perfect

[tom=http://i.imgur.com/uOGhQE6.png, #ffd265]This had been a long time coming. And no matter how much he'd prepared, Toby was overwhelmingly jittery. He hadn't started them off with this, but he hoped it wasn't too late, now that everything was catching up with him and sinking in. He'd never felt quite like this about much of anything. It made his hands shake and his heart ache, his knees feeling like they were going to give out from under him. It left him thinking about far too much in the middle of the night, repeating memories obsessively, and when they settled in his chest, they were real.

Felix was real. On his own, Toby wasn't so great with… sorting out emotions, pinning them down, expressing them verbally or in ways others would understand. He couldn't usually be bothered to force anyone to get it. Ever since he was a kid, it'd been one of the most difficult things in the world. He let people make assumptions and called it a day. There wasn't a point in making wasted efforts towards anything else, it only hurt him, and then they'd find out he was sensitive. Disgusting, frankly, and invited the fuckers to take advantage of it.

But standing outside this damn fancy restaurant, reservations made, it'd be hard to deny he'd been prying himself open for Felix and showing him… things that were clumsy, new, but earnest. Painfully earnest. He'd made stupid mistakes and tripped over his feet plenty of times, but got up again, a thickness in his throat and a need for everything to turn out okay. Marrying Felix had been first like a daydream, then like skydiving, a rush of-- realization, of feelings that'd gone unnamed being given names and purpose. How their relationship had evolved was bizarre and surreal, but he'd fought for that. He'd fought for this, at every turn, inching out of his comfort zone and trying, trying to make this person understand. In the process, he'd been causing himself to understand. There were two things he knew, now.

They were together. He hadn't been able to bear anything else. And he'd grown.

Toby took a deep breath, fingers brushing over the little box in his pocket. It was funny that something that small in size could be so fucking expensive, but the thing was, he knew why. He'd spent the money because he was a big dumb lovestruck idiot, and he was pretty sure he'd do anything to see Felix smile-- and not the placeholder, 'I'm talking to filthy normies' smile, one with genuine happiness-- for even half a moment. That would've sounded like some irrational bullshit to him, a year ago. He still thought it was ridiculous.

But he couldn't live without this ridiculous, and by now, had long acknowledged that. So, Toby, waiting in his most flattering suit, light blue and sleek, contacts in his eyes and bags hidden with makeup, hair neat, was about as cleaned up and bright as he should've looked on their wedding day, something he didn't want Felix to miss. He was excited, and nervous, and hopeful that everything would be perfect, and if it wasn't perfect, enough for Felix to know that he'd done his best to get close to that. He texted Felix about meeting him at the classiest place for dinner on the ship, and that yes, he had reservations. The sun was setting soon, leaving the sky stunning, and they were going to be seated out on the deck to best view that and the ocean.

Christ, he was such a pretentious jackass. And it mattered. Because Felix did. What was the moral of the story here? Being a pretentious jackass was fine, as long as you were in love? Apparently.

There were a lot of thoughts, words, feelings, actions, gifts, absurdity, but it all really came down to one thing.

Love.

Pretty simple, Toby told himself, while his cheeks burned and his heart did this thing it liked to do where he could only describe it as screaming.[/tom]

[tom=http://i.imgur.com/uOGhQE6.png, #ffd265]Toby swallowed, trying to ignore it when the heat from his face even went to the tips of his ears, like a fucking pot boiling over. He reminded himself, once more, that Felix was real and present, not a feverish fantasy he'd dreamed up, not an exaggerated version of himself that Toby couldn't touch. First date, it'd been cop and criminal, a tense affair with an undeniable spark. He'd hoped to drag Felix down, get tangled up with him, and his darling detective had both fulfilled expectations and surprised him. When Toby had reached out, ready to love, ready to harm-- he'd found he could only ever want the former.

He'd hurt him anyway, because that was what Toby did. But for once, he contested that, challenged the dynamic and his own obsolete ideas. At almost any crossroads he came across, he spun around and chose the less walked path, he didn't let what a person like him should've done have any effect on the choices he started to make. They weren't supposed to be like this, but by whose rules? When had rules ever held Toby back? He'd thought he'd been at the end of the line, stuck as the same person he'd always been, but that'd been disproved, and after that, anything seemed like fair game to turn upside-down. For the better. For the best.

Toby didn't have a speck of doubt towards this being better, best, meant for them. When he looked at Felix now, the whole world went dark and his wife lit up, like a stage with a spotlight that was only on him. The sari Toby had designed and created himself, painstakingly by hand, made Felix glitter and stand out as star of the show, and it felt right. Toby didn't have a shitty sweater on, and it was about fucking time, wasn't it?

For this occasion, he wanted to truly look like he belonged by Felix's side. Toby could shrug off a lot on a daily basis, but wasn't careless. When he gave him this overdue gift, it couldn't be half-assed. He was whole-assing it. He had to show he wasn't a complete joke, that he could… be ambitious enough to be what Felix deserved, if putting his mind to it. To make his priorities clear.

