First Session: Fatima

Fatima was somewhere between a little nervous and absolutely terrified at seeing this therapist. It was something completely out of her comfort zone. She was Famine! Famine didn't have human feelings! That wasn't exactly true, though, obviously. Fatima did have a lot of emotion, but it was usually supressed by her hunger, if not deliberately buried. She would never even have done this usually, even though the school had kind of been badgering her to talk to someone since her parents had been killed, at least that's what it had felt like to the young horseman.

The New Year's party though had really shaken the girl up. Emotions had surfaced without even a distant hunger to dull them. And she had had to sleep, which Fatima counted as probably among the worst things that had ever happened to her, and that was saying a lot. The sleeping itself had been bad enough, the young horseman had never been shut off like that before. The closest she could compare it to was the rare occasions she had switched to her other form and had been suppressed by hunger, but that still wasn't really the same thing. The nightmare things, though, those had made it even worse.

Being on the island, even for such a short time, had shown her that the things the cult had done to her were not just things that happened in any family. And also that she did not need to make excuses for those things by saying that her family was just training her powers. But even with learning that in a more intellectual matter, Fatima didn't really believe that she was of more worth as a person than a toy yet.

Staring at the door to this Valli's office, Fatima almost just ran away, but she never was one to back down from a challenge. So she knocked and entered, hesitantly taking a chair and examining the room and the therapist, trying to get a grasp on her surroundings. She had brought a lollipop for comfort, but she didn't open it just yet, just fiddling with it in her hands. She did not want to be the one who spoke first.

"Yes... actually is it okay if you just call me Fatima? I just don't know if I want to be associated with my last name at the moment." That was a sort of recent thing. She wouldn't be offended if the therapist needed to be professional, after all, it was still her legal last name, and probably not an uncommon one or at least not one that stood out in particular. Besides unless he was one of those guys who just periodically sprinkled his conversation with the names of the people he was directly talking to, it probably wouldn't even come up. She just wasn't sure for herself whether she wanted to bear a name that reminded her that the cult had been her family or if she wanted to completely distance herself from her past.

She looked closer at Valli, slightly worried, when he said he seemed more appealing. But her frown quickly disappeared as the girl realised it was more of a comfortable thing and not - something else. She just nodded, and quietly added, "My aura doesn't make me seem more appealing, it just kinda affects what's already there. Thank you for eating by the way." She was a little shy and not really sure what to say to an adult who wasn't flirting with her. Him being a therapist, her therapist, made that even worse.

Fatima tilted her head a little when he asked if she had questions, trying to think of something that didn't sound completely inane. It was true that she had never done this before. But she also didn't have a lot of exposure to wrong ideas about it. She assumed it was mostly talking. "umm.. Is it okay if I eat a lollipop?" That was not actually what she had intended to say, it was just the first thing that came to mind. Not for the first time, Fatima cursed her lack of filter for making her sound like a ditz. At least it hadn't been a terrible question, just probably a tiny bit silly. The young horseman scrambled around for a more serious question, "How does this therapy thing work. I mean I've heard it's talking about stuff. But like do you just ask me lots of questions or something? I - I don't really know what to start with... or where to start..." She trailed off at the end. Uncomfortably aware that the talking was going to involve human feelings. Why couldn't she just suppress them and move on with her life?

Fatima mostly listened quietly after this trying to process all the information. She was glad she didn't have to call this guy by his last name because that was a mouthful! And she was relieved that he only thought she was asking about the lollipop as a snack when it was more stress relief. Although she guessed he wouldn't be a very good therapist if he didn't realise that the people that saw him were probably at least a little stressed.

She wasn't sure where she fell on his therapy scale. As far as the young horseman was concerned her feelings were her problem, but she was pretty sure no one agreed with that. And also that a therapist would not be okay with her just ignoring them. Besides she was happy... mostly... while she was happy as long as she was distracted by food and sex. Which admittedly probably wasn't healthy, but with her being who she was, was somewhat necessary. Maybe there were ways of being healthy about it... This was all so confusing to Fatima. She felt like she was overthinking things. Maybe she should just talk about her family and leave the now part out. Or.. She really didn't know how she was supposed to start.

Fatima found herself wanting Valli to ask more questions if only to reassure herself that this wasn't just a big mistake. But she wasn't sure if she should speak up or if he'd just do that anyways. It was probably better to just go through with this and let actually talking answer her questions. And if all this started being too much, well surely he wouldn't force her to say stuff?

Maybe the best way to start was just saying what she thought about his therapy explanation. "I don't know which of those I am... I mean I don't know if I have a problem or am just being unhealthy..." She was at a loss for words. This stuff was hard!

"How am I feeling today? umm.." Fatima wasn't sure why that question had caught her off guard, it seemed so simple on the surface. But the girl wasn't really one to think about her feelings enough to be able to actually say them. She knew the physical stuff, hungry or excited or craving. Those she could deal with, usuually by mostly satisfying them, but even if she didn't they were familiar. Other than that... Well she did get bored a lot, when she wasn't feeling those things. Mostly the emotions she felt were quick and situation-based, and therefore really hard to deal with.

She guessed right now she was nervous. Did Valli really want her to say that though? Of course she'd be anxious about her first time at therapy, it seemed a little too obvious to say. But, having no other ideas, it was the most appropriate answer to his question.

"umm I'm kinda scared er nervous, just about being here. I've never thought about doing something like this. Erm... the school thought I should deal with my parent's death, but I kinda mostly have..." She hadn't really, but that wasn't exactly what had decided her on coming here, and she was mostly brushing off those emotions anyways. "I'm not exactly sure of the point in talking about feelings when I can just ignore them or um... worry about - eating until they go away. But people tell me that's a bad idea. But when I'm really hungry or whatever I don't really feel anything else..."

The comment about ignoring a broken arm almost made Fatima laugh out loud in spite of her nervousness. One good thing about regenerating was that those things did go away on their own. She thought she could probably see what Valli was trying to say, though, even if it was something completely out of her realm of experience. Actually no she couldn't because feelings weren't physical - how was healing them different from ignoring them? But at least her curiosity was helping her not feel quite so scared.

"Umm.. I don't understand - your analogy didn't - I mean I grow back limbs so I don't really have any experience with things not healing properly... But I mean that's physical stuff anyways. Like feelings - how can that not be healed correctly? And ... won't they just go away if you ignore them?"

She could understand the unstable foundations, though. She felt like she didn't even have a foundation to begin with. All her purpose had just been ripped away and she had pretty much no idea who she was anymore. It seemed better to just go with her instincts because satisfying her cravings was one thing that was familiar and didn't seem like the wrong thing to do. But she really didn't think this emotional stuff had much to do with building a foundation, did it? She was fine with her powers anyways. It might be nice to be able to calm herself down in a crowd, but the sensing part didn't bother her much when she was alone or with only a couple people who weren't hungry. She was pretty sure she didn't want any of her powers stronger!

"I think... I don't have a base really. And I'm not sure what emotions have to do with that. I - uh - I'm pretty fine with my powers. They're annoying sometimes, like with lots of people or hungry people or... some of the other people.." Fatima blushed a little at that statement. The lust aspect of her powers was definitely more fun than annoying, but she was not here to discuss her sex life with her therapist! "I definitely don't want to make them stronger though! That'd be horrible for everyone!"