Goodnight, Manta Carlos

Toby was very excited. It was Christmas Eve, and he'd finished his work just in time, cut off the world and buried himself in it to do so. He circled the mannequin in his workshop, nervous perfectionist energy in him burning away, making sure all the final touches were nothing less than ideal. His own worst critic, he still bit at his lip and felt there was always more to do, but it'd really been long enough already. He wanted to check in on Felix, who'd been pretty down lately, present him with this in the hope it'd cheer him up. He thought, maybe, if he poured his heart into something without pause, it'd be seen and recognized properly. This was a physical embodiment of that.

He started wrapping it up in pretty wrapping paper, and placing it in a cute gift bag, grinning to himself. When he was done, he dressed himself up in a stupid Christmas sweater, and started to call Felix while he put on his shoes. It took a moment for it to try and connect, then show that the number was deactivated. Toby stared at the screen for a moment, processing, little things clicking into place. He went on to Facebook, then all the other social media websites he'd been away from that night, finding predictable results each time.

He clutched the gift bag to his chest and left his apartment and store as quickly as he could manage, putting on his other shoe in the car. He stopped at Felix's apartment first. All the furniture still there, but very devoid of his partner's presence-- or, for that matter, Mittens' presence. Toby made a face and stopped at his second destination after checking flight information. He still had time here, so adoption center it was. He picked the cat up and gave him a new bow in exchange for tolerating the car, apologizing for it, but hey, he couldn't leave his baby there with all the normie pets.

Toby didn't realize he was trembling a little until he was at the airport, buying one of the last tickets available for the flight he guessed Felix was taking. He wasn't going to use it himself, past a way to get in here, but having it in his hands made him realize this was probably real, and there wasn't an inch of him that was prepared for the situation. He felt small and uncertain of his control in the world, about to go try and convince his love to stay, and maybe never see him again if that ended in failure. He avoided making eye contact with the woman selling tickets, cheeks red with a rare embarrassment, heart sunken into a pit of his stomach with dread. He moved away from her, further into the airport, rubbing the edges of his eyes dry, and walked faster again after going through the security nonsense.

He wasn't going to let Felix do this without giving him a goodbye, one more kiss, for him to at least fucking look at the gift that'd been months worth of labor. Toby broke into a run after that thought, holding the bag ever closer, squeezing it tight like it was something, someone else. When he reached the edge of the departure lounge, he was panting, and hunched over a bit to catch his breath, tears stinging at his eyes again. His vision was blurring a bit from that, faces melting together.

He stood up straight, cupping his hands at his mouth, and called out a, "FELIX! Felix Verma!" All he hoped was that airport security wouldn't get pissy with him before he could talk to Felix. He held the gift bag up, gesturing wildly at it, sniffling.

Toby gasped when a head popped up at his call, recognizing Felix even through the haze. He nearly tripped over himself to get closer, stumbling, shoes clicking on the airport floor before it turned into a carpet, into the sea of waiting seats. "Felix?" he repeated in a tiny voice, no longer loud, concerned instead of desperately searching, eyes round.

He stared like that for a moment before sinking down to his knees in front of Felix. "Why wouldn't I be here?" Toby said again, voice even lower. Despite drawing attention before, this was a private scene now. "With our ties, how I feel about you, and you having given me the clues to always know exactly how to find you?" His eyes lidded a bit. "You know, if you didn't want me to do that, if I wasn't meant to, surely I wouldn't have all the tools for making it this easy."

Felix looked awful. He couldn't possibly be comfortable with what he was forcing himself towards, no matter what he might claim, how he distanced and pushed. Toby sucked in a breath, wiped his own tears, and stood his ground. "I know. You don't have to say anything. We don't have to talk at all. But I want to see you open this, okay? That's my condition. I want you to have my Christmas gift. I've been working on it for months now--" he grit his teeth, blushing, "and fuck you, that's not going to waste."

He shoved the bag on Felix. "Open it," Toby pressed. "Right here and now. Not taking no for an answer. I won't go away otherwise, either. I have a ticket. I could go on the plane and keep bothering you there, too, see where you go. So, open the damn gift." He smiled and pointed at his sweater. "Merry fuckin' Christmas."

Toby swallowed thickly, heartbeat pounding in his ears, face flushed. He loved this self-absorbed idiot, even if the idiot in question didn't realize how loved he was. And if he was equally stupid for that, so be it, this wasn't a feeling that could be ripped out of his chest, no matter how much it might ache. Truth was, they were both at fault here, for pushing or submitting to each other, letting it go this far. It wasn't only Toby's fault, even though he'd been the one to start it. It wasn't only Felix's fault, even though he'd been the one to be weak to it. They shared responsibility in everything. Being head over heels was both a choice and an inevitable.

So when Toby murmured an 'I promise', quietly agreeing to Felix's request of leaving him alone, he was utterly insincere. He'd never lied so shamelessly in his life, and he was fully aware of it. Besides, even if Felix actually didn't want to see him (Toby doubted it), that'd never scared him off before. He was a stalker, for fuck's sake. Repulsion is a sign you're doing it right. He shrugged off the sharp tone with a twitchy, weird little smile.

He held his breath while Felix opened it, waiting for a reaction, trying not to second guess his own work. Shut the fuck up, perfectionism. Months, leading up to this. There were goosebumps on his skin. The nervousness and excitement he felt back in his workshop returned to him now. He almost didn't want to watch, just in case, but he couldn't look away, either. He had his eyes locked on to Felix, barely blinking, brain very sure that if he lowered his guard for even a second, this person would disappear, and he didn't want that to ever happen.