Toby gently stroked Felix's cheeks, taking in his big smile with his heart doing flips, leaning up to brush his lips over his wife's then steal a kiss. "Hey," he said, voice softer than he could usually manage. "I'm not nearly as stunning as you are right now, but I tried." He took a moment to squish his cheek against Felix's and take out his phone for a picture of the two of them, starting to grin like a dumbass, visible crows feet at the edges of his eyes. He showed Felix, after, and whispered, "We fit, a matching set. See?"

"It's part of the surprise!" Toby told him, once they were seated. He stared at Felix, eyes a bit lidded and hazy. The sunset, vivid hues of gold, purple, and pink made him look like he was part of a painting, a glimpse of beauty you'd usually only admire at an art museum. Toby couldn't say anything, for a moment, words leaving him as something bigger than him demanded to be felt and acknowledged. "You really are beautiful." He held his hand out across the table, offering it to Felix.

"I made the reservations pretty far in advance, so it didn't give me too much trouble. What do you think?" Toby opened his menu and looked it over. When the waiter returned, he ordered a perfectly normal, adult meal, and didn't slouch in his seat. He watched Felix from under his eyelashes. "If you don't like it, we can go somewhere else... but I think you'll like this."[/tom]

[tom=http://i.imgur.com/uOGhQE6.png, #ffd265]Toby squeezed tight once Felix laced their fingers, then laughed, breathless, when his hand was kissed. "And I wanted to make you feel special, alright?" he said, huffing lightly. "Because that's… what you are." Felix's reaction to this was getting to his own composure, but he could do this. Everything was set, and if he couldn't speak once it was time for the main event, his actions would do the talking for him.

With Felix pressed against him, rather than sat across the table, Toby had to use a lot of willpower to stop his hands from shaking, or from acting on any impulses to grab and shove his tongue in Felix's mouth in the fancy restaurant he'd paid good money for. He was of the opinion that since he'd thrown his hard earned cash at them, he should be able to make out with his wife here all he wanted, but their waiter and the other customers would probably make a big whiny fuss about it. So, he contained himself, if begrudgingly.

Toby blushed as his hair was fussed over, puffing out his cheeks. "Hey, careful, it'll return to being a bedhead if you touch too much. M'trying to look respectable for a while before the surprise, then you can do whatever you want to me." He peered at Felix. Even with the teasing tone, what he said was true. Toby's gaze was warm and incredibly fond.

Their food was delicious. Not as satisfying for him as eating meals made by Felix, since Toby wasn't the most recreational eater, mostly consuming whatever junk that gave him a quick burst of energy. But he was hyperaware of the quality now, as it was all for Felix. He had to confirm that everything worked the way he'd planned, near obsessively. He used the utensils like a normal person and ate everything on his plate.

He made some small talk until they were done, but mostly stared at Felix, psyching himself up to go through with the most important part of this dinner. He listened to his wife's breathing and heartbeat while they were close, brushing a hand over Felix's chest, feeling it, intent and quiet.

Once their desert was brought out, Toby couldn't wait any longer, restlessness and emotion making his hands shake, throat dry again. There was the jittery nerves again. Christ, he didn't know why he was being this way, they were already married. It wasn't as though there was something to lose. But, he was… this was… different. It was different.

He clutched the little box in his pocket for a moment. He couldn't ever be fully ready for this, he realized, but he was going to do it anyway. "Could you shut your eyes for me, Felix?" Toby smiled and took one of his wife's hands, holding it reassuringly.

He moved his thumb in gentle circles on Felix's palm. "We've been through a lot," he said, voice lowered and private, "And I took a while to really get it. Us. I know, and I'm sorry. It was something I felt, that I chased, but couldn't put words to yet, and that was hard on you. But now…"

Making sure Felix's eyes remained shut, Toby slipped the box out and opened it, heart beating like a jackhammer. He felt like he was sweating, too. "I can't do it over, and I wouldn't, because it led us to this, but I-- Felix--"

His voice caught in his throat, like he expected. He could barely hold onto the gorgeous blue and gold ring, trembling, and didn't waste any more time. Delicately, reverently, he slid the tiny treasure onto Felix's hand, watching the gems shine, the colors of the sky melting behind them as a beautiful backdrop. Except, Toby could barely register their surroundings anymore. Only Felix. Here and real and his.

"You can open your eyes," he whispered, barely audible.

"I am finally accepting I'm the romantic type." Toby's face was completely red, mouth in a thin line and eyes big. "I fucking am, Felix. We're already married, but I was an idiot. Is it so bad that I don't want to let this pass me by, just because it hadn't hit me yet, before? If I'd understood-- well, you get to witness me understanding, 'cause I do!"

