You're under arrest for accounts of too much candy

Poppy · Oct 1, 2016

Felix was aware he was being, as the kids would call it, a total nerd. When he was much younger, he went to the parties, dressed up in shameless costumes that emphasized the shape of his ass and made out with sexy nurses/cats/rabbits/firemen in closets while being completely inebriated.

Now he was, well, wearing a giant banana costume at the main desk of the Station, with his fateful companion Detective Buns sitting on the table. He was handing out a bowl of treats for the kids. Personally, he was pretty embarrassed about what they were handing out — whistles, fruit cups, apples, tiny flashlights, and pamphlets about staying safe this Halloween season. Felix had to run to the corner store, dressed up as a giant banana mind you, and bought packs of candy so it wasn't a total disaster.

Still, the kids were pretty cute. He was a ball of nerves next to the desk, thinking about later evening plans. He had the Jasmine costume, just like he promised Nero. It looked good on him! ...But the midriff was intense, really. He didn't want people staring. He was already shy about this dumbass banana costume. He petted Detective Buns to calm himself down. These therapy animals really did the trick.

Kyp · Oct 1, 2016

Detective Buns had picked out her own costume. Yup. The fluffy lavender rabbit was wearing a bright pink... Pacman ghost costume. She was Pinky the ghost, with a cute little pink vest to keep her warm and a pink skirt made by Felix to resemble the bottom of the ghosts. Celine was more than happy to help her assistant detective with his job, by being cute for the numerous small flat-faced giants. And of course, being soft and fluffy for her flat-faced giant. Buns was smart. She could tell when Fekix was upset and right now he was. The bunny ground her teeth together to make a soft, reassuring, purring noise, as if to say "I'm here. It's safe."

Tom Marvolo Riddle · Oct 1, 2016

Nero wasn't in costume yet. But Felix was. It wasn't the costume the raider was looking forward to, though. This was entirely, strikingly-- yellow. And different.

Oh, this was just a fucking riot, wasn't it? He'd shown up unfashionably early to bother Felix at work, and here he was, even more welcoming to teasing than predicted. Too perfect. Wow. Nero hoped he wasn't keeping that on for the masquerade. If he betrayed him and did that, well, he may have to return the favor by embarrassing Felix and visibly making out with a banana at a fancy dance party. He'd do it. He would!

The space outlaw waltzed right into the police station like he owned the place (and he wasn't intimidated, because he hadn't committed any crimes in Manta Carlos), and made a beeline for the lobby's main desk, where his beautiful banana was. He leaned on the desk heavily, lightly tracing circles on the surface with a finger, flirtatiously. "Why, my love, my sweet, do I hear… the gentle, muffled sound of music? A harmonious tune, drifting through the air, into my heart? Something about… time, time for what, this is so mysterious…"

A pause, to dig through the candy bowl, which wasn't entirely candy. "The fuck? Is this a joke? Real april fools prank you got here, 'cept it ain't april and I am at least no fool on the matter of enjoyable junk." He scrunched his nose up at the mini flashlights. Mini deathlights, more like. If a kid tries to shine that shit in his eyes so help him he will go screechy mode right then and there. After he laid down for a bit, of course.

Nero took one of the whistles and shoved it in his mouth, blowing notes for a moment before taking it out and continuing the song with his voice alone. "I believe, that it might be, peanut butter jelly time!" He proceeded to sing this, with great enthusiasm, for long enough to both get his point across and be unbearably annoying-- but not so long that random cops would come over to punch him. He only wanted to piss off one cop. The cop who was his date for the rest of the evening. Nero wasn't known for being the smartest guy around. He leapt first and thought later, thank you very much.

"Will you do the dance?" he asked Felix, very seriously. He made some movements with his arms. "This one. I can bring it up on youtube for you to copy, if you need reference material?"

Poppy · Oct 1, 2016

Felix bristled as soon as he recognized the person that entered. It was the man of his daydreams, yes, but it wasn't time for them to meet up yet! Not yet! He was at work in a banana costume no less.

There was no saving him from the public humiliation. He was going to get meme'd on, but he'd already meme'd himself. He was primed and pre-meme'd. (Primemed.) He didn't need tremendous foresight to be able to tell what was going to happen next, what bad, cringeworthy meme was going to get thrown at his face.

It was fucking peanut butter jelly time.

Felix felt his face heat up, mortified. And like all of Nero's dumb stunts, they often went on way, way too long. Times like this, he wondered why he even liked this guy, and how he managed to get laid on a regular basis. This did the opposite of arouse and attract him. This was one of those embarrassing moments that keep you up at night, the memory torturing you like a demon with a pitchfork.

Felix huffed and advanced to him, every bit the definition of a pissed off lover, and attempted to shove Nero into the ground. "Nice to see you too, jerk! Have fun not getting laid tonight!"

Tom Marvolo Riddle · Oct 1, 2016

Nero laughed to the point that he was wheezing and coughing, weak, oh so weak. He managed to put his hands up defensively in response to the shoving, though not seeming all that moved by it. "Sorry! Sorry, you set yourself up! It was too easy! I couldn't not do it! Temper, temper, Felix. Ohmygod."

He dipped in and gave Felix a kiss on the top of his head before he could protest, then dodged away again in case he was about to get smacked. "I just want to know why you're a banana now, baby. Don't hurt me." He lowered his voice to a whisper, "No more."

