said. "I don't want to assume I'm just still sleeping with people when I left without much explanation."

He'd slept with one since he came back. The thought brought a little feeling of relief and excitement flicker through him, but it was subdued beneath his happiness of just being with Emily.

It was unusual, being happy.

Emily's fingers were in his and she was eating the cookie and she smelled good. But when she asked him about the long term relationships, those complicated feelings came back again.

Sadness, sadness, and guilt. The guilt was overwhelming and instead of letting it crush him, he shoved it back down inside the well inside of him.

Was that why he was afraid?

Most definitely.

He'd eaten everyone he'd ever been in a long term relationship with.

Except Guinevere, but that scared him even more.

"Not exactly," Lochlann said. "It's, well, it's yes and no."

When Emily confessed that she'd never done anything and that he was her first, Lochlann nodded. "There's no pressure from me. Ever. I hope you know that. Just because I want to kiss you and touch you doesn't mean I want to do that before you're ready."

He wondered if he should tell her some of his own but--

Oh! Emily was moving fast and he couldn't tell if she was running and forgot she was holding his hand (Admittedly, running was the smart choice) or dragging him somewhere.

The one thing that stuck out to Lochlann was that he made her taste good?

He thought she tasted good already.

he wondered if he should tell her that but, instead, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers again.

"... I-Is your timing... E-Ever off..? I d-don't think I can... Keep u-up with y-you if you keep... D-Doing things like this..."

Lochlann gave her a sheepish grin and patted her back again, just as he had before. Could he tell her about the things that scare him? Lochlann wasn't sure. He'd never really talked about them. He wasn't even sure he could talk about them.

Lochlann nodded when she told him about her feelings.

"It makes sense," he told her. "Which is why it's fine to enjoy just this. We don't have to rush anything. We don't have to make any decisions at all until we're both ready."

Emily kissed his cheek and darted a way a little bit, and he grinned up at her.

"I am, too," he said.

On the note of tomorrow, Lochlann glanced at his phone and said, "We should probably get you back home though."

He smiled.

"I'm glad we did this, Emily."

"Then don't sleep," Lochlann grinned at her. He was comfortable walking her back to the apartment and it was a faster trip now that their destination wasn't determined by coinflips or numbers.

She was right.

It was better for him to be here. He hadn't found what he was looking for out in the world.

"If you do sleep....dream of me," Lochlann said when they reached her door. He waved goodbye and left for his motel feeling better than he had in a while.

And hungrier.