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Claire

Spicy Bean Water
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Nov 10, 2013
3,735
Canada
Pronouns
She, Her, Hers
Kiyana sighed finally, tilting her head down, after trying to figure out what words to say. "I guess, I must have hurt her. I wanted to spend my life with her, but I chose this over her, and I bet that really hurt her." She paused. "And it's not like I'm even keeping in touch with her that much. I mean with college and classes and all that stuff." She looked up more at Jacob. "I mean what now? Will I ever see her again, or will it even matter? What if she has someone else? What if we both move on but I never find anyone here?" She laughed a but and fully lifted her head. "It's stupid, there are so many variables." Shaking her head a bit, she sighed softly and closed her mouth to think. "I'm sorry it's just, I don't wan to end up with no one. And I know I'm still only twenty one, but I don't even know if I'll go back to the real world. This place seems right for me." Laughing a bit again, she continues. "Even though I've made zero friends."
 

Critical

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Jan 30, 2014
1,326
"Hey now. Don't say that. I consider you a friend."

Jacob reached over and put a hand on her shoulder while giving her a warm smile. It always broke his heart to hear a student say that they had no friends, or that they felt so alone. No one should have to feel so isolated, ever.

"And don't think that things are simply over between you and her. Your lives might have gone in different directions, but that doesn't mean you can't rekindle something you once had. You'll never know until you try."

He too sighed and leaned back, looking up into the tree.

"There was a period after my ex-wife and I split up that I thought I would never find someone else to be with. It was not like she was my first relationship either. I've had girlfriends and break up before her, but when we split... I felt like that was the end of ever being close to someone.

I thought I was too old to start dating again and moving here to start teaching really put a damper on any efforts I might have had.

But then... I started trying again. Sometimes it didn't work out--like REALLY not work out--but I also met a fair share of people I could call friends, even if I couldn't be super close them. Then Lenn just... dropped into my life."


He chuckled at the memory of their first meeting.

"I was just trying to be friendly and make some small talk. One thing lead to another, and now she's moving in with me.

So I guess my advice from that story is that you just need to put yourself out there. Just a little. And with a girl as pretty as you, who knows. Maybe your old friend will find that spark again, or you'll get a deluge of possible beaus."
 

Claire

Spicy Bean Water
Inactive
Nov 10, 2013
3,735
Canada
Pronouns
She, Her, Hers
Kiyana lightly smiled as Jacob put his hand on her shoulder. At least she had a friend now. Even though their first encounter was less then amusing all the way through. As he babbled on about his past, she smiled brighter as each word passed her. It wasn't her to be a sit in the mud. When he came to his final line, she really did just feel like hugging him.

He had really turned her mood from bad to better than before. "Thank you for saying that Jacob." She laughed happily at him. "Even though we really don't know each other all that well, I hope in the future we could change that, as you give some great advice."She stopped there though, as she didn't want to sound desperate to hangout with someone.

"It does make sense though, that I shouldn't give up." She nodded and flopped on her back with her legs in front of her. She sighed and looked at the sky for a second before quickly re-positioning herself in front of him. "You know, she's truly lucky to have you. I'd say that any girl here would be dying to be with you if they just gave you a chance." Tilting her head to the left a bit, she continued.

"You can;t always judge people by first encounters, am I right?"
 

Critical

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Jan 30, 2014
1,326
The moment Jacob saw that little smile etch across Kiyana's face, he knew he had done some good in the world that day. She had taken his word regarding his friendship. It was the kind of reaction that Jacob lived for as a teacher, and the feeling he got from it made up for any amount of annoying students and paper work. He wanted to follow up by saying that she could come to him for anything, or if she needed someone to talk to. But the brighter her smile became, the more he knew that she already knew that.

"I'd love to get to know you better too. And you know where to find me around here."

Giving up was an all-too-frequent occurrence with some students, Jacob found. Not in the sense that they give up on life and consider... Well, there have been a few rare instances, but Jacob jumps on that immediately. But more in the sense that kids give up on love, relationships, schoolwork, agency in their future, and the like. To so many young people, it feels like the entire world is working against them.

Now if Jacob could help them not give up, one by one and bit by bit, his purpose as a teacher will be fulfilled. His true purpose, that is, beyond simply educating and mentoring.

"Heh... Yeah~"

He blushed slightly at the memory of how he acted back at the bar, and at Kiyana's assertion about other girls. If only she knew how many of his students had very obvious crushes on him as the "hot teacher". Now some of them were trying even harder after seeing Lenn around, to results that ranged from embarrassing to scandalous.

"Um, so... Sorry for actin' like such a fool back then. I don't handle my alcohol well and I tend to get ever-so-slightly flirty. It wasn't my best moment."
 

Claire

Spicy Bean Water
Inactive
Nov 10, 2013
3,735
Canada
Pronouns
She, Her, Hers
Kiyana nodded and smiled lightly again. "Hey, it's okay. I'm just not used to, well anyone being so..." She was trying to find the right word. "Flamboyant." She giggled and nodded to herself. "I probably would have acted similar if I could have. I've actually never gotten drunk." She shrugged. "It's not like I ever had a reason to." She shrugged again. "But boy did some of my old classmates. It's like they didn't even care anymore, about anything..." Shaking her head, she stopped. "Sorry." Kiyana paused. "But I forgive you, everyone has good and bad days, and I guess I met you on a really bad one."
 