One to forever push his luck but not without some extra pizazz, he ran off for a minute, then came back with a bouquet of flowers to present his darling banana with. He smiled and tilted his head cutely. "You may stomp on these if it'll appease your anger. I got them all for you! Also, would it make you feel better if I serenaded you with non-meme songs? Hi, yes, nice to see you."

Poppy · Oct 1, 2016

"I did not — alright, you know what, fair enough. But I'm at my job, jackass! You think I'm having fun being a banana, huh!?" Maybe he was being unfair here. Nero was doing him a kindness not resorting to obvious dick jokes around the kids. He could give him a 'not as awful as you could've been' star.

"I'm a banana because..." he trailed off as he got surprise meme'd on, furrowing his eyebrows, looking like he's suffered a terrible insult. That gave Nero enough time to dash away and get — a beautiful bouquet of flowers? He took them into his arms, muttering a small 'awww' and melting a little, cheeks flushed and knees trembling. He couldn't stay mad at him. He was scarred, maybe permanently, but he was never really mad at Nero.

Oh. That was how Nero got laid. Stupid romantic jackass memer.

"I'll have you know that it was between the banana and the pencil, and my little friend here —" He gestured to the rabbit on the counter, "— gets rather aggressive around pencils. Maybe if you paused for one second from peanut butter jelly time, you'd take a page from my book and think about how your actions can affect others..." He giggled. That was so corny. "No, but really, I dunno, I meaaan... Jasmine's kind of too much right now, don't you think?"

Kyp · Oct 1, 2016

Celine gave Felix an innocent rabbit look from within the candy bowl. Which she had dumped all the candy out of. Her tiny bunny nose twitched as if to say: "who me? Aggresive? Nahhhh". She settled down happily in the bowl with more purring.

Felix's friend smelled bad, and he looked strange, but that was okay. Felix was the only important flat-faced giant, and he wasn't frightened by the strange man.

Tom Marvolo Riddle · Oct 1, 2016

"Wait, are you bein' paid to play banana dress up?" Nero asked, cautiously. "That sounds a lil' shady, my sweet banana dumpling." However, despite all his badly timed commentary, he earned the affection right back. It was always nice when his impulses could clean up for his other impulses.

He stepped closer to give Felix a kiss, on the lips this time. Obnoxious yellow costumes, the new sexy! Who could've guessed? "You look like such a dork right now. Giant banana with a bouquet of flowers, blushing. It's endearing in ways I hadn't known could be that."

Nero looked at the bunny, who had fucked over the candy bowl. He frowned. "Truly intimidating." Smelled tasty, though. He was guessing he'd be in 'not getting laid tonight' zone again if he asked about eating it, so he didn't do that. He resisted. Barely. "I can't believe I managed to push you away from the hotdog, and you just moved to bananas and pencils instead. Why are they all ugly fullbody costumes that I could make very particular jokes about?"

"I can't pause it when you scheduled it, Felix." He half sat on the front desk, grinning. "I don't think jasmine is too much! Kids love Disney princesses. Think of all the little girls that'll squeal when they see you. Doesn't matter if you're showing some skin."

Poppy · Oct 1, 2016

"No, no... I'm not being paid to play banana dress-up. That's silly. They told me to wear a costume, and I only had Jasmine with me because I sold the hotdog on Alien eBay, so I... had to choose from the stuff in the Lost and Found closet. The Pencil and Banana were the only ones that didn't didn't need an immediate wash, so I chose the banana. It's wholesome, right? Eating healthy? Stuff like that." He hummed. "Lots of people don't trust the police on the island. Good reason or no, it's important to earn the citizens' trust back." Not that the discussion would matter to Nero, but, well, it was his job.

When Nero moved to kiss him, Felix smiled and put a hand on his shoulder, getting on his tiptoes to meet him. He squeezed his nose at the teasing. He put the flowers on the table. It was rather silly.

"Do little girls even know about Aladdin these days? They like Frozen and Tangled and other... adjectives. You know what, fine, I'll change. I have a feeling you're not the only that's going to be a child about this costume, so I might as well." He took the candy bowl from Nero, glaring at him a bit for eyeing the bunny, and placed it back on the table. "Be nice to Detective Buns. Don't let her jump off the table, alright? She's on the clock too."

He gave the two one last look before jogging back to his work station. He grabbed the dufflebag next to his desk and headed to the men's bathroom. A little hair length spell here, sex change necklace around his hips there. He put on the clothes and the accessories, and headed back to the desk, opting to do his make-up and hair at the table. "So! How do I look — hold on, it's not done yet. Why are you so early, anyway?" He raised an eyebrow as he carefully did his eyeliner.

Sarrain · Oct 3, 2016

Why was he so early anyway? Well, for one, Nero's residential plant needed some FLIPPING CANDY. Hattie was later coming in than him by a long shot. She had a pot for a trick or treating bucket instead of a jack-o-lantern and wore a Poison Ivy costume because of course, she did.

The pirate skipped in and immediately went for the candy bowl, trying to take the whole thing and just dump it with everything she'd collected.

"Woah! Who is the baaaabe?" she asked Nero, giving a little glance to Felix, who she may or may not have really recognized. It was a fifty-fifty chance.

"Can I have the bunny, too?" Without waiting for an answer, Hattie was already reaching for detective buns.

♠♠♠

@Ghost @Tom Marvolo Riddle @Poppy

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