And as Felix sobbed on it, all Toby could think was, thank god for modern magical cleaning products. And that made him realize that instinctively, he expected Felix to come home with him. Home? Where was home? Manta Carlos? They were still in Manta Carlos. Felix's apartment, he guessed. Or the car, where Mittens was, where they could be a family. Home wasn't a place, it was people, right? He didn't want one of his favorite people to leave, for home to permanently become less than what it'd been.

After that initial line of thought, Toby giggled, then outright laughed, and cried a bit more with him. Happy tears, over seeing Felix get this emotional at the gift. Toby's gross, rotten heart on a golden, sparkling, starry platter. He fidgeted, kneading his fingers in his sweater, wanting badly to reach out and touch. There was so little distance between them, now, and it made his skin buzz.

It was true that Felix was crying, and that distressed Toby, but a part of him also reveled in it. The honesty. He couldn't stand seeing Felix empty and detached, it didn't feel right for someone so colorful. Felix felt like a living painting, a poetic sacrifice that shouldn't have been that at all, art in motion that was cut off due to its beauty. Those sentiments were his overwhelming romantic feelings speaking. Toby also knew Felix was just a person. A person who'd been through a lot of trauma, and who'd started off fucked up even before that, who cared about doing the right thing, and who was sometimes capable of being very cruel. A person who was as much a big nerd as he was a highly educated detective. You know. People shit. Toby was the same, as much as he loathed to admit it.

Monstrous humans, or so they were called, by others and themselves. Who knew how much fact it held or not. Humans and monsters, who gives a fuck, anyway? It wasn't relevant, in this situation, between the two of them alone. Toby stood up and sat down next to Felix, scooting close, and held his hand. Tight, squeezing, and warm. "We're both responsible for falling in love this much," he said, soft. "And I think it's too late to forget. I love you. It won't go away, I'll never return to how I used to be, whether you get on that plane or not." Toby glanced blearily at the departure times on the monitor.

He looked back to Felix and ran his hand gently over the fabric, the designs on it, a wistful gleam in his eye. "I'd have worked more, but this was my deadline, especially with how you were acting recently. Thought it might help, that I'd get to see your face light up again, feel my own dumb heart do flips over it. I've wanted to design you clothes for a long time now, maybe since I first met you. You have so much character, not only would the outfit bring that out in you, you'd bring out the quality and strongest potential in the outfit. It's rare, that you find a model that special. But how do you begin to create something to match someone like that? I'm still not convinced I succeeded, but I did my best, because the project felt like it was calling to me-- I couldn't turn away from it. I wanted… to show you, what you are, for me. What I see, when I look at you. My art is the best way I have to do that, since I'm lacking in so many other places. Nothing's muddled anymore, with this."

Toby took Felix's hand, pressing it to his chest, extremely serious despite the ridiculous Christmas sweater. Letting him hear the racing heartbeat there. Then, he moved their hands back to the sari, the vivid gold and blue, the starry patterns, all handmade, no expense spared. When compared to his other creations, it was one of the best of his lifetime, a real example of his skills and passions when put to the test. This wasn't a simple piece of fashion, it was part of a legacy, emotions made touchable and visible. "This is you, Felix. Do you understand? It's you."

Toby remained as sniffly as Felix. They were definitely making a scene again, but it was okay. Toby was used to making scenes, and very closed off from the rest of the world right then. He absorbed the harsh words quietly. It was nothing he hadn't heard before, but he cringed a little anyway. He hated this. His brain was all broken, and as much as he wanted Felix to feel good and special, he couldn't control the way his thought processes worked, or the disgusting things he sought out. He was trying, so, so hard, despite that.

He flushed, feeling a bit like throwing up, and frowned deeply as Felix took his hands again, making his numb body feel from the tightness. He wanted to give him a reason to stay, he wanted to-- Toby's eyebrows raised, heart skipping a beat, as that question was asked once more. He ached just as much, if not more, over it. Confusion was painted on his face as Felix continued. "No conditions?" he murmured. The blond teared up, nose stuffy. "You don't have to promise so much, I-- no conditions?" he repeated, taking Felix's face and tilting it towards him, turning further red. He gulped down some air, trying to breathe. "We could… live together, if you wanted to. Come home to each other every night and see each other off in the mornings, or sometimes drive to the station together. I'd let you touch all my stupid stuff, sit with me when I'm in my workshop. It'd be different. More. Maybe get more cats, you like them, right? Spend a lot of holidays together. Like this one." He stroked Felix's tear-stained cheeks. "It's Christmas, Felix. U-um. There's a certain furry face waiting for you in the car, no way was I gonna let our baby get adopted by some asshole kids, right? I'm sure he'd want you, us, to--"

Toby's face scrunched up, and he threw both of his arms around Felix, as tight as his hands were being held before, nose buried in the crook of his neck. "Yes," he said, voice hoarse. "Let's do it. I don't want to lose you. Ever! Marry me, Felix!" He pulled back, the same color as a tomato. Then, he grabbed and pulled Felix to his feet with him. "City hall. Right now. Let's go! Go go go!" He bounced up and down, practically vibrating, eyes big saucers, like a cat himself. He was trying to tug Felix away, back into the airport. The plane was boarding now.

Toby swallowed, and leaned in slowly, clearly wanting to kiss Felix, but giving him the option to reciprocate or reject that. He pressed their foreheads together, tips of their toes touching, as intimate as can be. "Let's get married and go home, Felix. Come on. I love you." He rubbed their noses. "I love you," he whispered.