Goodnight, Manta Carlos

It did, in a way, resemble their first real date. Their ridiculous date where they played at interrogating and poking each other, Felix ended up kicked out thanks nearly shanking a waiter, and ate french fries together. They'd ended up breathless and desperate for each other like this, and barely able to stand parting to drive and sit restlessly beside each other in the car. Except, before it'd been their first time to look forward to, and now, it was marriage. Only a few months difference, it hadn't even been a year, but the encounters shared between them were far too world shaking to ignore-- this one no different. Despite the intense change in scale, the two car rides felt very similar, all the anticipation, nerves, and adoration the same as ever. Toby hadn't expected a happily ever after, but he'd loved this person from the beginning.

He'd never squeezed someone's hand this tight. He watched their city go by through the car windows and, just like Felix, didn't say a single word. Not tired, but thinking quietly on heavy sentiments. Felix's name and I love you repeated over and over.

Toby went into the City Hall proud to be seen with his tiny family, and did the work to prepare for the ties to be official, not a single complaint over exasperating paperwork. The wait, however, made him jittery. He fidgeted like crazy, tapping his fingers, his foot, messing with his sleeves. Tracing light, elaborate patterns on Felix's palm. He told Felix, in quiet tones, about the process of making his gift, all that carefully spun silk and embroidery. While they may have both been tear covered and ridiculous, Toby didn't feel any shame or lack of right to be there.

Felix slipped away to change, and heat burned on Toby's face, his heart violently jumping in his throat. To see one of his best works on the model it'd been made for was an exhilarating concept. That was the greatest respect you could give to the art, fulfilling its purpose, letting it live the high life. He was giddy. Felix would bring out the beauty in the sari, and it would just perfectly frame his. Toby could already barely breathe, and the anticipation for seeing this still made him hold his breath.

Toby cried into his arm while Felix was gone. He barely even understood why, quietly rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve and even hiccuping a little, strangers in front of and behind him. He brushed his fingers against his own palm, missing Felix's, feeling like he was trying and failing to swallow down his own heartbeat. It drowned out all the other noise. "I love you," he said in a small, vulnerable voice, far too quiet for anyone else to hear.

The line shrunk, and at last, they were called for. Toby looked around for Felix, almost worried, then barely had time to process it when his fiance popped back up and swept him into the room before he could blink. He risked a glance at Felix, and it was like looking at the sun and stars, only he could reach out and touch them. Looking at him made Toby feel like a huge, stupid idiot, too flustered to think or form sentences, and endlessly excited.

Lovesick at this age, huh? Toby ducked his head, bit down on his lip, and smiled. He looked back up at Felix lovingly, and didn't turn away, holding on to him so hard that he worried it might hurt. He didn't exactly zone out, either, aware of every second ticking by, holding his breath again, throat squeezing and air lacking. Even with that, it was surreal, like he was about to step into a different universe-- and never go back. He hadn't known there'd still been room left for surprises in his life.

He fought back his tears. They'd always been on this path, hadn't they? The rough patches, circumstances that couldn't be controlled, the status differences, it'd ended up being meaningless next to this, they didn't seem to be able to go against it. He'd thought… he'd thought he was going to lose Felix in a matter of time, after repeated scary conversations they'd had, the anxiousness for it shaking him to his core. But the heartbreak wasn't anywhere to be found. It wasn't here.

Toby sniffled and nodded firmly after Felix did, trembling at the words spoken. "I-I do," he said in return, voice cracking, expression very serious. He sobbed and kissed his husband until his knees shook. His breath was knocked out of him when Felix jumped in his arms, barely managing to stand by himself, but he held and squeezed him anyway, face red. He breathed out, he thinks, though it was hard to tell, with everything. He breathed.

He was quiet. Because, at his most natural, that's what Toby was like. A respectful silence, to let it sink in, to not interrupt the moment. He pinned it down in the front of his mind and as the main focus, cheeks painted a pretty pink, slowly blinking to make himself register physically existing. His fingers dug into Felix's back as they held each other, arms completely wrapped around him, bodies fully pressed together and unyielding. I love you, Felix told him, and clearly really meant in the fullest of ways. Toby's hiccups returned as he wept and sniveled on Felix and, once more, praised magical cleaning products. He buried and rubbed his face on Felix's chest. "I looove youuuu," he whimpered, tone close to helpless sounding.

Toby bawled for a bit before managing to get it at all together, and then, he was back to his slightly pouty (over the surface of being shyly overemotional), tightly holding on to Felix, quiet demeanor. He looked at Felix, beautiful beautiful Felix, visibly awestruck. His smile was wobbly. "We should get pictures, right? We should get pictures. I'll ask someone. I can't even hold my phone straight right now."

They found some people nice enough to do that for them, and posed together, both red faced and watery eyed and insanely dorky (but Toby especially, in his shitty sweater, next to the spectacularly dressed up Felix), and happy. So, so happy, above all. He thanked the photo takers profusely and threw himself at Felix again once he had his phone back, unsure how to let go, but supposing he didn't have to. They'd just gotten married.

"Let's go home now. Please. Let's go home," Toby told him. "I want you home. Forever. With me." He led them out of City Hall, down the steps clumsily, bubbly and exhausted. This was different than his usual trainwrecks, but he'd take it. He felt like he was going to scream. When they reached the car again, Toby pressed his face to his hands and softly screamed into them, eyes wide. He scrubbed his face and drove. Back to Felix's apartment, which was too cold without them. It was Christmas. It needed to be full again, a little Christmas miracle.

Toby was a real sucker for some of his silly, mushy American values, though he'd never admit it. He turned the heater on when they got in and fed Mittens. He stood in front of Felix in the hall and flushed, near frozen aside from the shaking. He latched on to his arm and pulled him to the bedroom-- theirs? Was everything shared, now? — gently pulling off his clothes as they went. When inside and stripped down to his own underwear, Toby helped Felix take off the sari and dress, touching softly, softly. He stood on his toes to kiss him. "Husband," Toby whispered. "Husband, husband." He cupped Felix's face, running his fingers along it.

He wordlessly backed up to the bed and clung to Felix, flopping back on it with him, the both of them bared, open. No walls. No walls. Toby cried softly and repeated that he loved Felix, over, and over, and over, and over. It wasn't going to stop, now. Never, never. They weren't going to leave each other.

And everything really was going to be okay. It really, really was. Him, Felix, the two of them together! The oddness of that, happening to people like them, made him smile. It was going to be just fine.

Maybe it was time for him to start smiling a whole lot more.

(He didn't mind that at all.)