A Rumored Troublemaker And A Control Freak In A Room[CD]

Every time I close my god-damned eyes, William wanted to say as Tavish asked him this right here was something that happened often. He bit his tongue, however, before he could speak, refusing to look any weaker than he already did. Tavish had done as he had asked, stepping away from William and the bed, leaving enough distance between them for the boy to feel safe again, less crowded. He could still feel the warmth of the other man's chest under his hand however, and could not believe he had actually let himself sink into it. It had been comforting, however, at the time, the tight grip the other man had had on him. It reminded him he was here, not there, in all the places his nightmares chose to torture him with. It was nice, in a way, he thought, and as soon as he thought that, he made himself stop, grabbing tighter on the more familiar warmth of Spirit's fur and tail, letting it flow through his bones hoping it would erase the feeling of a another human body being so near him. And it did, for no matter how nice it had felt to have someone not-hostile or fighting him in that close to him, even for a moment, it was alien, while the wolf was something familiar.

''Haven't you heard what the nice wolf spirit had told you earlier?'', said William thus instead of what he had initially set out to say, trying to mimic his earlier tone of voice and expression of face, but still failing, for even though both were firmly planted in their places, the mask was paper thing and easy to see through.

''I haven't had quite enough sleep lately'', he repeated Spirit's earlier statement word for word as he slowly let go of the said wolf's fur, trying, tenderly to stand up. He felt dizzy the moment he had planted his feet on the floor however, his head breaking out into yet another round of the same maddening, pulling pain. There was no way he was going to go anyway further than that any time soon.

''Now you know why'', he continued speaking, though it was through clenched teeth and tensed jaw now, with a hand pressing against the side of his head. The place he had heat against the wall was warm under his palm and obviously starting to swell. ''Fucking fantastic'', he muttered, cursing under his breath.

''You needn't worry yourself about that, however'', he said, turning his head slowly so he could look the other man in the eyes. ''Usually, I'm awake well before I could disturb anybody else.'' That was a lie, of course. Each round of nightmares ended up with him screaming himself awake, how loud and long, depending what the last memory he had seen was. Usually, however, Spirit sensed the beginning of the nightmare as well as its end, being there for William each and every time since the first to muffle his scream into his fur.

''It won't affect your beauty sleep in any way. You have my word on it'', he promised, frowning at the floor as much as he could, having looked away from the man as soon as he could. He couldn't allow what was happening right now to happen again. It was too embarrassing, too humiliating. It made him feel raw and weak almost as much as the nightmares did.

''I don't need you to pity me, Tavish'', the boy said, with an almost confused frown on his face, as he finally regained enough of his bearings to stand up, though it was with Spirit's help. ''Or whatever it is that you're doing'', he added, as he tried to remember where he hat stashed what was left of the pain meds he had bought after he had had his tattoo done, only for Warrior to suddenly hand him the box. William sighed with relief at the sight, grabbing onto it while muttering a soft thanks towards the spirit before collapsing again, this time in the chair by the desk he had claimed as his.

''I've been fine on my own all these years'', he said, as he for some reason tried and failed to open the box three times in a row. ''Or, well, as on my own as somebody with my powers could be'', he said, as he finally pulled the thing apart, only to find it empty. ''Shit'', he cursed, trying to remember when had he used it all. He couldn't remember, and he didn't care much for it, with the pain still strong in his head, though he could see Spirit frowning form a corner of his eye. The wolf tried to say something, but William pleaded for him to shut up, just once, without actually saying the words, and the wolf did. Just this once, the look in his eyes said however.

''So you just go on with your day, being the good college boy you're supposed to be, alive and not hurt and all of that'', William said, rubbing the sour spot on the side of his head with his hand yet again. ''And I'll do the same with for myself'', William said, taking a deep breath as he stood up once again, this time without help, heading out towards the bathroom for some cold water to put on his head and maybe pour down his throat, hoping it would help.

It did, somewhat, though he still wouldn't say no to something that would stop his pain completely. The water cleared his mind just enough however to help him remind himself why it was a bad thing to wonder how it would be to have someone who would not pity him but just understand, as simple as that, and that was because no such person could exist. Plus, he didn't care anyway even if it did. He didn't need anybody else. He was fine with what he had. He didn't need anyone else, nothing more. Spirit and Warrior were enough, he reminded himself, as he build up his layers of defence again. One last splash of water across his face, and he was out of the bathroom again.

