First Session: Agnes

Valli asked just the question Agnes had been avoiding for years now. She had never even thought about the future. Her whole life she had only concentrated on keeping herself and her...her siblings alive for another day. The threat of death had loomed over Agnes her whole life, and when it had finally swallowed her...she was still here.
"No, I don't have any plans. Have never had."
At some point of her preteen years Agnes had dreamed of being a lawyer, so she could've sued her parents and gotten them put to jail. But that dream had been beaten out of her, just like every other one. But all that had mattered to Agnes was that her siblings could dream.
Yes, it had been. But who knew anymore.

Goals. That was even worse. Agnes had to think of something, anything, to say to that and it required effort. Her brow even furrowed a bit as she thought about it. She couldn't say "to not die", because she didn't really care if she did or not.
"I suppose...my one goal is to have goals. If I want to get really sappy. And maybe...fixing what I broke. Though that one's impossible."

Agnes couldn't help but let out a small bitter laugh, when Valli said that few things on this island were impossible. Well, what Agnes had in mind was pretty much impossible.
"Then, on this island, can you redo your whole life?"
Agnes had a small smirk on her face as she raised a brow at Valli. But behind her smirk there was also pain. Because she really didn't see any other way of fixing it all. Her whole life had been messed up from the start. So the only way was to redo the whole thing, or just give up and just die already.

Of fucking course you could redo your life, what had Agnes been thinking? It was fucking Manta Carlos, why had she doubted it even for a second. The small smirk remained as Valli spoke, but it slowly faded when he asked Agnes to, again, pick a part of it, something she wanted to fix.
Where to fucking start?
"I-"
Just one word was enough to make Agnes choke. She had wanted to talk about her siblings, her meaning, her "cherry". But just thinking about talking about them, about what had happened, made Agnes choke. She uncrossed her legs and grounded them. She wasn't hyperventilating yet, but she did have to take a breath. Hell, she didn't even need to breathe anymore.

"I shouldn't have run away. If I would've just...dealt with it, taken the punches better, it all would still be intact. I'd be human."

For the first time in many, many months Agnes felt something. It was fear. It was slight, so slight, and it merely flickered at the back of Agnes' mind. But somehow that was...freeing.
Agnes shook her head at Valli's words. It wasn't just about her, she had been selfish, it had been a cowardly way out. Just because her father had gotten handy. Pathetic.
"I didn't, it was an impulse. Because I got scared. I'm not supposed to get scared. I'm supposed to be the strong one. But I left them there with them. Even though I said I'd protect them."
The fear gave Agnes power to say these words, she said them with a straight face and quiet voice, looking at the floor. She wasn't entirely there, part of her was in the night when she had ran away, leaving her siblings behind to that hell of a house.