Let it go

She had gotten him to the hospital alright and it was a good thing she did. It had to be one hell of a ricochet shot, but from who? Maybe it was from one of the thugs that she took down in the alley. Maybe it was from the men on the balcony, maybe it was—

It could have happened at anytime and the both of them just were not aware of it. As usual, everything happened so fast and she didn’t have the time nor patience to sit and sort everything out. She made sure they weren’t followed and if they were, she was going to give them props before getting lit up with holes. She was completely defenseless and for once she didn’t give a damn. He was so heavy and limp…He had even fallen unconscious during the manic drive to the hospital with her screaming at him to stay awake. Not even a threat of physical harm could keep him up and that was terrible.

By the time she had finally gotten help at the front doors, he was practically hanging off her shoulder.

And the worst part of it all was that she had to bolt out of the hospital. Knowing cases that involved gunshots, she would be no doubt questioned by the police and as much as it pained to just leave him, she did. Lenn had no choice but to come back later when things simmered down. Hopefully there were no witnesses. Everything was out of her reach. She had no control over anything and she nearly had a breakdown when she locked herself into her emergency storage unit just to change out of his clothes. Don’t cry. It’s no big deal. He’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. That’s what she kept telling herself at least. For now, she needed to keep her composure—especially in front of the people that were obviously going to be in the way of her seeing him.

Those people kept turning her away for a while since he was in critical condition. In fact the doctors didn’t want to guarantee her or anyone anything so she waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

She spent most of her time loitering around the cafeteria despite not being hungry and stayed in the far corner of the area, not feeling really social at the moment. She kept her shades on, pulled her coat close and did nothing but glare angrily at the tree just outside of the building as if it did all the wrong in the world; as if the tree were the cause of all this. Obviously it wasn’t at fault; she was. If she hadn’t been sick and stupid, they would have been laughing (or fighting) it off at his place or elsewhere—No. If she hadn’t met him In the first place, he wouldn’t be dying on some stupid operating table because he was kind-hearted enough to take care of her. She wished the flu was still raging because maybe then she wouldn’t be thinking so much. If he died…

She wouldn’t know what to do. God, if yer out there, give me a break…

The suspense on the first day was unreal. The wait was long and agonizing and for once, she didn't want to wait. She wanted to know right now if he was gonna make it or not. Bring it on. Oy'm ready for this. No, she really wasn't. She bit her lip and tensed whenever a doctor seemed to come her way. She had no choice but to leave him overnight, but when she returned in the afternoon after the trip to the storage unit, they told her he still was in intensive care and his fate still uncertain.

It was finally into the evening when she was finally able to see him and...She was nervous. What was she going to walk into? They said he was going to take some time to recover and she was more than welcome to finally see him. Some hospital staff wondered why she was so familiar, but she kept to herself, not wanting to draw anymore attention than she did last night. All she wanted to see was him open his eyes, even if she was afraid of that as well.

the moment she walked into the room, she felt a twinge of relief. There he was asleep in his bed. If it weren't for the bandages, anyone would have easily mistaken him for taking a load off. He looked so...peaceful. She smiled just a little and came to his bedside, looming over him. As much as she wanted to pluck him out of bed and kiss him to death (hah), she didn't want to bother him from his rest. Rest was essential and she knew it'd take longer for him to recover than it would her. The wound upon her face had vanished already as if it were never there in the first place.

Now she played the waiting game. She never moved from her seat beside him. There was no need to eat or drink...Not right now anyway she didn't want to despite her still being sick. She sniffled and curled up in the large chair, watching over him for as long as she needed to.

Even when visiting hours were coming to a close, she still refused to leave him. Tch, where would she go even if she wanted to leave? Nowhere, that's what. Right now she felt like she belonged at his side, remaining there for the second day and right into the third morning. The only reason why she woke up was the soreness generated from sleeping the way she did in the chair and looked over. He...Still didn't wake up. Well...He would soon even if the doctors weren't sure when. She got up and went to the personal bathroom to wash her face.

That night...It was so clear in her mind; almost as clear as the things that were done to her that made her what she was today. How was he even going to react to her being there? He even muttered her name in his sleep...Just what was he thinking about anyway?

Then she went for a walk to stretch her legs. The past few nights made her restless and her body stiff from the uncomfortable chair. A cup of joe was definitely in order...and some more thinking.

....

A petite nurse came to Jacob's call. She came in with a clipboard and greeted him with a smile. "Good morning, Mr. Cunningham! It's good to see you awake. Did you need anything?" she asked and came to his bedside. The first thing she began to check were his wounds.