''What time is it anyway?'', he wondered, looking through the window to the slowly darkening sky. He had been asleep for some time apparently, because even though it had taken him some time to unpack, it had still been pure daylight outside when Spirit had forced him to sleep. He immediately pushed the slight resentment he had towards the wolf for that, as well as the anger he didn't wake him up on time. It was not Spirit's fault, neither of those. He had been worried for him, and irritated that he had pushed Tavish too much apparently, his punishment of 'grounding' him with the great wolf wall of Starlight Academy was not that different from some of the things he had punished similar behaviour in the past, and it was more than his fault that the wolf had been tired enough to fall asleep with him.

Those feeling straightened out if nothing else was, he returned to trying to figure out how long he was asleep.

''I have a fucking watch'', William bit back the moment he laid eyes on Tavish again, the other man's irritated command making him irritated as well, which in turn made the pulsing in his head worse, what little pain the cold water had elevated immediately returning, only to soon start hurting twice as much. ''Or at least I had it'', he hissed through it, pain, finally accepting defeat as he closed his eyes and pressed his hands against them. ''At some point'', he whispered then, sighing in relief when the level of pain slowly went down again. He had probably broke it, though, he thought, as he reached for his phone, as he couldn't remember the last time he had seen his watch.

''Shit'', he said as he saw the time. It was late. He had been asleep for some time indeed and he was slowly beginning to realise that he hadn't eaten since that morning, which was too far away in the past, really. His stomach was slowly starting to protest against that now, as it woke up as well. ''I am going to get something to eat'', he announced suddenly, grabbing his wallet from where he had thrown it along with his phone and laptop while unpacking, heading for the door before anybody had time to speak.

Once he was there however, he stopped for a half of a second, frowning at wood as if it had personally insulted him while he thought about Tavish had said. Whoever said that I was pitying you? Do you think that's what it is? the words echoed through his head, making him frown even deeper as he thought again what he had thought when the man had actually said them as well. What else could it be? He thought about turning back for a moment, before he suddenly pulled the door open much more violently than he needed.

There was no fucking way he was asking Tavish if he wanted something as well. He might have said that it wasn't pity, but he had spoke much further than that as well.

You're not worth the effort.

Yeah, well.

See if he actually cared about that.

''Some days are worse than others'', the wolf said in answer to Tavish's question as he jumped down from William's bed to the floor once again, placing himself in the middle of the room, so he could both maintain eye contact with Tavish and keep and eye on the door.

''The worst, however, are usually the ones he has to spend around people'', the wolf continued, the wolf said as he sat down, debating how much he should say, and how much time to speak he had anyway. The boy wasn't going to be searching for food forever, after all. Still Tavish deserved at least some answers regarding his room-mate's behaviour, both now and in the future

''He is not used to it, you know'', he whispered, his bright eyes focused slowly on Tavish's face and how he reacted right now. ''To people caring about him, in any way. Even what little concern you had just shown is something he would consider completely alien when it comes from other people.''

Spirit sighed. He knew it was pointless feel this much anger because of what had already past and could not be undone, but sometimes, sometimes he really wished he could go back through the years, and just. He wasn't even sure what. William's family was what it was, and to change that once would need to erase centuries worth of its history. Still, sometimes he really wished.

''And the fact is that he didn't pushed you away'', he continued, glancing towards the door as he did so. Nothing. ''He had asked you to. And to you it might seem like nothing, but for him. It is something.'' The wolf thought about giving up there. How could he even possible explain that William felt threatened by people touching him because he had more or less never been touched kindly in his life?

''He wasn't just embarrassed, you see'', the wolf continued after a few moments of silence after all, trying to find words that would explain best what was going on inside William's head. ''Thought there was plenty of that as well, and he just doesn't know how to deal'', he added, frowning, with a small scoff. That part was completely William's fault. ''You have made him feel threatened. Caged in... weak'', the spirit said with a small sigh. ''And he doesn't like being any of those things'', the wolf explained, shaking his head. ''So he acted according to that'', the wolf finished, hoping that would be enough for Tavish to understand what had just happened, when suddenly Warrior spoke up from his post by the wall.

