I've Been Torn

"He doesn't sound like he's worth your disappointment," Allen told her. "So why even bother? If something isn't worth it, then you should just say goodbye to it."

Enelya turned her head, avoiding showing Allen her sadness. It wasn’t that easy. She… She loved him. And he… was supposed to have loved her too. Even though they never said it, it was completely under spoken. It was in the way they looked at each other, the way they laughed with each other… Something Enelya was afraid to let herself come close to again… only to be taken away. It was so easily taken away… “I loved him. You can let people you love get away with a lot of things...” She whispered. I still do, she thought.

No matter how hurt she was, she still loved him. He had been her only human friend for a long time… And then their friendship slowly progressed into an unspoken love.

She then let go of the Kotah topic, and started on her history... a long, and scattered one at that. She took a deep breath, and braced herself. She had told Kotah her history, and he disappeared. She wondered what would happen if she told Allen. Would he promise to always be her friend, and find his mid millennium crisis kick in and go off to some foreign land to relieve himself?

She looked over to Allen. “My past comes to me in dreams. Scattered, jig-sawed pieces I am slowly piecing together. Unfortunately they are more like nightmares than dreams.” Enelya’s voice was quiet, and distant, and she looked into the rising sun as she spoke.

“As you’ve figured out, and been told, I’m an experiment… Though I don’t know what my real purpose in life is. I don’t know why I was created… Probably to gain power. Scientists are really good at that… Envying power, and what they can’t have.” Enelya grimaced, and bit her lip a little.

Enelya thought for a moment, trying to mentally piece the story the best way she could to help Allen understand. She herself had trouble understanding. “Somehow… I escaped, I was freed through the plants… I don’t know exactly how it happened… But I eventually ended up in this village. They were nice for a while…The Village Healer raised me… She taught me all the names, and uses of all the plants, and all the purposes of the animals. She even helped me discover my power, and helped me control it. And even taught me the trade of medicines, and poisons... Though I tend to use my knowledge of poisons as a way to detect them, rather than use them.” She bit her lips again, keeping herself from crying. The village healer was the closest thing Enelya had to mother… and she was killed.

“The Botinates, I think is what they are called, came looking for me, and burned down the village. The screams…” Enelya stopped, choking on the words and the pain she felt for her friends in the village. “I only remember flashes of red and yellow, and screams. Then finally winding up in a tree. Ever since then it’s been on and off attacks. Usually the plants will spot them before I can, and they will warn me.”

It was true; her distraction of Allen probably kept her from listening to the tree’s cries… But she thought maybe that’s what the ocean had in mind. Something to bring the two closer together. What was the sneaky ocean planning for her? She’d have to ask a fish the next time she saw one. She’d never tell Allen he was a distraction, or the ocean had some scheme to have fate bring them together for… What?
She hated only knowing half of the story.

“I only have blank spots and holes from there. I don’t know how I ended up at the Academy, or how long I’ve been pursued, or even why they want me so badly.” She bit her lip hard this time, making it bleed. She sighed, and rocked lightly in the hammock.

"But you need to realize when enough is enough, Enelya."

Enelya looked over at Allen with hurt in her eyes, and had wondered the same question, while gazing up at the stars alone many nights before. When was it okay to say that it was enough? What if he was lost, or confused, or needed help? What if he needed her, and she just couldn’t find him? These were the questions that kept banging inside of her head like a metal wrecking ball. She was unsure if she should voice these cries or not with Allen… he’d just probably tell her she was a baby and suck it up.

“How can you tell? What if… he shows up at my doorstep ten years later wondering why I wasn’t faithful?” Enelya covered her face; clearly, this had really upset her. She was torn in two about what to do. “Is ten years too long, and if it isn’t, should I just watch my life go by as I wait for him?” She looked over at Allen, and tried a smile, but was deemed unsuccessful. “I’m sorry… I just… Trust people.” She whispered. She let out a disappointed laugh, and shook her head lightly.

