When Shay wanted to find Logan alone, she followed the sound of piano music once school was out. She'd been on the watch for him all day, watching him with his group of friends. All that stalker behavior. Thanks, Toby, it looked like you were rubbing off on her.
There was something about piano melodies that left a person in a daze -- at least, it always had with Shay. She stood behind him as he played; a far enough distance that she was hoping she wouldn't catch his attention and stop him from playing. The music had Shay wanting to dance. To spin and let the tune take her far away from all these problems. Was that what it was like for him? An escape? Logan appeared to be the sort who needed that thing.
He'd slipped up; he had said so earlier when they were at the club festival earlier, and Shay had the sinking feeling she knew what about. Shay hadn't felt drawn to Logan in the way she had to so many people before him, which was strange. Maybe she was wrong? It didn't exactly matter, because no matter what the actual problem was, Shay wanted to fix it.
Shay took off her shoes and spun deftly on her toe, twirling around the ballroom and letting the music carry her where it would. A rare reprieve from constantly buzzing thoughts and worries, from negativity and anger. Shay often wanted to hurt people, too. But there were things the girl knew she could never take back -- lines that would change a person forever. She figured that was one of them.
Eroshay was invariably thought to be human by those who spoke to her. Often, she was told she was different -- sharper, maybe, more danger prone --, but those differences didn't always hit the nail on the head. Shay thought there must have been something wrong with her. Ordinary people didn't want to hurt others. They didn't feel this rage, did they? They weren't more comfortable around criminals than upstanding citizens.
When the song ended, she was breathless, and her head swam delightfully. The last echo of the refrain sung clear in her ears and she ached to follow it wherever it disappeared to.
"That was.... magical."
♠♠♠
Logan didn't have to be a person when he was playing piano. Only in a state of beauty, flowing with and immersing yourself in the music, letting every ugly emotion become something far more special, more meaningful. There was no higher, purer pursuit than this. He played and played, separating himself from all else, only feeling the cool press of keys under his hands.
He didn't stop when Eroshay came in, fingers animated and dancing across ivory, the song bright with personality, a fairytale within, a wordless story, a piece of artwork to satisfy desires you wouldn't otherwise know how express. He poured his heart into this, whatever heart he had, likely cracked at the edges, but full to bursting when he performed. He knew someone was watching him, and only let this add to his energy. He could shine, within the confines of this song, until it ended, like a princess out after the clock struck midnight.
When it did draw to a close, Logan breathed, chest rising and falling quickly. He heard the voice, and he knew who it belonged to. He swallowed, slowing, a sense of foreboding intruding in his previously blissful, private environment. Eroshay Rosales, not only part of a demonic crime family, but someone he'd said too much in front of. He didn't know her, and she didn't know him, not really. They didn't trust each other. Logan didn't trust anyone. Why was she here? He felt a little sick, a lot nervous. He didn't show it.
Silence sinking in, Logan's hands slipped from the keys and into his lap, resting there. He looked over his shoulder. "I'm glad. Music is meant to bring you to other places, inspire strong feelings in you, and hold magic in a simple combination of sounds and passion." He smiled. "Truthfully, there's no magic involved in my playing, but it makes you believe there almost could be, doesn't it? Is that not magic in its own right? I like to think so. It's a very pretty thought, even if it's only that."
"Why did you find me, Shay?" he added, searchingly, scanning her face for any clues.
He didn't stop when Eroshay came in, fingers animated and dancing across ivory, the song bright with personality, a fairytale within, a wordless story, a piece of artwork to satisfy desires you wouldn't otherwise know how express. He poured his heart into this, whatever heart he had, likely cracked at the edges, but full to bursting when he performed. He knew someone was watching him, and only let this add to his energy. He could shine, within the confines of this song, until it ended, like a princess out after the clock struck midnight.
When it did draw to a close, Logan breathed, chest rising and falling quickly. He heard the voice, and he knew who it belonged to. He swallowed, slowing, a sense of foreboding intruding in his previously blissful, private environment. Eroshay Rosales, not only part of a demonic crime family, but someone he'd said too much in front of. He didn't know her, and she didn't know him, not really. They didn't trust each other. Logan didn't trust anyone. Why was she here? He felt a little sick, a lot nervous. He didn't show it.