''He is used to attacking'', the human-like spirit said. ''Attacking and being attacked, or ignored'', he explained, focusing his eyes sharp silver eyes at Tavish as well for a moment, before looking away again. ''He doesn't know what it is like to be offered help.''

''Yes'', the wolf sighed again, somewhat surprised that Warrior had bothered to speak up at all. The Attack usually stayed silent, always on alert, leaving speaking to others in William's name to Spirit. He was, after all, the boy's Defence.

''There would be that as well'', he said, lying down once more. He was finished with his explanation, and William wasn't back yet. He could only hope it didn't mean he was getting in trouble elsewhere in the dorm.

I don't know if I can handle that the man said, and the wolf found himself closing his eyes, with a small quiet, almost defeated sigh. He should have expected that. A part of him certainly had, that part which had urged him to give up on explaining once it seemed that the words have just became too much. He had not listened to that part, however, because he had hoped.

It was not that he didn't understand. William's life had been hard, and he himself was more than difficult and even slightly dark under certain lights and in more than a few places. It would not be fair to force on , or even ask, really, somebody to understand, to handle as Tavish had said, all of that when it really wasn't, what they had signed up for. However, one day he would have to ask, for William would never do such a thing himself. He would have to force, for it was not fair either for the boy to really have to spend his life all alone, to forever leave him burdened, and marked, with what his family have done.

Tavish, however, was not that person, the one Spirit would one day have to find, and ask, and force. He was just another college boy, and as he had said it himself, he was just starting school himself and nobody had asked him to do this, and even if they did, he wouldn't have agreed. It was, after all, nothing to him.

Still, he had had the misfortune to be burdened with a part in William's life, no matter how small that part as his room-mate would probably turn out to be, so he will have to at least have the information, to be able to comprehend, if not understand, for from what the wolf had seen so far it seemed he himself also had a temper not much better than William's own at times, and in close quarters that could lead to bloodshed, so at least one of them would have to learn how to deal with the other. William was too stubborn, to angry, and mistrustful, and prideful. Spirit knew all of that, and he knew that it wasn't going to change any time soon no matter how much he would want to. Thus, he would have to hope for Tavish to turn out to be somewhat better. At least enough for them to be able to co-exist somewhat peacefully if nothing else.

All of this went through Spirit's head in under a second, him closing his eyes turning out to be nothing but a blink in reality. Slowly, he got up yet again, sitting in such way that one could clearly see that had he been human he would have just pulled back his shoulders, straightened his spine, and put on his serious face, the one which people put one to face and deliver the toughest of news.

''And I am not asking you to'', he said, his voice calm but strong as he spoke, his words referring to what he had just thought about: Tavish saying how William was simply too much to handle. ''You have said it yourself, nobody had asked you to keep an eye on him. That is not your thing to do. It is our duty, the reason we were summoned for.'' Perhaps it had not been in the beginning, but now, and for many of the years past, it was the sole reason of why they had stayed, why William had demanded they stayed, and went almost insane when threatened with the possibility of them being taken away.

''I am not even asking you to understand'', the wolf continued, shaking off the memories of that dreadful day. ''I am just asking you to keep in mind that William's behaviour isn't just because he is of a certain age. There is plenty of that as well, I suppose'', he said, because he could not, would not, deny that there were parts of William that were just brat. He had not however, become that way because he had been spoiled silly all his life, and he wanted Tavish to know that.

''But he had also had a hard life'', he thus voiced some of his thoughts out loud. ''He had not come to act this way because he had been pampered all his life, his every need indulged. He has his reasons, and there are plenty of them.''

All of this was said with a conviction in mind that the older man would say nothing but more of the same thing. That he just really did not want to deal. That was why he was nothing but surprised at what Tavish had actually said next.

''If you're serious about that'', the wolf said, his fur almost standing up as he spoke, making him seem bigger, more threatening in a way. He knew he shouldn't be like that, that his attitude might kill that little sympathy Tavish seemed to have for William. He should have been glad, happy beyond belief. He had thought that the boy had once again pushed another human being away simply by being himself, yet here he was saying he was still inclined to help him. It should have been the true fulfilment of what he had just thought about.

