Since there's no place to go

"Not exactly," Lochlann said, but he decided not to elaborate further because he didn't want to explain why he was so good at treading water.

Eph's tail wrapped around him and distracted him from, ironically, thinking about her tail. At least, from thinking about keeping her tail warm. Instead, he was thinking about all the lewd things she could do with it.

He nodded when she beckoned towards the shoreline, but only because Lochlann knew she wanted to get off the ice.

"I have a blanket over there," he said. "But I don't know if I want to talk about Dani."

Of course he slipped up by letting her name slip, but Lochlann was more focused on taking Eph's hand and guiding her back towards the shore.

"I brought hot chocolat,e too."

Lochlann climbed into the blankets next to her and dug the thermos out of his bag. He poured the top full of hot chocolate and then passed it to her. After a moment's consideration, he passed her the entire thermos to hold, too, since it was rather warm.

"I have," Lochlann confessed. "I'm sorry I didn't make arrangements to say goodbye properly. it was sort of..unexpected."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek and then said, "And, I guess, the first few months were involuntary. It's been a long few months. How about you? how goes the fashion business?"

He wanted to ask her something witty about snuggies and her tail but the thought wasn't coming.

"I'm glad," Lochlann said. "You're really good at it, and I'm glad people are recognizing it. You have a great eye for design. I was reading about...stuff...to talk to you about. Have you ever done a fashion show?"

When she switched the topic back to him and he caught just the hint of bitterness, Lochlann squirmed in his seat. Literally. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on top of it.

"it's a long story," he said. "The short of it is that I was involuntarily committed and then my girlfriend died so I went home for winter break but a psychogirl followed me back to the states and now it's my fault she's in the hospital so I'm here."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek and said, "I don't really have an excuse for being a shitty friend. I should have reached out. It's not that I don't value your company, it's just that I have been really..."

Lochlann shrugged and showed her empty palms. He didn't know what he was.

The intensity of her reaction surprised him.

His eyes were very wide and his mouth went slack. he closed it and just nodded mutely, because Lochlann was trying to figure out his own feelings. Mostly, he had none. He felt empty and tired and stretched out.

He was also kind of...touched? Maybe?

Or maybe he was just scared.

"Okay, well, to be fair," Lochlann said. "I couldn't call when they took me. I was locked up for two months with no way to contact anyone. When I got out, there was um...some incidents."

He ate someone.

"And then Dani died, and I got rid of my phone," he said.

Because he tried to eat someone else.

"And then I went home and I just got back a few days ago. So I guess I couldn't call. And even if I did, what was I supposed to say? 'Hi Eph some people i've never talked about are dead and im ruining all my relationships so why dont you come over so I could ruin this one, too'?"


Now that he'd said his, his face was bright red. Eph was the only friend he had left that hadn't been impacted by She-who-must-not-be-named.

He looked down at the snow and said, "I'm sorry."

Lochlann did not know what to say.

Part of the reason he loved poetry was because words were always foreign to him. English was not his first language and he didn't even know how to write in either of his languages until he came to America.

So words were hard for him, but actions were something he could understand. When Eph hugged him, Lochlann tried to resist at first, but the tension disappeared and he melted into her arms. He buried his face in her neck and took a deep breath. When he exhaled, it hung in the cold air.

"Thank you," he said.

Her last words stung.

Eph was a lizard, but she wasn't a monster. If she knew him even a little bit, the real him, she probably wouldn't be sitting so close to a lake with him and she probably wouldn't say that to him.

Lochlann realized he was still clinging to her and he leg go, then wrapped his legs back around his knees.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's just...it's been a long couple of months. So...what about you what's..new in your life?"