I really just don't want to be here.

Nicolas was about to yell and say that something was the matter, but tried to remain calm. "She fainted," he said, trying to catch his breath from running. "She's had mono for a while, and I have a feeling that this is really, really bad..." There was a look of absolute worry and fear on his face, and he just hoped that it wasn't really anything serious.

Nicolas did as she said, and laid his girlfriend down gently. He swallowed, honestly scared out of his mind. Well, he had a new fear, now; losing the love of his life. As the nurse used the electricity to shock her, he took a few steps back. Why couldn't it have been him laying there getting electrocuted? He hated to see her like this, he couldn't bear it. She just seemed so helpless, and he would have taken that pain for her any day. He might not have known what physical pain actually felt like, but he knew that he would have endured her suffering if it meant that she would be healthy.

Once she coughed up blood, every last ounce of color drained from his face; even his bright golden eyes seemed to dim. Blood... the other thing he feared the most. Mery's life, plus blood... oh, no, this wasn't good at all! He took another few steps back, shaking somewhat as the smell reached his nose. Of course — the sight wasn't enough, he had to smell it, too.

He merely watched, still unable to bear this. Why was it that he couldn't feel pain, whereas everyone else could? Perhaps it was genetics, but it wasn't fair... she would have to suffer more because she could feel it, and it just wasn't right, in his opinion.

"S... S-S-S-Su..." Nicolas couldn't even finish the word. Oh, God. Mery was going to need surgery. And, of course, in his mind, he could just picture it. They'd need to give her painkillers, and cut her open, and stuff sponges in her to keep her from bleeding to death.

He went lightheaded, and his eyes rolled back a little bit, but he shook his head, fighting the fact that he had been about to faint. It was hard for him to breathe, or move without feeling dizzy, but he nodded his head. "If... If... If... I-I-If it'll s-s-save her..." he managed to get out in a voice that was merely a squeak.

Nicolas nodded. "R-R-R-Right..." he said. He moved with difficulty away from the room Mery was in, and stepped outside, taking a deep breath. "Why?" he asked, falling to the floor, close to tears. "Why can't that be me in there, instead of her?! WHY?!" He had a bad feeling in his stomach about all this, and was almost sure she was going to die, or come close to doing so. Without Mery, he didn't know what he was ever going to be able to do. She was the love of his life, and if she died now... oh, he would never forgive himself.

"Why..." he asked again, beginning to put all of the blame for this upon himself. How could he not, though? He needed someone to blame, and the most convenient person to blame was himself.

Upon hearing the nurse walk outside, Nicolas looked up, a tear or two rolling down his face. He was sure this was going to be bad news. She had died during surgery, hadn't she? At the thought, he almost started sobbing, but since the nurse hadn't said anything yet, didn't do so. He didn't want to make a fool out of himself just yet. "Is... I-I-Is she... ok?" he asked quietly, standing up and looking at the woman, hoping with all of his heart that she was.