"Well, if it helps any, I don't know my purpose either,"

But he was human. He was a product of love, between two people. Enelya was an object mixed together, and allowed to grow in a laboratory. “Yes, but humans are created through the love of each other.” Enelya got up out of her hammock, and walked a few feet, looking out into the morning. “I’m something that had a purpose of creation. There was a reason why I stand here today. If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

Enelya turned around, and looked at Allen. “Do you understand? There’s something I’m supposed to do. That’s why they want me so badly. I just wish I knew what it was!” Her frustration surface for only a moment, as she threw her hands up in the air. She hated her pathetic memory; her pathetic existence. She closed her eyes, and sat on the ground, running her hands through the grass. “I can feel something at the back of my head… A task I’m supposed to fulfill… But I can’t touch it. The grass tells me I’m here to put goodness onto the Earth… The trees tell me it’s to help lost souls. But I’m not some self-righteous saint. I’m just…an experiment.” She breathed. "I might as well be a robot!"

Enelya was on the verge on a mental breakdown. Nothing was making sense. As she talked about Kotah, her past, and her present, it was just not making any sense at all. There were so many questions buzzing around in her head like gnats that stung at her sanity.

Allen started to go into what he would do when he found them. Asking them why, and the likes. She didn’t really care. She just wanted a complete history, and a complete memory. She wanted her life to make sense. She almost… Wanted to be real. Not an experiment. Not an artificial life that was created in a test tube. Enelya sighed, and sat in the grass, tickling her ankles. “Why am I here…?” She whispered to herself.

Allen was right. Enelya knew it deep down in her heart. She knew everything he said to be true deep inside of her heart… Though she ignored it. Doubt filled her. She didn’t want to believe he wasn’t coming back. She needed to let her memories… And allow herself to make new ones.

“He'll die eventually if he is. So what's the point, anyway?”

Enelya snorted, just because someone was mortal, didn’t mean they weren’t worth her time. Or her love…

“Is that what you want? A life filled with missed chances to make it better, to make it more full?”

Enelya smirked with a melancholy flair. What kind of chances did she have? “Hmm, well, this Plant Lady isn’t sure of what chances she has… But we’ll see I suppose.” Not many people were too fond of being around an experiment. She had few friends around the Academy.

His eyes softened somewhat. "There's a difference between trusting, and being taken advantage of," Allen informed her.

Enelya admired his softened eyes as he looked down at her. She bit her lip, and looked at the grass, ashamed. She had a problem realizing that line. It wasn’t a nice thing to do at all.

Why would someone want to take advantage of her though? What would they gain? A broken heart? That was nothing to be proud of, was it? She looked up at Allen with her same, ever trusting eyes. “Honestly Allen, will you ever take advantage of me?” Granted, she probably wouldn’t know when he was or wasn’t. But it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

"Perhaps they just want to keep you away from the world...?"

It seemed to Enelya that they were trying to hard for something like that. Or… Maybe since she had gone wrong, with whatever they were testing, they didn’t want an embarrassment like her running around. Great. Now, not only was she an experiment, but an experiment gone wrong; one that needed to be contained. “Like I’m a lost piece of junk who ran away from home. Great…” She sighed, and kicked a rock pathetically, only for it to flop over once. She sighed, and fell to her back on the grass.

She wanted revenge; she wanted freedom from the Botinates. “As much as I would like to join you in your quest for avenging me. I don’t think I can even hurt a rock.” She smacked her face in frustration. “Stupid rock…” she mumbled.

Enelya listened to Allen’s aged wisdom, and sat back up. She smirked, and nodded. He was right. It was her choice. Not only were she an ‘experiment gone wrong,’ but she was an ‘experiment with free will.’ She threw her arms around Allen, and hugged him. She squeezed him tight, and rested her head on his chest… For that was only as far as she could reach.

She thought about his words, and pondered their significance in her swinging mood. She took a deep breath, and sighed. “You know for a Tin Man, you sure do know how to make an Insane Plant Lady feel better.”

"What's the point of beating yourself up over something you don't know? You'll find out what your purpose is one of these days. There's no point in crying over something you have no clue about."