Silence sinking in, Logan's hands slipped from the keys and into his lap, resting there. He looked over his shoulder. "I'm glad. Music is meant to bring you to other places, inspire strong feelings in you, and hold magic in a simple combination of sounds and passion." He smiled. "Truthfully, there's no magic involved in my playing, but it makes you believe there almost could be, doesn't it? Is that not magic in its own right? I like to think so. It's a very pretty thought, even if it's only that."
"Why did you find me, Shay?" he added, searchingly, scanning her face for any clues.
Shay had to think, say the right compliment in the right way. Sometimes, the little Rosales girl wished she could just give people her emotions, or the subliminal messages in her head. That would have been easier than searching for the right things to say to express how deeply she felt about any given subject.
"You really are something special," she said with a slight smile, knowing the sentence was all wrong. "The way you play -- it's more than practice or magic. It's you." That was better -- not perfect, but close enough to it.
Shay moved from the center of the room to stand beside him and motion to the piano stool. "Mind if I take a seat?" she asked.
"You know why I found you, Logan," Shay said, sitting beside him, on the edge of the stool, farthest as she could be. Give the boy his space -- he seemed like he needed a lot of it.
Eroshay should have been nervous, but she was serene. She belonged here. Not in the school, or the island, but right here, with Logan. She belonged with people like him. Broken. Different. Dark. People who needed... whatever it was that drew her to them. Maybe not help, but companionship? Something Shay couldn't understand yet.
Her smile was serene, reflecting her tone of voice. She stared down at the piano keys, inspecting them and wishing she had something that gave her as much passion as Logan got from playing.
"I could see why you'd like to spend so much of your time playing. You're different when you are. More alive."
♠♠♠
Logan was his usual quiet, gaze on the nosy little girl in his safe place soft, misleadingly so. Calling him special, flattering him like this. What did she want from him, in exchange for these empty words? The fact that he didn't know yet made him more on edge. Once he knew, he wouldn't have to worry about anything, he'd have guidelines for the correct way to act, could give that same shallow laugh everyone in his family gave to look amicable, a good natured upper class chortle that managed to fool most everyone.
He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks warming. "O-oh, my… Thank you, Shay, I'm not sure what to say, but that's really nice of you, to think of me like that…" When she went to sit down, clearly meaning to stay, he nodded absently and kept his eyes on her. "I don't mind." He did mind, but it wasn't something that mattered.
He knew, she said, and he could only assume that mean his fears were confirmed. He didn't want to acknowledge them as real. It was strange, really, for a thirteen year old girl to seek him out to try and, what-- comfort him? Talk about his feelings? Bile rose in the back of his throat. Still, despite her age, she was surprisingly mature, and sharp. He looked her over, considering her settled smile and voice, the cute way her short dark hair flipped up at the ends, then made himself avert the gaze.
He tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear. "It's what I've been raised for. If I wasn't able to embrace that, it would be difficult to survive."
He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks warming. "O-oh, my… Thank you, Shay, I'm not sure what to say, but that's really nice of you, to think of me like that…" When she went to sit down, clearly meaning to stay, he nodded absently and kept his eyes on her. "I don't mind." He did mind, but it wasn't something that mattered.
He knew, she said, and he could only assume that mean his fears were confirmed. He didn't want to acknowledge them as real. It was strange, really, for a thirteen year old girl to seek him out to try and, what-- comfort him? Talk about his feelings? Bile rose in the back of his throat. Still, despite her age, she was surprisingly mature, and sharp. He looked her over, considering her settled smile and voice, the cute way her short dark hair flipped up at the ends, then made himself avert the gaze.
He tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear. "It's what I've been raised for. If I wasn't able to embrace that, it would be difficult to survive."
Eroshay watched Logan from the corner of her eye. That careful mask he wore -- Shay wouldn't have noticed had she not done it so often in her life. It was the neutrality of someone afraid, uncertain, standing on a thin line and looking over a vestige of human emotion. Knowing you should feel things you don't -- or feeling things you knew weren't couth. Logan had it worse than her because he seemed beaten. A wounded animal. She wanted to help him. She needed to help him.
"Is that the only reason you embrace it?" Shay had a hard time imagining that, but then, people did those things to survive. It was a rush of fury for Shay, knowing that was how he had to spend his days. Surviving, not living. White noise that kept her from focusing clearly.
At times, Shay thought if it had all been up to her, she'd have abdicated these powers. Who was she to feel responsible for people like these? Why did she want to walk right on the cusp of those shadows, let cool claws brush her skin? Why couldn't these things tear her up inside, like they did other people? Normal people. They were afraid of the dark; they could be corrupted by it. Could she? Was she just doomed? If she was, why was Eroshay fine with going down the path?
