on a slow boat to china (euna)

@"battleaxeShotgun"
The sun was low and the waves were lazy, slopping instead of crashing against the shoreline. It was a calming evening, with a moderately thin cloud cover, the sun threatening to disappear soon. In the distance one could see islands, and walking along the coast was a man

This man, dressed in a black longcoat, a fedora, black gloves, and generally suspicious attire, kept his head low and hidden as if holding in some deep dark secret. His hands were in the pockets of his coat, and his white hair fell to the sides of his face. With the lighting, he looked strangely eerie, with messy white locks faintly tinged blue by some unknown light.

His head turned up a bit, as if he saw something. He stared for a bit, and in the distance he saw a figure, sitting on its lonesome.

That sight seemed to have triggered something in the man, as he turned and walked away, heading inland. For a minute, he just kept walking, until he was close to the forests borders, then he disappeared into the woods.

Meanwhile, the figure in the distance turned out to be a girl, sitting all alone as though trying to be as far from the world as possible. She sat there, pretty and peaceful as a picture, until the ambient magic in the air began to grew heavier, accompanied by some singing.

"I'd love to get you
On a slow, slow boat to China
All to my-self alone

Get you and keep you
In my arms evermore

Leave all your lovers
Weeping on the shore - so what are you doing here all alone, miss?"

All of a sudden, Teddy was there with a wide grin and his lopsided, standing behind the girl and singing old songs.

@"battleaxeShotgun"

"Whwhwwhwh," Teddy mumbled, right before poking his head through the hat that got tied to his face by the sand bindings. Next came his arms, phasing through the sand, and through his clothes. "I - damn, adaptive clothing is probably a good investment - whoa whoa whoa whoa ho there. Really, lady? It's not polite to tie up someone you just met. I mean, I might be into that, I dunno, but still. Rude."

With both blue bare arms free, Teddy removed the hat halfway stuck in his face. He held it in one hand and tried to bow, but failed on account of the bindings. If he phased through, he would fall over naked with his clothes stuck in the sand, so he dismissed that option.

"Hmm. Hang on, I'm going to do this all speed round style." He cracked his knuckles, and his neck, and then cleared his throat. "Serious answer: Name's Teddy, why I went here, I don't know, I saw you, thought 'why is there a person here alone' and came up, and got all tied up. Sassy answer: mi nombre es de peluche y vine aquí porque quería tener sexo contigo, señora. If you didn't quite catch that, here's a similar thing in a different, more familiar language. Sassy answer version 2: are you an orphanage because I wanna give you kids."

@"battleaxeShotgun"

Having the bindings simply phase through him would have been an easy feat. And therefore, it would have not been amusing. It would also have the side effect of stripping him completely. As good as the oceanside breeze would be on his bare body, he wasn't nearly crass enough to do that in the company of someone else without being told to.

As he was flung into the air, he simply began singing again in a different key.

"Fly me to the moon
Let me plaaammmmph mmphmpmh mph mph mmmph"

His song was cut off by him being sent slamming into the ground. Had he simply let it happen, he would have fallen on his back; had he fought it he would have landed on his feet safe and sound as he'd been through much worse. So naturally he took the stupid option and angled himself to land face-first for maximum impact. Comedic impact, that was - he phased his face through the ground before landing.

For a good ten seconds he stayed there unmoving, with his head literally in the sand, hands splayed and knees on the ground with his back stretched and his bottom out. His legs and arms came closer to his body and he pushed himself back up to a kneeling position.

His accent grew stiff and racist. "I have faired. I bring disgrace and disana to my famiri. I must now absorve myserf of my sin by comitting harakiri." Then he mimed unsheathing a knife from his wasted and slashing his stomach. The act had him fall to the ground on his side, and slowly sink into it.

Then he abruptly clapped his hands twice and stood back up. "Okay, enough of that. To answer your question, miss bondage lady, yes I wanna go. Out."

@"battleaxeShotgun"

"I only wish I was being paid to do this," Teddy muttered, sulking for a brief moment. "Also, thanks a lot for reminding me that I'm not a real boy."

The kick phased through his leg, but his clothes got dragged along with the foot, so now his pants were out of position from the shin down. "There goes my pants. Real nice. Getting them to stay in position's hard work, you know." With dry mock irritation he bent down and began to realign his pants.

Once his pants were positioned properly once more. Now that bondage lady was closer, he put both hands on her shoulder and fixed her with a stern glare. "I don't know where you're from or who you are, but where I'm from, we have two important concepts - one, the concept of jokes, and two, the concept of playing along."

"I'm - well, what else am I supposed to call someone whose first action is to tie me up? It's not like you ever gave me a name even."

@"battleaxeShotgun"

Teddy only laughed at the 'commanding' manner of his company. "Lady, I've been tied up worse by worse people in worse situations. And I'm still here anyway." He sighed, heaved, and shrugged. Escaping would be so trivial and easy, which was exactly why he refused to do so. That, and the issue with the clothes. Then she set a deadline for an explanation, which prompted him to free his arms.

"Hang on. Timer on stack, responding." Teddy dusted his shoulders off vigorously and rummaged in his pockets. Patting down his legs, then his chest, he finally found what he was looking for when a pat against his side felt solid. Grinning smugly, he pulled from the recesses of his coat a phone, rather archaic by modern standards. "You know, this little guy's even older than I am."

For a while he fumbled with its keypad, clacking out a few beeps. Then he brought ot up to her eyes, showing the readied timer. Which wasn't a timer at all, but a paused song. "Okay, this is a song with a lengthy intro that's exactly 30 seconds, give or take half a second. You'll know the intro's done when the drums first kick in. Okay? Okay. Thirty second explanation - go!"

The moment he yelled go to himself, a finger hit play and a soft instrumental of sax and bass began to play behind his words. "I'm Thaddeus Rector, but you can call me Teddy and I'm all blue because I am the side effect of a spell that got botched and ended up making a nemesis of sorts for the other guy who I consider my brother and I'm basically just made of mana and I was just walking by and I saw you by chance and I popped by and that makes twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine aaand -"

A loud cymbal crash and electric guitar kicked in as he snapped his fingers to end his rapid-fire summary. What was earlier a soft and relaxing soundtrack turned to a hard and heavy song, then abruptly cut into silence as he paused it. "You know, there are several things you oughta know - well, you don't need to know 'em but I'm infodumping on you either way."

The friendly, self-assured and almost arrogant smile on Teddy's blue visage disappeared in lieu of a serious stare. "First, I don't know who you are - if I was going to kill you, I'd at least know youre name, address, contact info, favorite food, music, daily routines, ex-chetera. I did learn the art of obsessive stalking from the best, so that would be easy. Two, if I was out to kill you, you'd have been dead exactly two minutes and thirty-three seconds ago at the latest, based on how long ago I saw you and what I have on me right now. You'd have died much earlier than that if I actually prepared and was hired to kill you. Third, I don't lie - that nemesis thing? Yeah, I ended up as the 'evil reflection' of a pretty messed-up dude, so all things considered I'm fairly decent. Sucks to be literally incapable of being sad though."

As the sand was beginning to chafe, Teddy leaned back, partially phasing through and attempting something he had been considering all month. His brow furrowed in focus and he absorbed a portion of the mana holding him back, causing the back portion of the bindings to fall apart and let him leave. He took a step back and smiled again, this time a bit more menacingly.

"Fourth - I don't particularly enjoy being tied up."