mutual suffering

Valentine sighed and deflated a bit. He was all out of the energy required to be angry, so that left him with just tired again. Getting that out of his system was especially leaving him at a loss. All these things he'd never said out loud, hadn't seen the point of saying... everything had always lacked hope, and the people surrounding him made him feel emptier than he already was. And yet.

He leaned into Jack. Still here.

As the older man spoke, Val looked at him. Really looked at him, with the same sharpness and intelligence in his eyes that he usually used to hurt.

"You aren't broken, either," Val told him, softly. He didn't have the privilege of saying he hadn't already thought, or said, awful things. He had. It'd been all too easy to see Jack was at a low point in his life, and to want to further push at it. In reality, though, for Val to even be able to play around with someone? It meant they weren't all gone.

He just didn't always acknowledge himself as not all gone, not broken, so he couldn't do the same with others. He'd always sought out pain, as then he could truly connect with a person for once, along with the ugly pleasure and fascination in it. And mutual suffering was better than everything being painfully dull.

When you don't see that as the only option, though, things change. Jack wasn't broken. He wasn't perfect, either, but there was… a lot here. Val saw all of that. He'd, perhaps stupidly at first, shown Val so much kindness and patience.

Stupid. That was what it was, logically, a stupid, needy, suicidal kind of move, falling in love with Val. Caring for someone who started out treating you like garbage.

Val was endlessly grateful. Even if Jack's motives hadn't been so great, neither had his. And now he was, everything was… better. Oh, god, was it ever better. Jack had been kind, and honest in ways Val wasn't used to. Was he the fool, now, to think of his man as being so very good? He couldn't shake it. Thinking of someone like that, without a bitter edge to it, was new. Everything was.

"Thank you," Val said, quietly. It was a response to the things Jack had said, what had been offered, but... everything else involving him, as well.

Val held onto his beloved tighter. He never wanted to be away from this person, not after what they'd been through. It was too late to go back, and he didn't want to.

Valentine hummed. Being curled up against Jack was starting to seem like a very normal thing, and the idea of not being this way was unpleasant.

Still, though, he was starting to feel hungry enough for it to distract him. Pain gnawing at his stomach. He didn't even remember when he'd last eaten, his head was… fuzzy. Starvation had never been fun to experience, and when he continued trying to recall the specifics on his own nourishment, he had flashes of imagery instead- dark, damp, alone. The underground tunnels were not forgiving, his father had taught him that early, forced him to adapt. Val could navigate them blindfolded now, if necessary.

He thought about Clarence. His twin was weak, in ways that were very different than Val's own weaknesses, which had always been fascinating- and grated on his nerves to no end. At one point, Val had attempted to lock Clarence in, make him adapt. He'd cried and cried, and it didn't take very long for Val to just let the other boy out again. Only an hour or two instead of days. He just wanted someone to understand, but he couldn't make him understand, not then. Not even now. He tried, and then always hesitated.

Val gave a tiny sigh. "I'm not thinking about anything in particular… just that I love you, and that I'm hungry. I don't want to get up, but I need to, I'd like to be able to look at the food you have for myself. Mm."

He blinked slowly, realizing there was a solution to part of this. "Carry me," he instructed. Squinted for a moment. "...please," he then added, in his best 'I'm going out of my way to be polite, appreciate this rare and gracious moment' tone.

Valentine sighed and settled into Jack's arms. This was where he was meant to be. He felt as though the man he was being held by was thinking soft, terrible things about him, and he clung further.

Val looked over the food very critically, outright making a face at some things, rolling his eyes especially at the mass amount of beer. Nothing was particularly appealing, but he didn't feel like pushing the starvation thing, so he might just have to force something down and deal with the consequences.

He raised an eyebrow at the stolen cake mention. Nothing too bizarre when dealing with one of his brother's hellish parties, he was sure. All loud and drama all the time. He'd lured a few people away from them at times, made the distractions useful, but then for the most part it all just gave him too much of a headache.

Val peered at the vaguely familiar looking thing peeking out. He squirmed, moving to snatch the box from Jack. It was his, wasn't it? He'd snubbed them once to send a blunt message, and now he was… well, doing the same by stealing them back again, really. He flushed lightly. "I do want them." You. I want you, and all you offer to me, unconditionally.

Valentine took a deep breath, holding the box closer, clutched to his chest. He nodded firmly at what Jack was saying. "I'll try something else later, but for now, it seems like the only thing appealing enough to stomach. I like chocolate for more reasons than just the taste."

Val held onto Jack's arm and trailed along beside him, cautious, but curious suddenly as well. He'd been spending most of his time so far in his boyfriend's bedroom, and hadn't seen much of the rest of where he lived from day to day.

It was dark again, that was what Val first noticed. Then, of course, he could hardly ignore what looked like bullet holes strewn about. He recalled the same thing in his father's study, and his brother's corpse. He didn't really feel like thinking about that right now, so he wouldn't ask Jack to share his explanation, either. He'd just leave it alone.

Instead, he sat in Jack's lap again and popped a chocolate in his mouth. It had raspberry filling, which he found he quite liked. "Mm. Very nice," he murmured, closing his eyes. "Good choices, thank you." He quieted again, continuing to enjoy his present, feeling peaceful. "…I think I prefer it this way. It's better to eat these with you here."

Another wave of affection crashed into him. This was so odd, he had to blink for a moment at it. Val turned, setting his box down again, thin hands on his lover's face, careful, cherishing. "I love you," he reminded, soft, yet confident. He kissed him with chocolate lingering on his lips.

Valentine made a sound into the kiss, and shifted to straddle Jack, far less chaste than his previous position. His cheeks flushed as he responded with enthusiasm. Christ, he couldn't believe he was doing so much of this while sick, what was wrong with him? This should be gross, and they'd… two times already… He wrapped his arms around Jack's neck, shivering involuntarily thanks to the hands on his skin. Ah, warm, too warm, he'd start burning up at this rate.

Val kissed Jack feverishly before leaning into the attention on his neck, and- it took him a moment to register the words, Jack's voice startling him a bit. He looked at him with round eyes, dazed. "Wh- oh, chocolate, right. Hm…"

Val avoided further eye contact, pressed against Jack and feeling the need to do something, rather than just stop again. They'd already gotten heated a few times, even if managing not to escalate (for some ridiculous reason- did he say something about passing out, earlier? fuck that, if it happened, he didn't care), so Val was frustrated.

They were in the living room. Jack had a roommate, currently nowhere to be found, but presumably making an appearance eventually. This might lead to some kind of protest if Val insisted on being taken right now, immediately- but he needed to just, damn it! This was unfair. Maybe they could compromise?

Val's eyes gleamed, and he wiggled away from Jack, but he didn't go far. He simply settled on the floor, between his boyfriend's legs.

"You can't possibly complain about this," Val said, tone dry, though his voice was thick, expression and body language clearly engaged. "No, allow me to correct myself, you wouldn't dare." He reached to take Jack's hand and settle it in his hair. He licked his lips, trying not to squirm over his own arousal and what he wanted to do.

He got closer and tugged at Jack's pants, then lightly taking and breathing warm air on him, kissing once before nuzzling. "Just a little is fine, isn't it?" Val purred, more luring than demanding now, usual manipulative charm turned up all the way. He couldn't bring himself to feel bad. He licked at Jack, teasing, deliberate.