"I know you said you didn't want to talk about it and I'm not going to make you, or anything -- Hell, I couldn't -- but I'm not going to ignore it." Gentle treading here, Shay.
It wasn't that Shay thought Logan would do anything to her, not really, but it was all liable to unravel when the wrong moves were made, or the wrong words were ushered.
"People with thoughts like yours, they tend to find me out, or I find them. Call it an appointed job for the universe, if you will. I don't believe you were slipping up and telling me was a mistake." She still hadn't looked up at him, taking on the submissive position. Shay hoped it would make him more comfortable. It was important that he was in charge right now that he had the choice.
"I just wanted you to know if you ever need my help, I'm there. Free of charge. I know you don't trust me, and that's to be expected, but I'll be there nonetheless."
♠♠♠
The more she talked to him, poking at his weak points and looking too closely, the more it was like she thought she had a right to it, as though it was okay simply because she was sympathetic and could see it. He didn't want to be forced to look at himself by someone who he didn't know, but who seemed to know too much about him, in comparison. An uneven chessboard. It felt dangerous, panic inducing. Alarm bells. Something like offense kept lingering in the back of his mind. Why did she think this was okay? He dealt with enough on a daily basis already.
Her focus on him in this light appeared to be inexorable. He had to play along. Logan was used to unfair situations and surviving through them, and this one didn't seem to be life threatening yet. Only pride and personal stability threatening. She didn't want to spread his secrets, she wanted to help him. It'd be amusing if it didn't hurt his pride. Did he truly look that pathetic, to get a little girl's attention? What was wrong with him? When did he fall so far? How many people could see this, in him? He'd screwed up, he really had.
"It isn't the only reason, no," Logan replied after a moment of racing thoughts, his face unchanging throughout that time. He fidgeted with his hands in his lap, sentiment now showing in his smile. "I had a talent for music, and my parents latched onto that, but it is my passion, as well. I love the piano." He brushed his fingers over the keys, gentle. "I'm happy in choir for my extracurricular besides community work, too. Piano, however, is my top priority and favorite."
He nodded when she made it clear she wouldn't forget about this, wouldn't be letting it go. Then, she continued on. People with thoughts like his. What did that mean? The concept made him feel like something slimy and fetid was trying to worm its way into him and die, leaving behind a rotting, poison corpse to infect him. Jesus! What did she know? She couldn't know that much. She couldn't! And she spoke as though this was a good thing. However much she looked down, as though she wasn't the one leading the encounter and holding the power, she still scared him.
What could he do? She knew, she knew something, she could know everything. Even if he didn't talk to her further here, she'd never stop knowing, never stop looking at him differently because of it. He couldn't be normal. He wasn't allowed. He was a monster, or he was a pitiful, broken creature.
Logan licked his lips. He thought it over, visibly. "Thank you for saying all of that. I don't… receive this treatment very often. People don't look closely enough to see things, and even if they did, they wouldn't care. I'm surprised you do. You talk to people like this often? People like me? That… it sounds like a lot, if I'm being honest, and you're pretty young." He leaned over, meeting her eyes, examining her girlish face again. "Are you okay, Shay? It sounds… very brave, and compassionate, but are you okay?" A more fleeting smile, this time, but an admiring one. "Well. Consider me impressed, I suppose, that you can handle it all."
Her focus on him in this light appeared to be inexorable. He had to play along. Logan was used to unfair situations and surviving through them, and this one didn't seem to be life threatening yet. Only pride and personal stability threatening. She didn't want to spread his secrets, she wanted to help him. It'd be amusing if it didn't hurt his pride. Did he truly look that pathetic, to get a little girl's attention? What was wrong with him? When did he fall so far? How many people could see this, in him? He'd screwed up, he really had.
"It isn't the only reason, no," Logan replied after a moment of racing thoughts, his face unchanging throughout that time. He fidgeted with his hands in his lap, sentiment now showing in his smile. "I had a talent for music, and my parents latched onto that, but it is my passion, as well. I love the piano." He brushed his fingers over the keys, gentle. "I'm happy in choir for my extracurricular besides community work, too. Piano, however, is my top priority and favorite."
