Private Finished The Pin Won't Drop Until It's Pushed

Yuki stopped in front of the door to the rooftop. Why had Gabe asked to meet him here? Did he finish dealing with whatever his trouble was?

The boy hovered, unsure. Unsure of why he was unsure.
He actually felt...nervous.

It shouldn't make you feel nervous to see a friend. Were he and Gabe still friends? Was Yuki being...dumped? The boy gulped, trying hard to focus his breathing. Then deciding not to do that, because each time he'd tried to focus on his breath he'd find that the panic attacks would get worse. So instead he opted to dash down to the courtyard that the rooftop overlooked and then back to the rooftop entrance. Better, although he now felt kind of...buzzy. Like he had a bunch of energy that needed spending. He supposed that'd have to do.

At least it was better than beginning the conversation with fully-bloomed anxiety.

Steeling himself, the white-haired teen opened the door to a cold breeze. Gabe would be cold in this weather. Why had he chosen this spot? He looked, and... there Gabe was.

His friend. His confidant. His... his partner. His voice played in his mind before he even spoke: "You and I are friends. So no matter what happens, I've got your back and I hope you'll have mine." The words rang out silently on the wind, the sweet memories playing in his head. He tried not to cry as he took everything in - swallowing as much air as he could as if the wind would help him preserve the happiness he'd been allowed to feel for such a short time. He burned it into his vision - the image of Gabe looking at the books in front of him. The way his hands were marked with toil, the way he somehow seemed to fill the SA uniform better than Yuki could ever hope to and the way the sun brought out a subtle verdant hue to his eyes and hair.

Yuki's name fitted him. His happiness, like snow, was fleeting. It would melt, and no one would ever even know it had happened. He'd be able to act and pretend all was fine and glimmering with light and hope, but underneath would be naught but the tainted muddy soul he owned.
The seconds passed like hours as he stood there, looking at Gabe with a conflicted expression, steeling himself for what was going to happen next.

He could tell. Today was the day that everything was going to come to an end.

Yuki blinked.

Gabe looked happy to see him? Gabe looked happy to see Yuki? This...wasn't how this normally worked out. All the times Yuki had been told someone needed to talk to him, it had been to beat him up or to tell him to stop calling out to them or to hurl insults at him until his heart went numb. It was...weird. Weird to not have that happening yet. Or... or maybe it would happen. Not yet, but soon. Maybe Gabe was just being pleasant for the sake of anyone who could hear. Maybe Gabe would whisper in his ear the four words he was waiting for:

"...I'm done with you."

The boy didn't dare to hope; didn't dare to dream that things might go another way. And yet... and yet he wanted to. He wanted to so badly. And so he forced himself to shuffle forward, one foot at a time, one breath at a time. Looking anywhere but at Gabe, he found himself a spot leaning against the stone balcony, staring out at the sun that was beginning to set over the balcony. He allowed himself a small, sad smile.

"Hi..." He said, forcing himself to not look. To not see that expression. To not make himself vulnerable to the incoming pain.
'Hurry up, Gabe. Let me down already.' He thought to himself, desperately trying to numb his emotions.

It wasn't working.

The world ground to a halt. Gabe... was sorry. Gabe...missed him. Gabe...wanted Yuki's forgiveness.

His chest felt light. His knees went weak. He fell, collapsing against the railing. He started laughing. Tears of relief fell from his eyes.

"Oh my god...oh my god." He repeated hysterically, crying and laughing simultaneously. He wanted to hug Gabe. He wanted to punch himself. He wanted to scream and cry and shout and laugh and smile and jump up and down. He wasn't being dumped. He wasn't being dropped. Gabe had been telling the truth. Gabe really wasn't going to let Yuki go. They...they really were friends.

"I'm so glad..." He whispered, running a hand through his hair. It was cold, but his insides felt all warm and fluttery. The sun was setting, but he felt a light bursting forth from his heart. It was winter, but he could hear angels and birds singing together. "I was so sure you were going to let me go..." He allowed himself to look at Gabe. To take in that familiar sight that he'd get to see much more of than he thought.

"Thank you... for not abandoning me." He giggled and sniffed simultaneously. It was a weird sight.

Yuki gently shook his head, pushing Gabe's hand away from his eyes as he dabbed at them. He couldn't let him do that... Such an intimate gesture... It felt too strong. Like it was more than friends. And Yuki knew that right now was not the time for him to be questioning his standing with Gabe.

Instead he pulled the hand Gabe had been wiping his tears with and held it to his cheek, enjoying the warmth. "...stay." He said, and that was it. It was all he wanted. He pulled Gabe down and hugged him, not suffocatingly, but enough to reassure himself that this was real. That Gabe was real. That all of this wasn't just a dream.

"It's not your fault I cry." He finally muttered to Gabe, after a few moments of just...existing. Being not alone. "It's my fault that these stupid eyes of mine keep leaking. Maybe I should go get them fixed." He giggled softly. He was happy, but...it seemed like Gabe wasn't. What could Yuki do to fix that?

"But if you really want to atone... tell me why. Why do you think you're a villain? And no take-backsies."

Yuki began to let go, but found Gabe continuing to hold on. Oh...okay. Well, the boy wasn't one to turn down a hug. Or a continuation of a hug. Gabe was warm. Being with him made him feel safe; grounded; stable. He squeezed to let Gabe know it was okay: he felt comfortable like this.

Gabe tensed. Clearly this was a deep topic. The boy began to pat his friend's back and cradle his head like he had before, shifting so that he could be more comfortable as the hug continued as he leaned back against the railing for rest.

And yet that had been a mistake. Yuki was shocked at himself - he...he felt the familiar bubble of anger rise up from beneath him. Gabe had stolen. Gabe had taken from the weak. He had been dishonest, brutal, perhaps doing the same thing to others as had been done to Yuki.

And...he had liked it.

The boy began trembling, trembling because he didn't know what to do. How did you respond to something like that? How did you tell someone that it was okay when it wasn't? How did you... Gabe seemed repentant, so perhaps that was enough. Knowing Gabe, he had probably already done something to repay his actions. The guilt was clearly consuming him already.

And yet... and yet Yuki couldn't find it in himself to just say it was alright. So he clung to the other boy, unable to speak, unable to think. He nodded, and wanted to say it was okay, but he couldn't. He couldn't say anything. Because Gabe had just told him he'd done everything that Yuki stood against. And yet he couldn't even stay mad, because he knew. He knew what Gabe was like now. He knew what had caused Gabe to be like that.

What did you say to something like that?