Still, there was again a part of him which felt differently, a side that he could not help. His duty was after all to defend William against all threats, and even though he might have other reasons to exist now and it is not a mindless spirit formed around just that one order, it was still something that was at his core, and which had only been made stronger by him actually caring for the boy. And that side, that core, recognised that something like this, an offer of help extended only for it to turn out to be fake or unable endure the trials it was certain to be put onto, it was far more dangerous than any physical wound or thread the boy could inflict on himself.

''If you are not just saying it'', he continued to speak, now sitting up at his full height, which was not something be looked down upon considering the size of the rest of him, ''you will have to be serious about it'', he said, putting all of his weight behind that one word. ''For what you just saw happen will happen again. The boy will not just change over night.'' No matter how much he wished he would. No matter how easier that would make all of this.

''You will have to keep in mind what you have just been told even more than if you choose to just ignore him'', Warrior suddenly spoke up again. ''Because he won't recognize your help. He does not want what it looks like to be helped. He would think you pity him, and he hates pity more than he hated to be ignored.'' Warrior's silver eyes shone about his dark mask. His core might be entirely different than Spirit's, his initial purpose being to attack those who would dare stand in William's way, but he had changed. He was self-aware. He cared.

And that was why he moved from his usual post by the wall, approaching Spirit where he stood and focusing his attention on the man sitting on the bed in front of them.

''He thinks that those who invoke pity in others are weak'', the man like spirit continued to speak. ''And he feels that being weak would take something from him'', he said, lowering his body so he wasn't looking down at Tavish, but looking him in the eyes. ''That's why he will reply with a sharp words and attacks every time you offer to help him, until one days he understands that it is not pity you are showing him, and his words are sure to cause your anger to rise as well. And if you break, suddenly, half-way, it would only serve to prove that what he thinks is true.'' He didn't say what that was. It was more than obvious after all.

''And that won't even be your only trial'', he continued to speak, making that the longest time even Spirit had heard him speak. ''You won't be able to offer him comfort by touch'', the warrior said, raising his own hand as if to show what he meant. ''Touch makes him feel weak too. Many other things too. Those that don't, anger him.'' To a anybody else, it would sound like he was actually trying to talk Tavish out of it. However, he was doing the same thing Spirit had been doing only a moment before, and the wolf recognized that.

''So be sure to think about changing his mindset carefully'', the spirit spoke in a calm, quiet voice, with no judgement or fury behind it. He was thinking about Tavish as much as he was thinking about William as he said that. ''You are young yourself and you do not have to take this on yourself'', he said, and though it could not be seen behind his mask, and his eyes showed no change at all, it felt in some way, as if he had smiled. ''There are others, adults, who should notice that something about him is beaten out of shape. Because he is not broken. Not yet.'' But he could break, and much easier than a normal person would. This went unsaid.

''And as Spirit has said'', he finished, finally, his almost growing dimmer in colour, loosing some of that inner flame they seemed to posses while he talked. ''Be serious with what you say.'' With those words, Warrior stud up and returned to his post by the door.

''It is unusual to hear him speak for that long, you know'', the wolf said once the other spirit had grown quiet again, leaning against the wall as he had not moved at all. ''Mostly because he only says what he absolutely feels he must'', the wolf said, his eyes, which have followed Warrior back to his post, now returning to Tavish. ''So be sure to remember what he had said. Maybe even more than what I did.'' The wolf grew quiet again, leaving Tavish to think. William still wasn't back.

''That is not the problem'', the wolf said, smiling slightly, a faintest light of hope shining through his eyes as he nodded at Tavish's words. ''He needs time as well.'' Time to hopefully get used to Tavish as well, to lose, perhaps, some of his sharper edges. To see that not all that care pity him. To grasp, somehow, that somebody other than Spirit and Warrior could care in the first place. Time to change, and hopefully, and Spirit was so hopefully about this, despite everything, grow.

''The problem would be if that tree broke'', he continued with a metaphor, wondering if perhaps he was taking it all too far. He had already warned Tavish about what he could expect, and even Warrior had spoken his mind, giving young man advice he felt Tavish would need. He had been expecting that after all of that, the young man would indeed turn away and say that he wasn't ready to take on anything like that, yet still he had looked him in the eyes and once more confirmed he was serious. Perhaps Spirit would trust his words then, for now at least, instead of his mind told him would happen. He had after all seen almost as much bad happen as William had. It wouldn't be unusual for him as well to somewhat lose sight of what a good think looked like.

