Agnes wanted to disagree, she wanted to deny what Valli had said. But the random question about whether she had ever flown or not made Agnes look up with slightly confused look."I haven't."
What did that have to do with anything?
First Session: Agnes
- Thread starter EmiRose
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- valli bryndisarson valli's office
Agnes wanted to disagree, she wanted to deny what Valli had said. But the random question about whether she had ever flown or not made Agnes look up with slightly confused look."I haven't."
What did that have to do with anything?
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"When you're on a plane," Valli said, beginning his explanation, "they give you a safety explanation. They tell you what to do in case of emergency. One of the things they explain is that, if the cabin loses pressure, masks will drop from the ceiling to provide you oxygen. To use them, you pull them over your face, and then you breath normally."
He paused for a moment, watching her closely.
"The advice they say--the one instruction they stress above all else--is to do your own mask first. Even if you have loved ones. Even if you have a child in your care. You do your own mask first, because once your mask is on, you can put on theirs, and they can't help you in turn. You have to save yourself before you can save others, and otherwise you're just putting yourself at risk. Saving yourself isn't the same thing as abandoning someone else."
He paused for a moment, watching her closely.
"The advice they say--the one instruction they stress above all else--is to do your own mask first. Even if you have loved ones. Even if you have a child in your care. You do your own mask first, because once your mask is on, you can put on theirs, and they can't help you in turn. You have to save yourself before you can save others, and otherwise you're just putting yourself at risk. Saving yourself isn't the same thing as abandoning someone else."
There were many places in Valli's explanation where Agnes could've jabbed at, the most obvious one being how she couldn't breathe. That she didn't need oxygen. But...Agnes had a feeling listening to Valli now was important, with no wisecracks. So she looked at him and listened.Agnes imagined it. The scenario, where she was in a plane with her siblings. And the masks dropped. Without a second thought Agnes would first put their masks on before herself. No matter how she went about it Agnes would never put herself first. If it was anyone else but her siblings, she would.
"But I abandoned them. Everything went to hell, I got kidnapped, turned, didn't return in time. And all the while they suffered."
Agnes' face was blank, and her voice sounded like she was holding something back. Agnes' foot was tapping against the floor on a fast pace.
"If we go with the scenario you offered I would've ripped the mask away from my loved ones, and then do myself. I didn't even offer them a chance at escape. I just selfishly saved myself."
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"But you meant to," Valli said. "Choosing to pull away to save yourself so that you can return and save others in time is a valid decision. It's a good decision. It's the best decision you can make. You save yourself first, and then you save others, because you can't save others while you're drowning yourself."
He frowned, leaning back in his chair, watching her fidget.
"You leaving didn't rip the mask away. The fact that you didn't get back in time to help doesn't make the decision less valid. You can't look at your past decisions and judge them based on what you know now."
He frowned, leaning back in his chair, watching her fidget.
"You leaving didn't rip the mask away. The fact that you didn't get back in time to help doesn't make the decision less valid. You can't look at your past decisions and judge them based on what you know now."
Somehow it dawned to Agnes how this discussion was just going to keep going in circles. Because she wouldn't, couldn't, stop blaming herself. And her siblings were god knows where, probably happy their monster of a sister, monster of so many levels, was as far away from them as possible. And that was her cherry, the fact that Agnes' siblings never wanted to see her again."None of it matters anymore anyway. I couldn't save them, and I don't know where they are. I can't fix anything. They're still human, and I'm here."
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There it was. She couldn't save them. They were lost. It couldn't be fixed. They were human, and she wasn't.
"The island strictly upholds the veil," Valli said, "but that doesn't mean you're entirely cut off from the narrow reality. There are options for those who want to reach out to family members that they've left behind. The door isn't entirely closed."
"The island strictly upholds the veil," Valli said, "but that doesn't mean you're entirely cut off from the narrow reality. There are options for those who want to reach out to family members that they've left behind. The door isn't entirely closed."
That was the first thing they had told Agnes. That she could still reach her family if she wanted to. That not all was lost. Agnes wanted to believe that. But the words her siblings had yelled at her resonated in Agnes' head. You're a monster. Stay away from us. "They don't want to see me. The door is closed for me."
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There was no way for Valli to tell if that was true. Even if his instinct was to say no, that isn't true, he'd never say something like that without knowing. You had to know for sure.
"I think, if you can, you should talk a bit about that. About why you think they don't want to see you." He wasn't sure if she'd be able to, but it seemed... well, if not the cherry, something close to it.
"I think, if you can, you should talk a bit about that. About why you think they don't want to see you." He wasn't sure if she'd be able to, but it seemed... well, if not the cherry, something close to it.
Agnes knew full well why they didn't want to see her. They had said it to her face. But when Agnes tried to voice those words and opened her mouth no voice out out. Just a powerless exhale."That's n-"
Agnes was again cut off and her body completely rejected the idea of talking about why her siblings didn't want to see her. But she fought against hyperventilation, and was able to get words out in a quiet, weak voice.
"I killed father. He was a useless son of a bitch and a waste of human life, but I killed him. In front of them..."
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Ah. Now he understood, or at least had a general idea of what he was dealing with. She'd run away from a poor family situation. Abusive? Probably. Neglectful? Almost definitely. She felt guilt because she'd left her loved ones (sibling? mother?) behind.
And when she'd gone back, she'd killed her father in front of them.
Ah.
"Agnes," Valli said, his voice very soft and quiet. "After you did that, did you see them again? Or was that the last time?"
And when she'd gone back, she'd killed her father in front of them.
Ah.
"Agnes," Valli said, his voice very soft and quiet. "After you did that, did you see them again? Or was that the last time?"