You're under arrest for accounts of too much candy

Tom Marvolo Riddle

the dark lord
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Jul 19, 2015
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portland, oregon
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"…From the lost and found closet. The only things that didn't need an immediate wash?" Nero raised his eyebrows, then shrugged and put his hands up, briefly muffling a laugh. "Okay, okay. I won't say anything' else. Clearly it's been covered, and you don't need to be made further aware of the situation. Have that under control all on your own."

He didn't really expect the conversation to turn towards this topic. Police trustability, huh? He was neutral on the subject, mostly. In his opinion, the thought of too much distrust was laughable. Sure, supernatural cops had their intimidation factors to some, but they were a bunch of floppy, soft, newborn puppy dogs in comparison to the fucking full-blown military types he was familiar with. Law enforcement with an iron spiked fist, and other such investments.

"Wholesome," he snorted, grinning, though it wasn't particularly mean. "I think they'll just think you look ridiculous, babe, it's that simple. But hey, good for you, with the whole--" He made vague motions with his hand for a moment, trying to find the right words. He couldn't, so his speech was left light, humorous. "The caring about shit like that business. Really." And he remained the only one who knew he felt a tinge of admiration.

It'd be something he'd take advantage of without a blink, in another place, with another person. Good intentions, you know? Good intentions, or at least any commital towards pretending to have them, which was a marvel on its own! What a fucking mystery. Unicorns existed here too, he had to remind himself, the stereotypical storybook ones. All the wonders of space-- and Manta Carlos, this tiny little hole stuffed with weirdos, still managed to catch him off guard. From time to time. He wouldn't tell.

"Felix, I got zero ways of telling what kids these days like or not. You know I've only seen clips of Frozen, and it's dumb meme clips? That, and the fact that someone played that song, the one it's known for, at a space mall this one thing. I don't think they were suppose'ta do that, either. But! I know there's an inherent need in children to be excited about Disney movies. Listen. It's science. I would know. Side project of alien researchers, the Disney phenomenon study. Witnessed it myself."

After showing off his ability to ramble a mile a minute, and lie straight faced about space Disney studies, he went quiet as he watched Felix leave. Made brief eye contact with the rabbit, and licked his lips. Damn, that was way too appetizing. Self control! The requirement of a predator that happened to be smitten. He crossed his arms and gave a huff. He opted to grab some of the dumped out candy and eat it, wrapper included. It wasn't bad! He'd eaten garbage, his whole crew (at least the seniors) had. Manta Carlos plastic was gentle on his stomach.

He was picking absently at his clothes, right about to start poking Buns out of short attention span when Felix came back. Nero would love to say he reacted in a suave manner, but he glanced up and choked on absolutely nothing. Air, he guessed. He had a small coughing fit, and tugged at his shirt collar. "Wow, it get hotter in here? Ahem. Hey, you look drop dead gorgeous, an' I'm not just sayin' that 'cause I want sex, but that's a thing too."

He opened his mouth to reply to the question, but then, his exotic pet burst in. He gestured at Hattie and shrugged. "Trick or treating education, duh. I have two short babies that can pretend to be children, and behave like children half the time already, so I thought I'd let 'em have some fun. Hats, sweet pea, go ahead an' loot the cops for all they're worth. Except the bunny. Sorry. Top Kekaroonie not with you? What a scamp."
 

Poppy

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Mar 18, 2015
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Wow, that was an adorable reaction. Felix blushed and shrunk, feeling rather coy because of the attention. "Flatterer!" He giggled and lightly shoved Nero's arm. He turned around and did the bands in Jasmine's hair, making sure his hair looks suitably fluffy and soft. "What would people think about you ogling a beloved Disney classic? Honestly."

He was just being cute, of course. Felix liked being ogled by people he was interested in. It made him feel like he was glowing. Wanted. And then, he remembered an earlier thing Nero said, unable to shrug it off. "...You're shitting me about the Disney alien research, right? What would even be the point of that?" Usually, he'd know, but given this Island and the Station, it was hard to distinguish which was real and which wasn't.

Just then, Hattie came into the Station. For a moment, he wasn't sure if Hattie was a real child or if she was just playing follow the leader. He watched her dump all the candy into her basket and cringed. He then considered, wait, if Hattie took all of his candy... would he be off duty now?

He was never one to do something half-assed, but he also really really wanted to ditch this post and run off to have fun with Nero. He didn't graduate with a doctorate in Criminology to turn into Bailiff Banana, here to impart the knowledge of the buddy system and rape whistles. He was mostly doing this because nobody wanted to volunteer anyway.

"Um... Hattie, hold up. How about you also take some of these delicious Earth fruits and a pamphlet? Fruits are nutritious and the pamphlet is educational!" That was corny, but it was worth a shot. Maybe the desperation would translate in his voice and Hattie would take the bait. (He'd feel bad for not handing out the pamphlets though, so he stuffed those in his Jasmine pants so he could hand them to people while they were out.)
 

Sarrain

The Salt Sea
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"I do NOT behave like a child," Hattie said with a huff as she unwrapped a sucker and popped it into her mouth. When told she wasn't allowed to keep the bunny, Hattie gave a demure bat of her eyes and stroked the rabbit's silky fur. "But it's so soft..." she whispered.