He nodded when she made it clear she wouldn't forget about this, wouldn't be letting it go. Then, she continued on. People with thoughts like his. What did that mean? The concept made him feel like something slimy and fetid was trying to worm its way into him and die, leaving behind a rotting, poison corpse to infect him. Jesus! What did she know? She couldn't know that much. She couldn't! And she spoke as though this was a good thing. However much she looked down, as though she wasn't the one leading the encounter and holding the power, she still scared him.
What could he do? She knew, she knew something, she could know everything. Even if he didn't talk to her further here, she'd never stop knowing, never stop looking at him differently because of it. He couldn't be normal. He wasn't allowed. He was a monster, or he was a pitiful, broken creature.
Logan licked his lips. He thought it over, visibly. "Thank you for saying all of that. I don't… receive this treatment very often. People don't look closely enough to see things, and even if they did, they wouldn't care. I'm surprised you do. You talk to people like this often? People like me? That… it sounds like a lot, if I'm being honest, and you're pretty young." He leaned over, meeting her eyes, examining her girlish face again. "Are you okay, Shay? It sounds… very brave, and compassionate, but are you okay?" A more fleeting smile, this time, but an admiring one. "Well. Consider me impressed, I suppose, that you can handle it all."
Shay peeked up so she could meet his eyes better. Was she okay? Shay didn't know what defined okay; she just was as she had always been. She hadn't expected him to take the news like this, so calm and gentle. Her intuition was flaring up, looking for weak points, trying to understand. It made Shay want to guard herself, but that rarely worked in situations like these.
She forwent her instinct and smiled genuinely at him. "It wouldn't matter if I could, it would find me no matter what." And that was the utter truth, even as it confused people.
It had become common knowledge to the people around her, that Shay was nosy, but she hadn't always been. Not like she was now, diving headfirst into dangerous water and hoping she'd break the surface again. Live to tell the tale. At one point, she was as curious as any child; then things turned darker.
"I'm sorry," Shay said into the growing silence, breaking the stare to inspect the piano again. She reached up and gently traced her finger along the ivory keys. "Could you teach me the primary chords?"
It all felt too distant, talking about murder and negative thoughts. Shay didn't want to focus on those things as much as the passion, the burst of emotion.
♠♠♠
Logan lied straight to the faces of all those he met and knew, every day of the year. Acted good when he thought of nothing but filth, filth, filth. Ugly actions done with beautiful things, ruining and pulling apart, seeing what it looked like inside, what it tasted like on his tongue.
He smiled at Eroshay. It looked like she'd given in. He was terrified he would eventually do the same, that he was fated for this miserable, degenerate path. Unavoidable. The idea of destiny was so cold and cruel. He refused to be like her, to give in to such a sickening joke that life had thrown at him before he'd even been able to think for himself.
"That sounds difficult to come to terms with. It's nice you made peace with it, and can move forward more healthily now." After a beat, he took on a mildly distressed look. "A-ah, um. Don't be sorry. It's okay. I'm a quiet person, it's not your fault, so you don't need to apologize, okay?"
He watched her touch the piano. This was a more comfortable area. He copied her, tracing his fingers across the keys. He paused, then started playing again, music sonorous, to warm up. The song only lasted a moment, but it was intense in tone, forceful. His hands came to a stop once more, and he turned a little towards Eroshay, beckoning her to scoot closer. "Certainly. I'll teach you a few basics."
He took the time to do this, patient with the young Rosales, but also expectant in his method, something that'd rubbed off on him from his own education.
He smiled at Eroshay. It looked like she'd given in. He was terrified he would eventually do the same, that he was fated for this miserable, degenerate path. Unavoidable. The idea of destiny was so cold and cruel. He refused to be like her, to give in to such a sickening joke that life had thrown at him before he'd even been able to think for himself.
"That sounds difficult to come to terms with. It's nice you made peace with it, and can move forward more healthily now." After a beat, he took on a mildly distressed look. "A-ah, um. Don't be sorry. It's okay. I'm a quiet person, it's not your fault, so you don't need to apologize, okay?"
He watched her touch the piano. This was a more comfortable area. He copied her, tracing his fingers across the keys. He paused, then started playing again, music sonorous, to warm up. The song only lasted a moment, but it was intense in tone, forceful. His hands came to a stop once more, and he turned a little towards Eroshay, beckoning her to scoot closer. "Certainly. I'll teach you a few basics."
He took the time to do this, patient with the young Rosales, but also expectant in his method, something that'd rubbed off on him from his own education.