i need you. and i think that if you thought about it you'd know you need me too.

@"mariosaur"

Dante wasn't sure if he was going to come. He'd tried to make the whole situation as unthreatening as possible- he was sitting in public, in the outdoor section of a charming little cafe, in the middle of the afternoon. Plenty of people around, plenty of escape routes. Which one part of his mind screamed at, why did he need to encourage escape? But no. No don't think like that. Keep it down. This was a better strategy to try, a better lure, and the fact that he needed to lure at all made his chest hurt.

Cody just didn't understand yet. Dante could make him understand. It had to be that way. He didn't know what he'd do otherwise. (He had some ideas, but- no.) Dante swallowed and shifted his hands around in his lap, fidgeting, skin prickling with a mixture of excitement and absolute dread. Was he going to come? Dante would wait all day, just to make sure, but god did he hope his boyfriend would come. Ex-boyfriend? Boyfriend. Beloved. It's fine, it's all fine, everything is okay.

Dante had made himself as clean and presentable as possible. He smiled softly at the people around him, and the waitress that asked him if he was eating alone or not. He sat up straight and drank just the right amount of his tea. Everything is okay.

His stomach was still full of butterflies, his chest still hurt, and his mind was still buzzing with plans and nervousness and obsession, but everything was okay.

He wasn't a threat.

Everything is okay.

If he repeated it enough, it might start being true.

Dante near had the breath knocked out of him from seeing Cody in person, up close again. Pictures and from a distance was different, he was here with him, on purpose. He'd shown up and Dante hadn't even had to push that much. Dante subtly clawed his fingernails into his palm where his hands were laced together in his lap still, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. The pain woke him up a little, and he was in a mixed state of both flustered and hyperaware.

His thoughts still took a moment to focus on all of Cody, go over everything, the way he was dressed, his face, what he smelled like (and this was so much better than just having old left behind clothes, sleeping with them and sometimes pretending his love was still there with him. Their scent was fading. Cody had been fading.) He wanted to imprint this moment in his memory forever.

"Cody," Dante said, his voice quiet but with a honeyed edge of worship creeping in, almost betraying his messy racing thoughts. Dante was better than good at putting up fronts, not betraying what was really happening behind the mask, but Cody breaking up with him had... broken something, he thought. He'd perhaps been just a push away from breaking for a while now, but nobody has ever really gotten close enough to have it be a danger. He didn't even realize what had been happening with Cody until it was too late. Dante had leaned in closer to the table, closer to Cody, without even noticing it. Like an instinct.

His mouth felt dry. He could handle this, right? The moment he'd seen Cody, the heat squirming around in him had gone from a five to a ten, but it was fine. Everything was fine.

Dante cleared his throat and tried to ignore the warmth in his face. Hopefully Cody wouldn't notice. His voice sounded a bit more normal when he continued to speak. "I wanted to start up by... apologizing if I've scared you at all. It wasn't my intention. I just thought that, ah," What did he think, anyway? "I wasn't thinking straight, and, I... had to get your attention somehow, so it got out of hand." But it got your attention. I would do anything for you to pay attention to me, do you even know that? I would tell you if you let me, I would tell you every day.

Dante stared at Cody intently. He hadn't looked away once since he'd shown up. It would be impossible for anything to grab him, everything else was irrelevant, meant nothing.

"I've thought about you every day now." Dante smiled hesitantly. "You're... hm, distracting." That was an understatement.

Dante felt confusion, and nervousness, rearing up to swirl around in him and make a nuisance of itself. Answers. What answers were necessary? What more was needed, other than making sure he didn't let Cody see any ugly sides of him coming out, making sure he groveled for forgiveness over his impulses? Dante was usually good with puzzles, at figuring things out- but the emotions, the neediness, they shut down his logic. Perhaps it was fair, with how long things had been the other way around.