Critical

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Jan 30, 2014
1,326
Flamboyant. Jacob would have used a stronger word like annoying or touchy feely to describe his inebriated self. But if Kiyana simply wanted to think of him as jovial, if unrestrained, then she was more than welcome to feel that way. He too had to laugh a little at her word choice. Already he was feeling he was getting to know Kiyana better than if he had spent several nights getting tipsy with her.

He felt a little sorry for her though, hearing that she had never actually gotten a good buzz. Now Jacob was by no means a drinker, even of the casual variety. He was sparing with how much he drank and when. But even he knew it was okay to get a little buzzed every now and then. It could be fun with friends, assuming no one went too far. It sounded like that was exactly the case with Kiyana's former friends though.

"If I remember correctly, it wasn't a bad day at all for me back then... I think I was just having a few drinks to commemorate finally having fully settled into Manta Carlos, and possibly having found a girlfriend. Not Lenn, another woman."

His clarification came out of his mouth before he realized what it sounded like, and he kind of wished he could have taken it back.

"Um, I was pretty flirty back then too. You probably saw some of that in the bar. I didn't know anyone on the island that well, and I guess I was tryin' my luck at wooing ladies. Too much."
 

Claire

Spicy Bean Water
Inactive
Nov 10, 2013
3,735
Canada
Pronouns
She, Her, Hers
Kiyana tilted her head to the side a bit. "Oh?" She questioned what he said as well as herself. "Well I mean, most guys that I've met, think that it is essential to be on someone at all times. Meaning flirting, or hanging around someone, or the literal word." She sighed. "I get it yeah, no one wants to be alone, and I have had those days. But to me-" She paused picking her words right. "it doesn't mean that you have to go out there and make stupid mistakes just so that you have someone to wake up with that morning." Kiyana rolled her shoulders. "For me, I'm really lonely right now, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to go get super drunk and just ask whoever to be in a relationship with me. Those types of things end badly."
 

Critical

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Jan 30, 2014
1,326
Everything Kiyana said was a tiny pin prick to Jacob. Nothing that really hurt or made him bleed, however it was enough to make him flinch and wish she had not done it. She may not have been referring specifically to Jacob, or just referring to his drunk self, but she was still accidentally getting to the heart of some of Jacob's past problems.

His eyes lowered from her's, feeling slightly ashamed of himself. Or at least his old self.

"Well, Kiyana, I can definitely say that you have better judgement that I did when I was your age. Or even the me of now, on occasion."

Jacob thought back to his wild young man days. The days where he had a different "girlfriend" every week, and was well-versed in the art of sneaking into and out of a girl's bedroom window. The days where he had literally been chased out of said bedrooms at gun point, and the days where his father, then and now, was utterly baffled that he had not knocked up any girls. It was nostalgic, but also cringe-worthy.

"If you were off-put by my clingy drunk self, you would have been appalled at eighteen-year-old-me. I would've... geez... I would've been all over you, with or without a drink."

He blushed as he thought about what his past self would have done in that situation.

"And I would've used that stupid life philosphy I had back then to justify it. I was just trying to make you feel loved Or It pains me to see any woman feel lonely, in this world."

Jacob wanted to punch himself.
 

Claire

Spicy Bean Water
Inactive
Nov 10, 2013
3,735
Canada
Pronouns
She, Her, Hers
"Don't worry okay? It wasn't a good day for either of us, but now we can get over that right? Just one, mistake? I forgive you though, I mean, even if you would have done more, I wouldn't have let you. I don't wan to buy into love or lust or anything just for it to mean nothing in the end." She smiled at Jacob. "I know that you had a troubled past, and, really, don't we all?"

Kiyana didn't who what to say. Her head started to think of things, and then she started to go crazy in her mind. "It's fucking stupid that everyone thinks that everyone else in their lives are only meant to be their for what that person wants. Everyone in the entire world is just like us, with problems and bad memories and regrets. Everyone is just so full of shit, that they don't realize that everyone has the same problem as them."

After that, she was silent, and she hung her head down, and didn't even feel like saying or doing anything. After a long pause, she sighed. "Everyone wants to be loved, for people to care about them, but what I just realized is that we all have it." Kiyana lifted her head.

"We don't really need anyone else in our lives, hell, we don't deserve anyone else, until we realize who to love the most." She smiled.

"If you don't love yourself, then all of the love you are giving others, is kind of fake. You are trying to get it from someone else but in reality, you just want to take that love and use it to try to fix you."

Kiyana laughed quietly. "Now I'm just not making any sense."
 

Critical

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Inactive
Jan 30, 2014
1,326
Jacob had no idea that recounting his past wild child, playboy life would trigger such an outburst from Kiyana. Her tirade immediately pulled him out of his funk regarding his past self, to be replaced with shock. He assumed that talking about how pseudo-philosophical his young self would be offensive to anyone who could think about it for a second, but he had no idea a sensitive nerve would be plucked so hard. It was amazing almost, and he contributed to the awkward silence that followed.

Then Kiyana he was more familiar with came back, calmer and more thoughtful than angry.

"No. You make perfect sense."

He reached out to place his hand on her's. Not in the flirty way he would have normally. But in the reassuring, "I understand where you're coming from" way.

"What you're talking about is self-respect, and I wish you coulda told young me that. Instead of filling the whole in my heart with conquests, maybe I would've been doing something constructive.

But YOU know that now. Now you need to act on it. Have some confidence in yourself before looking for someone else. That other person will benefit from it too."[
 
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