Relapse

When Cat wasn’t attending class, working her assignments, or working the week had been spent sitting on the stool by the window in front of her easel, canvas going untouched and paints congealing slowly as she stared out the window, her mind for away from her art and focused in on a troubled man. Her evenings were hours of internet surfing while tucked under her blankets, alternately slipping between reflecting on her evening with Lochlann and actively seeking out all information based on what he’d revealed about himself.

Caitlin was exhausted. It showed in the way bluish circles graced the place beneath her eyes and the way her shoulders curved in on her as if she were too weary to stand up straight. She’d finally gotten a decent night of sleep last night because she’d finally come to the conclusion that now that she knew everything there was to know about what he was, Lochlann was as safe to be around as any man. The risk she ran by spending time with him: potentially being drowned or eaten up, wasn’t much difference then the risk she ran going on a date with any man who might corner her and force themselves on her or kidnap her and torture her or any number of other things her tired mind had thought up this past week. She’d sent him a quick text before classes this morning and eagerly checked for a response before going to work:


Caitlin was dressed in jeans, gray boots that rode up her legs to just over her knees, and a warm, black sweater under an open jacket. She had her hair pulled into its usual pony tail and the light breeze was snatching strands from the band to whip around her face. She was standing on the ledge, leaning into the emptiness, her slender hands firmly wrapped around the railing behind her, knuckles white, cheeks pale, knees threatening to buckle beneath the weight of her fear. Her body was shaking but she didn’t back away back onto the safety of the roof. She didn’t jump either. She was too afraid to let go of the railing but she desperately wanted to. She desperately wanted to beat this fear of heights out of her.

She’d left work and went straight to the coffee shop so two coffees and a cup of sugars and creams sat beside a messenger bag near the door that lead back down to the library.

Her father would kill her. He’d tell her to stay away from the monsters. He’d tell her to get the hell off of that ledge. He’d tell her to dress warmer and sleep better. But he wouldn’t be able to understand that here, at this school, they were all monsters really.

[BCOLOR=#f5f5f5]@ReD[/BCOLOR]

She cast a glance over her shoulder at him and if she hadn't been already anxious from her perch on the edge of the building she would have found that she was suddenly nervous. As it was, her heart was already racing.

"It was a long climb," she responded, emphasis on the word long. She'd crawled up them. The darkness had been oppressive without his hand to guide her up but she'd come early and navigated the dark alone on purpose. She'd wanted to be here before he got here to try to face down her fears - the dark and the heights - and she had managed to drag herself up the stairs, clinging to the rail and breath erratic. She'd even managed to talk herself over the railing, but even knowing the enchantment was in place, she couldn't get herself to let go of the rail. So she'd been standing there for several minutes having a miniature panic attack trying to talk herself off and back on to the roof.

"Come here and help me jump off of this forsaken building," she tried laughing as if the whole thing was silly but her tone was tinged with panic.

Caitlin chuckled nervously. "Well, I hadn't actually been planning on jumping off of this roof with you this time." She tried out a laugh but it fell flat with nerves. "I just don't want to be afraid. So I came up early because sometimes when I do the things I'm afraid to do I'm not so afraid anymore." Her eyes came up to meet his. Like spending time with you. She left it unsaid. She didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"So," she returned her eyes forward, her stomach flip flopped. "I got up here but.... I'm stuck. I can't make myself jump of of a perfectly good building." She watched him come to her side. "I missed you this week," she blurted out. "which is silly because I barely know you and....." Cat took a deep breath and leaned forward out over the emptiness again. "And I can't seem to make myself let go." Whether she was talking about her hands, white knuckled on the rail or him, she left unsaid.

"Come on, I can't blame this one on you. It's my own stupid idea this time." She managed a rye smile.

Lochlann was suddenly surrounding her, invading all of her senses at once, with his legs and arms around on either side of her. For a moment she forgot they were balanced on the edge hanging stories above the ground. Cat’s eyes roamed his shoulders and throat, where her direct line of sight was, and then moved up to his face. She could smell him when she breathed in deep, it was pleasant.

“If I didn’t want to see you again it’s going to be because you’ve done something more tangible then telling me that you’ve got a complicated past because you’re a complicated creature,” she replied confidently. His hands were warm on hers and suddenly she wanted to just crawl back over the railing and hold his hand. Instead, he said let’s go and she peeled her hands away from the railing one at a time, putting the first hand on his side and making a tight fist in his shirt before letting go with the other and doing the same to his other side. She leaned forward into him, closing her eyes tightly and pressing her face into his chest before sending them over the edge.

Her hair whipped around them, her stomach sinking and then rising with the fall. She didn’t squeak or scream or even try to this time. The fall was no less frightening then it had been the first time, but since she knew what to expect this time, and knew the enchantment would capture them, she didn’t cry out.

When their feet were firmly on the ground again, returned magically to the rooftop, Caitlin lifted her head to look at him. Her cheeks were pink from the wind rush, her hair a wild mess pulled from its holder. Her hands were trembling on his sides and she didn’t let go of him because she didn’t really want to yet. She liked the feel of him under her hands, solid and there. “I’m pretty sure plunging off of a building is one of those things I’m never going to get over.” She nodded towards the library door. “I brought coffee,” but she made no indication she was ready to move away yet. She needed to, they had things to discuss, but she liked being right where she was. That was frightening and somehow exciting.

She laughed. "No, I will not be jumping off of any other roof. I shouldn't even be doing it here but it's almost the perfect sort of place to break a fear like that. I just need to work up to doing it without depending on you for help."

She seemed to come to herself then and realized that they were standing there, holding each other, with no excuse to still be doing so. Instead of simply stepping away, Cat released her tightly coiled grip on his shirt and spread her fingers out flat on his sides, eyes on his, before removing her hands and looking away.

Cat chewed her lip before raising one hand and finger combing his hair into less of a mess and turning to walk across the roof to the coffees. Standing with her back to him so he couldn't see her furious blush, she pulled her hair down and finger combed it before yanking it back up into a neat ponytail again. Then she crouched down and removed the lids from the cups.

"How do you like yours?" She dumped three creams into hers and an invisible hand stirred the cream and coffee together, un-shy about her natural born talent. She wasn't ready to talk about the days worth of research, about consequences and rules and lines that couldn't be crossed, or uncrossed, yet and she wondered if they couldn't just avoid the topic all together. Logically she knew they shouldn't. It didn't mean they couldn't.