Private Finished My Brain's a Mess but My Face Is Calm

Maisie Belle was silent the whole way back to the dorm, her expression grim. During the talk with the teachers, she was calm and composed, giving them all the information they needed in as little words as possible to avoid confusion from convolution. She'd racked her brains ever since she saw the blood spat out of Ash's mouth, looking for signs in her memories that something like this was happening, that he was suffering beneath all the teases and his cool, mischievous exterior. Had she been so self-centered that she hadn't noticed what was going on with him? Maybe all the signs were there, and she just hadn't picked up on them.

At that moment, she was racking her head for some way to help her roommate. How was she supposed to help someone that far gone feel happy again? Someone who couldn't even bring themselves to fight back in the face of adversity? Discrimination and bullying? She couldn't trust her own abilities--she didn't think she'd be able to do it. She felt hopeless already, knowing that he couldn't even talk to her--her, after she'd promised she would be there for him.

Maisie opened the door of their dorm and stepped in, quietly waiting for Ash to follow after before she closed the door again. She didn't know what to say, so for once, she didn't say anything.

Maisie took her sweet time taking off her boots, mostly because she was still distracted with trying to figure out how she could help her roommate. Her expression turned confused however when he mentioned the talk; she hadn't expected him to actually talk to her. She'd been absolutely sure he was just saying that to get her off him--and off him she did get, so hearing it now was strange, considering he'd already gotten what he wanted and owed her absolutely nothing, let alone a talk or even an apology.

"...Why do you apologize so much, Ash? You know you've done nothing that warrants an apology, so I won't accept any of them." She stood up once her boots were off and made her way over to her closet to hang up her coat. "You ain't the one that upset me, I'm the one that upset me. I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do, but I want to help you. I want to, and I'm trying, but I feel like I'm trying to sail a boat on dry land and I ain't been at it more'n a few hours."

Maisie rubbed her face and sat down on her bed. She rubbed her face, her neck, her temples, and then she started combing her fingers through her blonde hair. Her grey eyes settled on the vampire boy. "Go on."

Maisie shut her mouth and listened very patiently, even when he seemed to struggle with his words and getting them out. She knew how difficult this must have been for him, telling her about himself and his past; it almost made her feel envious of herself that she'd been able to talk so casually about her almost-murder. Ash was strong--not just physically strong, she knew. He could be one of the bravest people she knew sometimes, especially when it came to talking about such a past as his.

"You ain't hurting anyone anymore, are you?" she said once he was done. "Yeah, you hurt those people and that weren't very good, but you needed to, right? You aren't hurting anyone now and that's what matters. You changed. The past is the past; you can't change it--no one can--but you can learn from it and make sure it never happens again." Maisie pulled her knees up to her chest and settled her chin on them, gazing over at her roommate as she spoke. Partway through speaking she would unwind her body and stretch out again, finding the curled up position uncomfortable.

"You're a good person right now, Ash. You ain't hurt a darn soul since I met you, from what I know. In fact, you even helped me--you caught me from that dastard tree, and you took care of my cuts and bruises even though I never once asked you to or told you to, and you didn't even do a darn thing when I told you I had infinite blood. There weren't no salivating or grabby hands or attacking me in the middle of the night for a meal--you're completely indifferent. That's self control. That's a change. Why would anyone deserve to be treated the way I saw you were, especially if they're a good person?"

"Humans shouldn't use other humans for food," she corrected. "You ain't a human, but you are a person." Maisie stopped her finger-combing when she could no longer feel any tangles, then did a quick braid and tied it off with a hairband on her wrist. "In this case, it isn't a matter of 'should'. People shouldn't do drugs, people shouldn't have sex with everyone on earth. They don't need to do those things; they want to do those things. You need to feed on people, even though you don't want to. It's different."

When he approached her, she blinked and quirked her brows at him. "I dunno.. I think I'm a little traumatized from earlier," she said with some mirth in her tone. Then, she stood up to get eye level with him--almost eye level with him. "Yeah, sure, go ahead. You can hug me whenever you want; you don't need to ask permission. There's actually only anti-permission here, which is when you hug me and I push you away, going, 'No asshole, I don't want to be hugged.'"

Maisie opened her arms slightly but let Ash initiate the hug this time. "I know you ain't feelin any better; I know I can't fix your whole life in three hours. But I hope I helped even a little. I'm gonna do my best, even if I feel it isn't enough at all."

Maisie accepted this and wound her own arms about him in turn, very gently squeezing and letting out a breath of content relief of some sort. She didn't say anything else in the moment--she'd chattered on far too much yet again. It was supposed to be him talking to her, rather than the other way around, she cursed to herself.

She didn't actually know how she should even treat her roommate after what she'd discovered. Some people didn't like being treated carefully and considered it pity, while treating this like nothing ever happened would give the impression that she didn't care about his problems when really she did, a lot. Really, she was leaning more towards the 'treat Ash very carefully' side, especially since it seemed an awful lot like he was depressed and she sure as heck didn't want him doing something dumb and ending his own life. Maisie just wanted him to be happy again, but she had no idea where to start.

"What is it, Ash?" she murmured, drawing her head back to look at him, though he didn't seem to be letting go of her anytime soon.