Enelya let go of Allen, and shrugged. “I’m afraid there are a lot of things to me that have no point.”

After listening to everything Allen had said, she knew that getting to know him was no bad thing at all; that there was good from finding his heart again.

Enelya stood up, and brushed herself off. She was tired of all this complaining and whining. It was not her place to sit there and wallow in misery. It wasn’t fair to Allen. She looked at him with an embarrassed smile, and shook her head. “Okay, I’m done.” She stuffed her problems back up mentally and put them back inside of her where they couldn’t be reached. “I’m done with this negative non sense.”

Just as Enelya stood, a gray wolf emerged from the shadows of the forest. Enelya’s eyebrows furrowed, and she tilted her head. The wolves never came out of the forest unless something awful had happened. She looked over to Allen to make sure he understood that this wolf wasn’t going to hurt them.

Enelya approached it slowly, bent, and twisted her wrist out for the wolf to smell her hand. He did so, and sat, facing her. Enelya too, sat on the grass and listened to what the wolf was about to tell her.

“Enelya, the forest speaks of your kind heart, and your willingness to help us animals. I am Adonis, the Alpha Male of my pack. One of our pups… Seems to have gotten himself trapped in a human device. We thought that if anyone could help us, you could Enelya. Please, will you help?”

Enelya smiled and stroked the top of the wolf’s head for reassurance. The words that came out of her mouth next were not human, but in the wolf tongue.

“Of course I will help you Adonis. I just hope that your young one isn’t too badly hurt. I can heal him too if you need it.”

The wolf barked, and leaped into a running position, waiting for Enelya to join him. Enelya got up, and looked to Allen. Her words returning to English, “one of their pups is in danger, I need to help him. Are you coming?” Urgency was in Adonis’ eyes, and he barked again as he was forced to wait on the humans.

Enelya nodded, welcoming Allen to come along. She looked towards the wolf, and he took off running. Enelya grinned, and ran after him as well. “Better keep up!” She yelled back.

Running through the forest was one of her favorite past times. Sticks and leaves cackled under her feet, and she wondered how far away the pup really was, and how trapped it was. She hated human hunters; they didn’t play fair at all. Adonis looked back and growled at the man following them.

“It’s okay Adonis, he’s my friend. He’ll help too.”

Adonis rolled his eyes, and continued running.He let out a howl to let his pack know he was coming... And with help. Enelya looked back at Allen to make sure he was all right and shrugged at Adonis’ mistrusting. After about twenty minutes of running, they came to a small cave where the rest of the wolf pack remained. Enelya squatted, and offered her hand to them, and they all took their own turns sniffing.

She looked back at Allen, and nudged him to do the same. If you didn’t give the wolves your scent, well, they took that as that you have something to hide. Enelya just hoped he didn’t have some bad history with wolves. They weren’t the kind of animal to forgive and forget unfortunately.

A female wolf, no doubt Adonis’ partner, bit the side of Enelya’s dress, and led her over to a cracked tree. There, she found a bear trap, it’s maw enclosed around the young pup’s leg. Enelya gasped, and her hands flew to her mouth. It broke her heart to see something like that happen to a poor pup. “Oh dear…” She breathed. Enelya stroked the female’s head, and asked her to leave while she helped the poor thing. The female growled, but Enelya insisted that it would be too painful for the she-wolf to watch.

The wolf obliged, and Enelya turned to Allen. She kneeled next to the pup, and tried a smile. “You’re going to be okay, sweetie.” Enelya looked at the trap, careful to not hurt the thing as she moved it, trying to figure out how to open it. The poor pup was mangled, and dry blood was caked around its leg. Every once in awhile it would whine, and each time he did that, Enelya became more determined.

She got up, and sighed. “I don’t know how to open it Allen. Do you?” She looked over at the pup, and shrugged. “If anything we can yank it apart together. Sound like a plan?” Enelya looked back over to the anxiously waiting wolf pack, and she gave them a reassuring look, and another to the miserable wolf-pup.