ten years later

Michael was listening to all of this with wide eyes. It didn't feel like new information anymore. It was like a missing puzzle piece that made sense of everything, something that was always there that he couldn't, or wouldn't, understand. But there was something else here that he wasn't getting, and it irritated him to no end. It wasn't something that came from Damon though. It was from himself.

And that made it worse. At least Damon could identify his own feelings. Mike was smart and charming, so it never really made sense to people when he told them that he didn't understand so many things that were obvious to them. Complicated feelings. Sentiment. Love. They felt so foreign, intense, too much at once. His heart was in overdrive. He wanted to turn everything off so he wouldn't burn out.

"That was like the first day we met!" Michael snapped back, voice trembling. Suddenly celebrating ten years wasn't so appropriate anymore. Ten years, Mike. He's been in love with your toxic ass self for ten years. God, that was a sick thought. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. He wanted to throw up. No more of this.

He remembered that time in his apartment, when he got so choked up that Damon offered to cuddle, and he was looking at all of it now with this information. It warmed him. It made the memory... softer.

He felt that strongly, despite it all. Affection. Warmth. Elation. His heart was doing somersaults, it was nuts. Over this? Over love? Was that how it was supposed to go? He loved this, didn't he? He... loved him. He was in love. He was in love! Oh my fucking shit. He was in love? He wanted to be disgusted, but there was nothing about this nightmare man that he was disgusted about. Nothing at all.

The conflicting feelings mixed with the good again, but this time, he was regretting all this time. Ten years of being in love, wasted on friendship???? Pining???? Pain???? Damon didn't deserve that. This needed to end.

"You should've told me..." he started, cheeks flushed, still processing but with a newfound certainty. "You should've told me! Damon! We're thirty years old! Oh my god, I'm growing gray hair, and you tell me this now? I can't believe this!"

He didn't know a lot of things, when it came to this, and heaven forgive him but he did know he didn't want to spend their twentieth friendversary in ten years. It wanted something deserved and meaningful.

"We wasted so much time together being friends when we could've been married already! I could've entered my thirties settled down instead of being a partying douchebag! I'm so old now!" He went over to him and held him, kissing him all over his face, not passionate but... grateful and apologetic. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm such a douche, but marry me? Like, hopefully before my hair grays? Who even has time to date in our age, anyway?"

Michael hugged Damon tightly and rocked them back and forth out of, he didn't know, concern? Happiness? Both? Maybe they both needed soothing actions right now, because this entire day sure was overwhelming. He also wasn't crying, shut up, those were snowflakes melting on his face or something. He was trembling. Who was he kidding.

Michael was in love. He didn't just fall in love. He was in love this whole time... Yes? Yes! Of course. God. This was so weird and so surreal. He thought he'd made up his mind about romance, which was that, he wasn't even into it. The original plan was to marry a rich old person when his looks were beginning to fade, wait for them to die, and then spend their money to buy a fancy vacation house at the Bahamas. But spending his life with Damon? That felt good, and right, and real. He wasn't a smart guy when it came to feelings and he had to tendency to spew the first stupid thing that came to his head, but the more he thought about it, the more he thought yeah. Yeah, it wasn't something he'd regret at all.

"I love you! I love you and your stupid cute monster face and your patience and your kindness, everything about you? I'm fucking smitten? It took so long for me to notice that wanting to include you in every aspect of my life actually means I want you to be my life. I'm fucking dumb. You know that, and you stuck around, I can't believe it. You really need to punch me in the face, like at least once."

Damon was so good, too good for someone like him. Mike was appealing on the outside but anybody who got too close saw the horrible quality of character, a monster covered in pretty skin, and they ran away. He couldn't blame them.

Not Damon. Never Damon. Why didn't Damon love himself enough to find someone better? There was no part of him that deserved this man. Regardless, Mike was selfish as hell, fuck deserving anything. He'd love him, and cherish him, and maybe at some point he'd feel like that Damon didn't do bad with him after all. The man has had enough of poor romantic choices.

He kissed him back, kissed him all over his face, and his heart wasn't settling down at all. Damon said yes! They were going to get married! It didn't feel real, but it was exciting!

"I know, I know what this means, all right? I hope you know what that means. We're gonna get married, and you're going to have to put up with waking up next to my dumb self every morning. I wouldn't subject that to my worst enemy. Are you sure you don't want to back out? Slow down, maybe? Like, really think about it." He made sure to say this while making straight eye contact, as serious as he could muster.

And. There was a part of him that feared the answer to that question, really. He was really fucking needy, he'd be devastated, but Damon deserved an out, deserved better, deserved the world even. Oh goood. He really wanted to cover his ears, and run, and freak out and maybe scream. It was all too much, he was surprised he was even handling himself as well as he did. Shit, he really, really wanted to get married, aha.