''So take as much time as you need'', the wolf said then, after he had convinced himself Tavish had already been sufficiently warned by his previous words. ''And I would try to stop William from...stepping on the seed, so to speak'', he laughed, before suddenly frowning again, his eyes darting towards the door. Speaking of the boy, he had officially been gone for too long now, and him not getting into trouble somewhere else in the dorm was not something Spirit could be hopeful about, not when there was so much evidence that suggested he should always be prepared for the worst case.

For once, however, Spirit was not right. William had actually managed to reach the small kitchen located on the ground floor of the dorm, near the student lounge, without starting up a fight, or even an argument, despite being angry, and in quite a bit of pain. This was mostly however because the few students he had met on the way there did their best to stay out of his way, but that did not change the fact that William had reached the ground floor in just a few minutes instead however long it would have took him had he started a fight with somebody.

Once there, he closed his eyes before taking a deep breath, focusing that way on what he had come down here to do, instead on the whispers starting up behind his back the minute he had entered the room, on the itch within his blood, on anger demanding to be released, spend out. Fought out. His empty stomach demanding just as much attention made this much easier than it would have been had he been not hungry and in search of something else other than food.

Making himself a sandwich, and then another two had not been too difficult. However, once he was sated there was nothing to keep his attention away from the other people in the room, nothing that would pull him back and keep the rising anger at bay. Standing up from the table he had commanded all to himself while eating, he soon headed for the door, his eyes focused on it rather than on the room, for no matter how much he wanted to get into some kind of a fight and just forget about everything that had just happened at least for a little while, he also knew that he should not. And it was not simply because he knew that Spirit would get both angry and disappointed, and that another fight could be the straw that broke the camel's (Administration's) back. It was because one look at the room told him everything he needed to know: there wasn't the kind of fight he wanted, the one where the other party was just as ready to punch and go crazy, to be found here.

A few more steps and he would be in the hallways. What he would do once he was there he didn't know. Go back to his room... It was the only thing he could do, really, yet he did not feel like it at all. Tavish was still there, in all probability, and the thought of the man only served to make the hair on the back of William's neck stand even straighter, for his jaw to suddenly become even tighter. And that was yet another fight he knew he shouldn't get into.

He wasn't sure, however, whether he could avoid that one as easily as he had avoided this one, with hunger to keep his attention elsewhere, sharp focus and tightly clenched teeth. William sighed, dragging his fingers trough his hair. At least up there he had Spirit and Warrior to keep him at bay...

And Tavish himself. He had said it was not pity, what he was feeling for him, and he had actually held him close, only to step away when asked. He had also said that William was not worth the effort, which made the rage beneath William's anger rise, for it was too similar to what he had felt all his life. it hit too close to his (ruined) home.

Then again, did William actually want to fall so low he was worth the effort of somebody's pity? Almost instinctively, at the last possible moment, William stopped by the vending machine placed near the stairs leading to the first floor and grabbed a can of coffee from it. If nothing else, he thought, frowning at it as he tried to explain this act to himself, he could it to hit the college boy in the face. With that in mind, William started running up the stairs, taking two at a time, and sighing with relief as he did so. At least the pain in his forehead had been reduced to next to nothing while he ate.

''Why would I be stepping on a seed?'', the boy asked almost as soon as he burst back into the room, having stop on the other side of the door to stare at the canned coffee in his hand just long enough to hear wolf's muffled words through the dark wood.

''It is a metaphor, William'', the wolf answered him immediately, without pause, his eyes focusing on the boy as soon as he stepped into the room, looking for signs that he had gotten into a fight of any kind while away from his watchful eye. Surprisingly, he found none.

''Whatever'', the boy said, rolling his eyes after a few seconds of staring at the spirit and trying to decide whether he really wanted to know. He came to the conclusion that he probably did, but that the wolf would never tell.

''Hey, colle...Tavish'', he corrected himself at the last moment as he turned towards his room-mate. The need to insult him was strong, but the need not to hear his family name shot at him again was stronger. ''Catch'', he added soon after, not even waiting for a reply, or for Tavish to turn towards him, throwing the canned coffee he had picked up straight at the other man.