He stood up abruptly from his chair, voice raising and cracking at the edges, "I'm in love with you, Felix! I married you and I'd marry you again! I want to be with you! I think you're perfect, and I can't lose you. I love waking up next to you every day and falling asleep with you every night, and seeing you smile, and I don't think I deserve you but I want to be someone who does. Having you spend your life with me is all I could ask for, and I'm going to be good to you! A husband you could feel proud of marrying. I love you and I want you to stay, and I'll keep telling you that. I'll tell you every day, so you won't be able to forget. We're already married, but that isn't the end, that doesn't mean I'll stop trying to be closer to you and to build you up, because that's--"

Toby sniffled and wiped his eyes. "S'what marriage is. Right?"

Clapping followed from tables around them, and Toby hid his face in his hands, shaking from head to toe.[/tom]

[tom=http://i.imgur.com/uOGhQE6.png, #ffd265]Toby sniffed for a second time, but didn't do a very good job of wiping his eyes. It'd be useless to try for dryness, right then. When Felix was being a crybaby, it was hard for him not to mirror it. That probably meant this was going really well. He peeked through his fingers at his wife, unable to look away even when he was flustered out of his mind. The gentle saltwater air felt too real on his skin, different from the usual, and that spark of connection was intense. He bit down on his lip hard and grinned big, bigger than ever, bright like the sun and stars that he saw in Felix. He hadn't known he could be that person, past in a superficial sense. Hadn't known he could be bright. But to stand next to this person…

He'd do his best. "It's never too much," Toby whispered, "we're married." And, when prompted to, he threw his arms around Felix at once. His grip was tight, not budging, but he didn't think Felix would mind-- he was doing the same thing. He held him quietly and breathed in his scent again, never wanting to forget it. Felix was soft, and warm, and clean. There were no negative emotions towards him. Toby was fully comfortable, aside from the loud, distracting heartbeat.

They stayed like that, holding each other, silently and respectfully for a bit longer. Toby traced patterns on Felix's back and massaged it. He looked at his wife when his teary face was cupped, usual goldfish stare having a lot more dorky, lovestruck puppy thrown in, like putty when exposed to his top soft spot. Felix always got under that prickly, awkward surface and went straight to the sugary sweet, gooey hidden center. Toby swallowed and nodded, bumping his forehead to Felix's in a gesture of intimacy. "Mhm. No more surprises up my sleeve tonight, so I hope that one wasn't too low-key." He offered a slow, amused smile, but clearly wasn't focused on making jokes. His eyes were still on Felix, dilated, endeared and adoring.

They were both pretty tuckered out. And nothing more needed to be said, until morning. They were safe and happy, and there was no hurry, lazy satisfaction and strong emotional sentiments hanging in the air. Toby curled up snug with Felix, as was now his daily routine and joy, and fell asleep with the continually wonderful confidence that his wife would be there when he woke up, and that that was never going to change.[/tom]

[tom=http://i.imgur.com/uOGhQE6.png, #ffd265]Toby was roused by the petting, a terribly light sleeper, but didn't mind. In a groggy state, all it did was give him a fuzzy, affectionate warmth in his chest. He rubbed his face on Felix's without opening his eyes, made a 'mmf' noise, and drifted back to sleep while listening to his voice. Toby heard the words, but felt too flustered to get up just yet, instead distracting himself by dreaming about pleasant sunny days again. Like he always did.

The official rolling out of bed happened about fifteen minutes later. Toby splashed his face with water, breathed carefully, then tugged a t-shirt and cat patterned pajama pants on. He'd been well put together and cool yesterday, and wasn't obligated to repeat that so damn early in the morning. Maybe later, but he wanted to be alone with his wife, unbothered by outside sources and any fussing over little things.

When he went after Felix, he was met with a striking scene, magic in the air leaving goosebumps on his skin. It was hard to imagine interrupting it, so Toby didn't, not at first. He watched, as he was known to do, with a laser focus attention. This image would likely end up in his sketchbook-- or possibly drawn digitally, with the it had vibrancy to capture.

He thought Felix was more a god than any of the other dry fucks who claimed to be holy here. Toby, too human for his own tastes, didn't know exactly what Felix was doing now, but that didn't make it any less fascinating. He decided to finally make his appearance, quietly padding out to his wife's side, eyes flickering to the disk of light before staying round and locked on Felix.

Toby leaned against the railing and rested his chin in a palm. "Hey, sweetheart," he murmured softly, brushing his fingers over Felix's cheek. "You look very pretty, illuminated by the sun like this." He hummed for a moment. "And the sense of your magic is attractive, too, sleeker. I can feel some it it thanks to the exposure I've gotten, which is exciting…" He offered a lazy grin and trailed off, leaning closer, as though he couldn't help himself.

Reaching out, ran his hand down Felix's back, then wrapped his arm around the other's waist. He could be getting in the way of meditation at this point, but Toby had to touch, giggling and giving Felix a squeeze. "So, hey! What're you up to out here? Something interesting, seems like! C'mon, tell me, I'm going to die of curiosity-- and I might accidentally stab myself with the excess of sparkles in my eyes, it's fucking ridiculous." He cuddled his wife, giddy.[/tom]