"Nooo. Kek is looting the place across the street. She called that one because she said this place would have lame treats."

Hattie inspected one of the rape whistles and blew into it, face scrunched thoughtfully. "Fire! Fire!" She called, to further test the invention. The alien looked around. "I think it's defective. No one came."

Next, she inspected this "Earth fruit" and tried a piece of it. She spat it out. "Ew! That's disgusting!" And before Felix could blink she was scooping all of them into her large bucket. They may have been disgusting, but Hattie would be damned if someone else got them instead of her. Maybe she could trick Kek into a trade.

Hats saw Felix shove some of the pamphlets into his pants and darted forward to shamelessly grab at them. "Hey! Those are mine!" Her hand may have strayed more then necessary.
 

Kyp

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Detective Buns sniffed at the creature currently holding her. They smelled like the leafy greens Buns got for treats from Felix. It was loud and spoke a lot, but it also smelled sooo good.

Celine stayed in Hattie's hands, relaxed like a good bun. She sniffed at the creature's skin, which seemed to be the source of the smell. Celine nibbled a little on Hattie's fingers, tasting. Well, it was a little off. It did taste okay but Celine wasn't used to eating something syrupy and sticky like this. As the bunbun chewed, she was realizing that this was not a pleasant food and began to vomit the entire contents of her stomach into Hattie's hand.
 

Poppy

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Mar 18, 2015
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Felix watched the situation, cringing. One pirate was a headache. Two were causing a scene. When the bunbun vomited at the taste of Hattie, Felix picked her back up, rubbing her back soothingly. "There, there. I'll get you real lettuce in a bit."

Hattie took the bait, though! His eyebrows darted up, a delighted smile on his face. His devious plan to play hookie worked! ...He got ass grabbed in the police station a little too early in the night, but it worked! Felix laughed sheepishly, then handed her one.

"Just one. You already took the rest of the treats. If you let me take these, I'll tell you a little secret..." He bent over to whisper to her. Quietly, "Those fruits you took have seeds in them, which can be planted. They can turn into trees, Hattie."

He stood straight again, the bunny in his arms. "Well, it looks like my shift here's over! Treats are all cleaned out!" He raised his candy bowl and tipped it over, making a show of how positively empty the bowl was now. "I'm going out to party now, if no one minds!"

With that, Felix jogged back to his desk and put Celine back into her cage with a toy, a food and water refill, and a few sticks of carrots and lettuce as a treat. He petted her a few times, nervous energy vibrating under his skin, then gave her a little kiss on the head before running back to the desk. He latched himself onto Nero's arm, laughing. "Come on, Aladdin, time to show me the world!"
 

Tom Marvolo Riddle

the dark lord
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Jul 19, 2015
1,892
portland, oregon
mantacarlos.tumblr.com
Pronouns
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Nero put his hands up in defense, looking offended. "Flattery? Why, I'll have you know my awkward sexual advances and compliments are very sincere!" He looked Felix up and down, giving a long wolf whistle. "I'm sure they'd find it vulgar of me, but somehow, I can't bring myself to care. Listen, Felix, you can't tell me the character design team gave the her that midriff and expected only chaste reactions. No fuckin' way. I don't buy it. I'm within my rights to leer."

He listened to Hattie, nodding. "You do. You're older than I am, but it doesn't show at all. So tiny, so cutesy. Baby plant, right here. And Kekster had the right idea. The devilishly charming fiend. You should take one of the fruits and sneak it into her candy, so she can't escape the lame. Evil, I know. Love it."

He broke out into his usual asshat grin when the serious research he'd brought up was given acknowledgement. "Fuck no! I'm totally shitting you. At least, not in my research facility, that was all supersoldier nonsense. Who knows, outside of that. Actuaaally, I bet if it doesn't already exist, it will soon, with the station and all. Humans and their culture are a real novelty to the alien populace at large. Have you seen those Buzzfeed articles about random trendy garbage? That's what the point would be! Research isn't always cold laboratory nerd stuff, sometimes it's pandering shallow trash, and Earth is like a new reality TV show planet."

The pirate went quiet, curious, when Felix started eyeing Hattie. When he spoke, Nero snortlaughed, catching on immediately. He was the flattered one now! And highly amused that Felix was using his crew member for this. Good plan, too, because Hattie went for it without any trace of hesitation. Nero shook his head and continued giggling. She was robbing the cops, just like he'd told her to.

The rabbit vomiting on Hattie wasn't something that phased him. He stared a bit, much like a dog side eyeing a gross thing it knew it wasn't allowed to mess with. This was probably a good time to leave, wasn't it? When someone threw up, that was usually a reliable sign to move on. Despite the squick, Felix was clearly smug, too, not bothering to hide it. And he gave Hattie another gift. The gift of knowledge. Shudder. She was already dangerous enough when clueless about things.

When Felix jogged away briefly, Nero shot fingerguns at Hattie. "Well, I don't know about you, I'm going to go get laid. Cheers!" A warmth settled in his stomach once his date returned and pressed against him. He nuzzled Felix and nodded, eagerly tugging him away to the exit. "Shining, shimmering splendid!" he sang, bursting out into laughter at the end, their voices gradually fading as they left. First holiday back on Earth, and he was going to party all fucking night.
 
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