TV is weird...

TEDDY

"Trust me, you're not being paranoid," the television said, all British-like and fancy. For a brief moment white teeth were visible on it as if it were smiling, and then they disappeared again. "There is something out there, something sinister, something wrong - something that can be yours for only nine-ninety five! Call now."

Halfway through the ominous statements the television shifted voices and became a telemarketer.

When Maddie stepped in and asked her question, the teeth formed again and the television replied, "Me, probably."

Whatever was in the telly, it began to smile widely. A set of white teeth formed on - or was it in? - the screen, opening and closing in sync with the audio of an ad for an impractical and rickety portable ladder. It was probably a rerun of some sort, basing on the age of the visuals and how the salesman fell flat on the ground as the ladder collapsed. "Ouch. That hurt. Well, it didn't hurt me but you probably understand. How do I look, by the way?"

Two blue arms popped out of either side of the television and beckoned for the newcomer to enter the room. "Hey, come closer and sit down - you'll tire out standing there, fella," Teddy said from inside the television, his words slightly muffled with static. He'd been there a while - or perhaps he'd only gotten there just now. No one would know.

The arms bent inward and Teddy pointed at the channel change buttons of the television while most of his body stayed inside it. "Good question though... what are you watching? You're paying good money for good television and you're watching Vince Offer offer you some stuff you don't need? Hey, one of you guys press me right here. Turn me over to HBO. I think it's time for some of the good stuff."

When the TV spoke to her, Maddie's entire face went white. It was like something out of a nightmare. She would have screamed, but all that managed to come out was an odd, uninspired kind of moan.

Even worse, the things teeth were showing in the creepiest smile imaginable. Maddie wanted to cry, but she held it in.

"Holy shit. Whatthehellareyou!" she squeaked. She had never seen anything like..whatever this was. This place had TV...monster things?

Despite her fears, Maddie got closer to it, sitting on her knees directly in front of the television set. She even (hesitantly) reached out and flipped the channel to HBO, as per its request.

"You don't bite do you?" she asked cautiously, the edge of a joke in her voice. It would have been a better joke had she not looked so afraid. Okay, admittedly, it was only a half joke. She really didn't want to be bitten by a tv monster.

She had to admit if only to herself, that the British accent was cool.

@Laetus @Der Lampman
Maddie looked back sheepishly at Laetus and smiled. It reminded her that other people were in this room and that made her feel a little less freaked out.

"This is not what normal tv is like. But it is much better than Vince Offer. I mean, of all things you turned on, Vince Offer?" She shook her head. "That's just sad."

Maddie turned her attention back to the...smiling tv, all the while wishing she had Bandit there to make her feel calmer.

"Who are you? What are you? That's not impolite to ask, is it?"

"Hang on, hang on," said the television as the arms moved in and kept pressing on the buttons. The channel changed and changed to the sound of static, both actual and narrated by the guy inside. "Kzzt. Kzzt. Static noises. Oh, there we go."

On the screen was a guy in a mask, from a certain movie giving some sort of monologue. Teddy spoke along, once again in confusingly accurate British. "Who? Who is but a function following the form of what, and what I am is a confusingly-defined entity inside a telly. Wait. That's not how the script works. Wrong words, wrong words."

While V gave his speech on the screen, Teddy made realistic page-flapping noises from inside, interspersed in his snippets of now vaguely Scottish ramblings. "Aye, tha nae seem 'ppropriate. Hmm. Hmm. Nae kinna figure out wha I'm s'pos'd ta say... program rated R-18? Nae tha kinna fookin' be it."

More page-flipping ensued, together with more channel changing. "So, what brings you here to these lonely woods? No, that's not it either. Gah, fine! You know what, just call me Drummond or Eblis O'Shaughnessy."

@Der Lampman @Laetus

"Oh my gosh, your accent," Maggie gasped. Seriously, the British accent. What girl — nay, what person didn't like a British accent?

"Do you hear it?" she asked Laetus over her shoulder.

Maddie put her hands on either side of the television and pushed her forehead to it for a moment as if this would tell her more about it. Finally, she scooted to get behind it and look around. Was this easy for the creature to do?

The moment her fear subsided, Maddie was completely and utterly taken with this creature. "Drummond sounds easier to say," she said as she rummaged around behind the tv, giggling at the different accents Drummond used.

"Again, I lost my script so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be right now. Last time I was some sort of strange demon, and now... I'm here in this telly. Being an errant entity doesn't exactly entitle one to benefits. Times are hard..."

As if it were some dramatic cue, Teddy pressed on the buttons again and switched to a music channel which played some pop music. "Oh, wrong channel, wrong channel," he groaned as he pressed again to move to another music channel, this time playing sad violin pieces. "There you go. Times are hard - hey, uh, wh-why are you behind me? I - please be careful back there, uh, heeeeeeeeey don't touch whatever you just touched - uh."

Teddy didn't actually have any clue what was happening behind the television as he'd stayed affixed with his face overlapping with the screen, but audio cues were more than enough to riff off of.

Maddie immediately pulled up and stopped touching Drummond.

"I wanted to see if you could feel that!" she grinned. "Talk more in that snazzy British accent."

Maddie crawled around the tv twice before settling in front of it on her knees. "So, you go to class here, right? How often do you hide inside tv? Or anything else. Wait — can you come out?"

"Maybe, maybe not," the television said in that British accent by popular demand, hands playing around in front of the screen as if it were examining them. "Feelings are a strange thing. Sometimes a stranger cuts off a limb and you feel nothing, while sometimes they burn your entire body with a single touch."

For a very, very brief moment half a blue-colored head covered in white hair popped out of the screen with that rictus grin still on it firmly. Then it pulled back into the television screen.

"I would if I were able to," Teddy sighed. Still in that British accent, he pretended to be sad for a bit, for no reason other than 'why not?' It seemed like he was going to have to stay in that voice for quite a while. "I - well, I don't remember why I'm here, but I've been here for quite a while -"

- which was around half an hour at most, but still a while -

"- and I do feel something wrapped around my neck -"

- as he'd placed it in between the cables -

"- and only sheer luck has kept my arms free."

Okay, that last part was just a plain lie.

"Anyway, let's not dwell on my conundrum. He clearly has a few things to work with, what with being unbound by gravity, our everpresent mistress. How do you do that? Floating around, and disrespecting one of the four fundamental forces that keep our world intact?"