Still, Dante bit the inside of his mouth and gave a strained smile. "Ask away, and I'll respond as best as I can. Anything for you." And the genuine feeling, the honesty, in those words even alarmed Dante a little. He wasn't used to honesty. Being himself was a bad thing, people didn't like him. But Cody.

Cody was starting to look uncomfortable, and Dante's hands twitched and fidgeted again without his permission. He didn't really know why, though, what would he do? Grab him? Throw something in frustration? Maybe he was just venting his pent up energy. He was glad they were in a public place, and that while his thoughts and heat got away from him, he was still controlling himself. If it was just him and Cody, he didn't really know what it'd be like.

Dante laughed airily, half pleased and half... bitter. "Well, as much as I'd like to think about that in ideal terms, your thoughts probably haven't been as appreciative as mine. Am I wrong?" You dislike me, right? You somehow know what kind of person I am, and I'm finally paying for it, right? Well, this monster couldn't think of a better punishment. At least he could bask in Cody's presence while he hated him. Filthy.

The trembling in his hands was subtly starting to reach the rest of him. The heat was still there, but now self-hatred and awful, horrible thoughts and assumptions were tearing into things, and it felt like he was going to be sick, but goodness he was in love. Sick sick sick- no. No. Everything was fine. He was fine. He wasn't sick.

Just lovesick. Dante gave a dreamy little sigh and sipped his tea.

"Me?" Dante blinked slowly, not comprehending for a moment. "I'm not anything special, Cody, not like you-" His voice caught in his throat for a moment. He certainly wasn't anywhere near as important, was he even deserving of being near this person? But... no, nobody could appreciate this man like he could, that was why it was okay to be a little selfish. And he was a monster at heart, wasn't he? Of course he was going to be selfish. Is that what Cody wanted to hear? That truth?

The rest of the sentence caught up with him soon, though, and he was reeling again. His alarm at the suggestion showed on his face. Didn't matter? Nothing matters more.

"No, I wasn't- I wasn't being distant because of you, good god, that's how I'm like... with everything," Dante said, sounding out the words oddly, unsure of his own voice and speech. He was silent and blank faced for a moment, still not sure where he was going with this, how saying things like this out loud even worked. His mouth was dry again. "it's just how I've done things for, uh, a while. Hm." He titled his head a bit, and tapped his fingers lightly on his cup. "I, ah." He trailed off, just stared for a moment.

Someone else?

Dante just had his mouth slightly open, even more dumbfounded than before, as he processed that. It sounded surreal. "I haven't ever felt like this towards anyone else. I've barely felt anything towards anyone- or anything- else in general. I'm- I'm trying to protect you." From me, was the unspoken addition. Ugly, so ugly. Can't infect you with my ugliness, oh no.

"You haven't touched your cake." And Dante had forgotten to order anything for himself aside from his tea, whoops. He shifted, looking a bit sheepish now.

Dante didn't really know who or what he was. How was he supposed to tell Cody anything, be honest, when he was just as in the dark? He gnawed at the inside of his mouth again. "I'm not anything special," he repeated again, very quietly, vulnerability seeping into his tone and making him feel ashamed of himself. "Anything you don't know, it's not worth knowing, not worth any morbid fascination..."

He shrank into himself a bit, but then blinked at Cody getting closer to him in response, rather than taking the chance to get further away. He took in a deep breath, tasting the air that held his object of obsession, forgetting himself for a moment before snapping out of it, heat rising to his cheeks again as his head buzzed. Being with Cody was distracting him from communicating with Cody. Ridiculous. He wanted to laugh at his own state- well, either that or punch himself.

Dante reached out to brush some hair away from Cody's face, make sure his face was framed perfectly to match the rest of him. Not that Dante minded Cody being messy over neat, he liked any mental picture he had of the other. "Are you certain enough of that to make it a promise?" He asked softly, trailing his fingers absently across the boy's jawline, just wanting to stay touching him. "Because otherwise, I don't want to risk you."