"P-Pfft, look, shut up, I'm just —" Michael wiped his tears away and laughed, relieved, really. For a literal nightmare that could cause fear in people, Damon sure had a way of taking away his. Thinking about it. Bringing that up was ridiculous in retrospect. When did he ever think about stuff? Wasn't not thinking what brought the two of them together as friends in the first place? The last ten years had been wonderful, drama notwithstanding, and their new life together, that was going to be wonderful too.

Being tugged down, being asked to be greedy, shit. How could he say no to any of that, honestly. He pulled Damon's hand away from his face and kissed it, leaning down to kiss him on the lips too, heated and desperate. His hands were clutching the sides of his arm, squeezing maybe a little too much, making sure this wasn't some sort of dream. He was going to marry the shit out of this man.

When their lips parted, Mike took a few seconds to catch his breath, nodding. He was feeling his confidence returning. He grinned, bright as the sun. "I'll be greedy... I am greedy. No shortage of want for me! I'm a douchebag that takes what he wants, and I want you to be mine."

He picked Damon up very inelegantly, really, he just wrapped his arm around his lower waist and. Picked him up. Smooth. Look, whatever, there wasn't any time to waste here, they had to make this official really quick. Goodbye, dumpster. (Actually, no, he was going to pick that up later. He had plans for it. Just — just wait, all right? Mike was at least confident that no one was going to steal their special dumpster, because really, who the fuck would want to do that?)

He placed Damon back in his seat and got on his, and it would be easy to just fuck right then and there and he did have plans to fuck in the new car, but that was all very secondary right now. Michael was very determined to do this the right way.

"We're gonna need rings," he said as he started the car engine. "And then we're going to have to talk about a date and pick out caterers and flowers for the wedding." He paused for a bit, hummed, and felt his face flush. Wedding. They were getting married. Aw, hell. He felt all soft at that. "I want to do this right. For once in my life, I want to do something right, I fucked up with Michelle and I fucked up not realizing this earlier. I want to do right by you."

He smiled and held Damon's hand to reassure him, but who was he kidding, he was reassuring himself. Don't fuck this up, his head repeated. He wouldn't.

He drove off. Next stop? Jewelry store.

Michael's existence was usually like raging fireworks, bright, fiery and colorful, but it was a fussy, discontent kind of energy. His heart often felt empty, and he'd fill that emptiness with booze and fast cars. It would work — or at least, distract him for a short time, but he'd fall into the shitty cycle of self-destruction all over again. He was trapped. It was vicious.

Now, Michael's existence felt quiet for the first time in a long while. Michael often avoided silence in fear that his anxieties, insecurities, every single damn thing that haunted his thoughts would catch up to him. This time, in the quiet, he felt content. His heart felt full. He wasn't looking anymore, and he wasn't lost in this cold, unforgiving world. He was just... happy.

He'd been through a lot in his thirty years of existence. Gained status, felt nothing. Money, felt nothing. Sexual conquest, felt nothing. He was happy now. Maybe that was what he was after all along: Love. Michael was glad to love, and be loved. He was middle-aged now. It was time for him to settle down and raise a family with the love of his life before he lost all the strength in his bones.

He sat there at the jewelry store parking lot for a while, letting the feeling of contentment wash over him. He felt different. A changed man. Not fussy, not wracked with regrets or overwhelmed by the missed opportunities of his youth. He was just an adult, and engaged on top of that. When Damon came to, he smiled and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Morning. You're sleeping a lot. Didn't get much last night, huh?" Michael rubbed his arm fondly. He gave him a stern look. "Dream? Dame, look at these authentic puffy eyes. The only time I'll get them this bad is if they cancel Law and Order, and last I checked, it's still running. Older than some of the students I'm teaching, even." He kissed his cheek. "It was real. It happened. We're fine. Come on, let's get a ring around your finger."

He exited the car and beckoned Damon to follow him inside. He looked at his surroundings. He didn't think much of jewelry shops before, but being gay added a new perspective to things. Michael went straight to the ring displays, beckoning Damon to come close.

"You know, I like the classic diamonds. Very official. People'll look at it and go, yep, you're super married." Michael didn't personally care for diamond size or whatever, but he liked how official diamond rings felt. "Jewelry guy, a couple of those thousand dollar diamond rings."

The guy took out several bands for fitting. Michael grinned, smug, and took Damon's hand into his own. He fitted one of them on his ring finger. "I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this way forward; for better, for worse, for hilarious MTV reality shows, for when there's nothing good on cable, for better fitting rings..." He snickered and pulled the tight ring out, and slipped an even better fitting one, "to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part. Let's be real, it'll be my death. But I've got a few years left until my cabbage patch turns grey, don't you think?"