Private Finished Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found

Boop

Little Bo Peep
Nov 30, 2016
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"But I didn't die on the battlefield - I died in the water and came back fallen." He closed his eyes, and when he spoke again his voice was low and hollow. As if quoting someone he said, "I'm no longer an angel and not part of the fight, a pitiful ghost with no cure." Increasingly uncomfortable with Wynnestri's hand on his shoulder, Ishvi punctuated his statement by going intangible and taking a few steps away.

"I couldn't, even if I somehow found another outpost. I can't go back to the pointless fight. And that was the only thing I was.. accepted for. But punishment... I don't expect it here. Not even for falling, which was my fault. The battle - no one knew they had a way to make it permanent. And maybe, maybe it was just a regretful mistake I wasn't there. But falling..." Ishvi sighed, keeping his eyes closed. "... It's a lot like drowning. Except it's never an accident. I wasn't strong enough. I - and I won't be punished. No one even seems to understand that a fallen angel is that falling is - it should never happen. I was falling and I didn't stop myself. I was alive and falling but there was still - I could've done - something. And then I-I tried. I couldn't even die right. And it's the good ones that are dead. "

Ishvi's eyes opened at that, but he turned away. This was a mistake. "I shouldn't have disturbed you."
 

ArcanaFate

aRCANE lORE mASTER
Ranger
May 19, 2018
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Wynne frowned.

What was he supposed to say, exactly? Ishvi seemed to carry all of this weight on his shoulders and refused to give himself any leeway. It was... unfair to the fallen angel but Wynne wasn't sure of how to convey that. But being told that he shouldn't have been disturbed? That was something the godling was less enthused about.

"Ishvi, no. You definitely should have disturbed me. Or to someone. Self-isolation while you're clearly in pain is the worst kind of feeling and no one, no matter what kind of person they are or think they are, should suffer through it." Wynne moved in front of the angel, standing so he couldn't easily leave. "You didn't deserve to die and you still don't. I'm always available if you need to talk, Ishvi. Don't ever think that I don't want to help or that you don't deserve it. You're important and you have something to live for. You may not see it now, but you'll come out of this and you'll see the good in the world and the good in yourself."
 

Boop

Little Bo Peep
Nov 30, 2016
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Ishvi shook his head. Perhaps he was being stubborn, but this conversation was only reminding him that the island wasn't his home. "No. You are not my god. You, you can't tell me what he wants me to do. All I know is I've fallen, I did something wrong. And home is lost, less than a handful of survivors, and we are all here fallen."

He'd returned to tangibility when he'd escaped Wynnestri's hand on his shoulder, but even if he hadn't, Ishvi wouldn't have walked through the demigod. So he just stood and stared for a moment, wings fluttering his only movement. He muttered, "The other angel understood." Before turning to look at the sky.

"Sunrise soon." His tone stayed flat, though he'd cut it closer than he'd intended and wasn't actually sure he'd be able to make it back to the dorms without getting burnt. "What kind of angel can't handle the sunlight?Why do people - why do you care? This island- it's all mercy and no justice."
 

ArcanaFate

aRCANE lORE mASTER
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May 19, 2018
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Wynnestri remained stoic as the fallen angel prepared his wings, unsure of how to respond. Ishvi was hurting, hurting more than Wynne could arguably help with. It'd take time, but it'd take acceptance on the angel's part before he could ever begin to heal from whatever scars lingered. With a small sigh, he took a seat on the marble flooring and looked up at the fleeing figure before him.

"You are correct that I am not your god. Nor can I speak his words. But, as a god and as a regular person, I can see that you are hurting. It is plain to see that you are haunted by your past but you cling onto it so desperately as a definition of who you are. Ishvi the fallen, Ishvi the coward, Ishvi the guilty. But... is that all you want to be?"

He takes a few breaths, crossing his arms over his chest. "This island is a haven for many, Ishvi. People who needed to escape their fates and become something more. Demons, monsters, angels, gods... humans and creatures of all sorts. I can imagine that many here hold pain in their hearts much like you do. If we punished everyone who came here when at their low, it would solve nothing. It's easy to blame, to belittle and punish others for transgressions. But to extend a hand out, offering support and love without expecting anything in return?"

He smiles, albeit a faint one. "It is true strength. And I would rather build someone up then tear someone down. So, I imagine you wish to head home. But know that my shrine is open to you always and I will be glad to help you if you so desire it."
 

Boop

Little Bo Peep
Nov 30, 2016
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"It doesn't matter what I want! My family raised me. They gave me a chance to be better than I am. I thought they'd lied when I found out they'd said I'd fallen just because I left. But it was just - a prediction. I failed my home. I keep failing. And now it's like existing is a betrayal to their memory. No, I don't want to be fallen, but I am. Denying it would be a lie."

Ishvi shook his head. "It sounds nicer, to build people up. I think I never heard of merciful angels until I came here. We - they were all warriors. I shouldn't... I don't know."

He stayed staring at the sky for a moment longer, then sighed. "It's not home. I want to... No, I should head back. Burning in the sun won't solve anything. I - I did not mean to waste your time." Not waiting for a reply this time, Ishvi flew off. If he did get a little singed before getting back, maybe the pain would help him shift out of this form.
 
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