First Session: Agnes

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It was weird receiving diet advice from a shrink, that was certainly a first. Agnes had talked about drinking blood with the shrink in the islets, but she just couldn't get used to the fact that she was drinking...something that used to flow in her too.
"It's not the blood itself, it's more like...how it reminds me of what I am now, I guess. I guess what I'm saying is that...being a vampire bothers me. It's not like I wanted to become one."
Agnes shrugged, there, she had said it.
 
Romi

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Valli nodded as they explained the reasoning.

"Generally the easiest way to ensure that you can at least keep your health up is to desensitize yourself, which is one of the reasons I recommend eating it with a meal. It allows you to get used to the idea over time, without having to compromise your health."

But that was a block for another day. The more pressing block was how she felt about her undeath, and the mental challenges associated with it.

"Have you spoken to any other vampires about your condition? Unfortunately, being forcibly changed is a very common story. Many of the vampires on the island--even those who appear happy--have experienced similar feelings. Speaking to someone who has been through the process themselves might be able to offer some insight."
 
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No, Agnes had not spoken to other vampires about her condition. One reason being Agnes, although unconsciously, avoided any contact with other vampires. Facing vampires, talking to them, made very unpleasant memories swirl close to the surface and Agnes was more prone to snap. She didn't like it when she snapped, that brought the vampire side of her out.
"I haven't spoken to any vampires about this. I'd rather not share something so personal with a stranger. And there aren't any vampires close to me anyway."
 
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Valli nodded, the understanding implicit. It was something that could easily be understood, even without the full context. It was, in a way, inherent to vampires. To be turned as a vampire meant having been bit as a vampire, and that meant that many vampires harbored strong feelings about their own kind. Most, he'd found, had been turned against their will. Most struggled with it.

"I have some recommendations I could make," Valli said. "Books, mostly. Biographies, or personal things of that nature. I think it might be helpful to see similar stories, to enforce the idea that you aren't alone in it. Reading similar stories from others can help..." He trailed off for a moment, trying to find the words. "Can help with self reflection. It can help give voice to the feelings you have, but can't quite say."
 
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Agnes wasn't a big reader. She read the occasional thriller or murder mystery and the Silence of the lambs was one of her favourites. But biographies? Agnes was pretty sure those would lull her to sleep, and she couldn't sleep. But she was ready to at least try, so Agnes shrugged and smirked a bit.
"I've heard worse ideas. Though I give no promises. I get bored fast if I don't care about something. And I don't really care about anything right now."
 
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"I never ask for promises," Valli said. "Promises are important things, meant to be kept. What I do is make requests. I ask people to try things, and then they decide if they want to try or not. What matters is a willingness to try. To put an effort in, even if you aren't sure it will work, and you're willing to try, so it's a step forward. Every attempt is a step forward."

He gave her a smile as he settled back a bit.

"Why don't we change topics," Valli said. "How are you finding school?"
 
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Okay, questions. Questions were easy. Agnes found it harder to try and explain something on her own, because unexpected things would make her choke or trip. But answering simple questions with clear direction helped her focus, and jump over and past the things that choked her.
"It's basically like the school in the human world, though the subjects are weird and going to classes at night is a first. Very vampire-like. And there are lot less whiny assholes, and the assholes that are around are pretty clear to see."
In her...old life Agnes had usually taken joy in making the assholes choke, or telling those basic bitches where exactly they stood. But now Agnes just walked among people without properly seeing them unless they put themselves out there. That had made Roa stand out for her, and the fact that the guy had just barged in and announced he was Agnes' friend. And who was she to argue with that?
 
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The answers seemed to flow smoothy, and Valli noted that little fact, ticking it away for future consideration. Ideally, he wanted to strike a balance between the session going smoothly, but also having given them at least some they'd have to stop and think about. If it was just her explaining, nothing would really progress.

"There are people on the island of all types," Valli said, "but yes. The island does have a way of helping people show who they are, for good or bad. Lots of people are so used to hiding that being able to express themselves on the island feels like a blessing, and the island in general has a much higher tolerance for what those in the narrow reality would consider antisocial behavior."

Assholes, effectively.

"Do you find the classes hard?"
 
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Lots of types indeed. A whole clusterfuck of all kinds of species and people and personalities. Agnes in all honesty thought it was a shame she couldn't enjoy all that chaos in her current state. She couldn't truly enjoy anything. As for the higher tolerance, Agnes couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad thing. At the moment it was all just meh.

Hard question. Did she find the classes hard. This was where Agnes' disinterest in everything came out. She...
"I don't know. I think I don't care enough. I just...go to them, do what's told, get out."
It was all a blur to her, partly because of her depression and partly because of her ADD. Agnes didn't get into anything that she wasn't interested in, and almost nothing interested her anymore.
 
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She didn't know if she found it hard. Even just from that, Valli's instinct was that she was coasting through life, something that was... well, generally less than ideal.

"Do you have plans for after this year?" Valli asked. "You're in senior year, correct?"

Which meant she'd be graduating, in theory. Assuming her grades were fine (or at least passable), she'd have the choice of college or the work force.
 
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