The little nurse paused and hummed in thought. “Weeell…I wish I could tell you, but the young girl ran off before we could even ask her anything! Poor thing must be shy, sorry. If she hadn’t found you in time, Mr. Cunnigham…” she trailed off and peeked under the bandages. Hm! He could afford to wear them a little longer. “I must say, you’re a very lucky man,” then she did her usual routine; checking his blood pressure, fixing his sheets, so on and so forth. She was quite the chatterbox and the check-up was finished before she knew it! Oh, how time flew when she was busy! She informed him that breakfast was coming in ten minutes and she would come at around ten to change his bandages and drips. Then around twelve was lunch time and they were going to observe him for another day or two before he was to be released; just in case considering he flat lined for about a good thirty seconds. No, she didn’t mention that part, but he probably was aware of it anyway. Not wanting to bother Mr. Cunningham anymore, she said her goodbyes and went her merry way to check on other students.

……

Running right now would have made a lot of sense. She could say her goodbyes right now and leave before he got up. Yeah, she could do that. Then he’d hate her for leaving so suddenly after putting him through all that crap and almost getting him killed. Then he’d forget all about her and move on with his life. He could do so much better…

She placed her hands upon her head and squeezed in an attempt to push down the migraine that assaulted her for the past half hour. She tried this every ten minutes, but it did little to lessen the pain. It didn’t help that the lights were so bright and the cafeteria was all about hustle and bustle this morning. It was some sort of really awesome dish that people liked on this particular day…Or something like that. She didn’t know nor care. The headache was putting her in a much fouler mood than before. It was funny though. People seemed to be really sensitive towards that kind of tension and avoided her like the plague. Good. She finished off her coffee and decided to get a little more rest in that stupid chair. It was better than being around all these people anyway…

She ended up bumping into the small nurse that left Jacob’s room. According to the nurse, Jacob was awake and for some reason, she stopped just before the door. He was awake?..When? She cursed at herself for not being there when he woke up. Well, so much for leaving discreetly. Fuck me…Who am I kidding?... For once she didn’t want to run. She wouldn’t mind disappearing from the world, but she didn’t want to disappear from his life. Heh, and here she was, preparing a I need to leave you here speech while he was sleeping.

No. No, she wasn’t going to leave. Fuck that.

She took a deep breath, straightened her coat, fixed her hair, and walked into the room with purpose, her lavender eyes immediately focused upon him. O-Oh her eyes began to sting… ”Mornin’ sunshoine…Glad to see you awake,” she said with a hint of a smile. Did her voice crack a little? Did her tone waver? She hoped not, but the sight of Jacob was getting…blurry and she swallowed a lump in her throat. Lenn stood in the doorway like an idiot, not knowing whether to run up and kiss him or run the hell away from the room. And no, she wasn’t going to cry. She hadn’t since they met yet and she wasn’t going to. Nope. Nooo. No.

So if there were any lingering thoughts about running away, they were all thrown out of the window. Completely. She lost whatever resolve she had left and she came to his bedside, easing down with a...shaky smile. She was obviously trying to hold her composure and so far, she thought she did well. Well oy'm glad you woke up anyways. Then he said something strange--almost stupid even if it had come out of someone else's mouth; he was worried about her. The smile faded just a bit. What...What DO you say to that to someone that was practically gunned down just because you existed?

"...W..Worried? Why would you be worried about me?" Her chest felt tight. "Oy--Oy' don' even deserve the worry! Look at you, Jacob! Yer all plugged up because of me! Because..." her cheeks were getting red, but she wasn't aware. It was just a burning sensation from the anger she harbored all day. It was amazing how one little statement could make her blow up; Her of all people. "Because you were with me! I--I didn't want you hurt!" Boy, it was getting hot! The room swam just a bit and she held a hand to her forehead in a poor attempt to compose herself. Then her hand drifted down to her eyes. "Oy'm sorreh, Jacob...You were almost killed because of me..." all of that pent up emotion began to seep through the cracks of the very wall she built up over time. While she was happy that he was alive, just seeing him in those bandages and weak...

And now she felt her face getting wet. Stupid hand won't even stop the tears!

It wasn't fair.

Then again maybe she didn't deserve a normal life. People like her never threw down their guns for a chance at a normal life and now she knew why. Maybe Jacob finally understood why too. Maybe he was going to just cut his ties with her. Why would anyone wanna stay?

Now it felt warmer...Oh, he was holding her. she wiped her eyes almost defiantly. Hitmen don't cry. No...No she was crying. Finally Jacob got to see her cry...Even if that wasn't a good thing. There really wasn't anything positive to say abotu the whole situation. Both of them knew this was because of her. She was careful of his wounds while he held her and wiped at her eyes. "Oy' love you too, Jacob...But...If you want to cut ties with me, oy' understand," She really did even though she knew it was going to hurt if he agreed, but what more could be done? He got a taste of her 'ordinary' life--what it was before he came along. For her, it was a normal thing until now.