First Session: Fatima

Romi · Jun 18, 2017

She was distressed by the suggestion, and Valli felt a twinge of guilt. He didn't see much of an alternative, truly. She was like a young child who had experienced a scary nightmare, and who was then afraid of going to asleep. She had no experience with it, and it was all collapsing together in one great big mess.

"Nightmares can be terrifying. For those on the island, it's not strange to be haunted by a specific nightmare that visits you every week or every month, but generally nightmares do not happen every night. They happen infrequently. Most dreams are benign or even happy dreams, but it's common that people wake up not even remembering the dreams they've just had."

It felt a bit silly to be explaining dreams the way one would to a child, but she truly had no experience with them, and it was probably handy to start from the beginning.

"The idea of dreams must seem like a terrifying one - of being out of control. But dreams don't always need to be directionless. Someone focused on sleep might be able to help you take control of your dreams, allowing you to direct things to better paths so that they're less distressing."

@Boop

Boop · Jun 22, 2017

Comparing Fatima to a child wasn't far off base. People often overestimated her age because of her extracurricular activities, but she was still only 16. She wasn't even legally an adult yet, and it showed. Add to that her general emotional stuntedness and she could veer quite far in the other direction as well.

Reacting so strongly to a nightmare was probably irrational, but everything had hit the poor girl at once. The bad dreams had kind of been the tip of the iceberg for her, even sleeping itself was a bit shocking for someone who had never done it. And it had come during the high stress of losing all her powers too. It didn't help that they hadn't been some mystical horrors, but very real things that had happened to her.

But she was listening. She still wasn't sure she could bring herself to go through something like that. She didn't think she trusted anyone enough. But he didn't seem scared about it. She nodded quietly. "Do ... you have dreams?" The girl asked tentatively. He must've to know so much about them, but she kind of wanted the reassurance of hearing it. So it wasn't just some vague - some people have them kind of thing. "They're not always memories? ... I don't think I have a lot of good ones. Or those ones aren't as sticky."

Romi · Jul 5, 2017

It was, being entirely realistic, a silly question. But Valli had heard much stranger questions, so he had no trouble keeping a straight face as he nodded.

"Yes. All humans--or at least all that we know of--have dreams. Sometimes you remember them, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes they're normal enough... a few weeks ago I had a very confusing dream where I kept trying to make toast, but there was no bread, so I went to the store, but they were out of bread... and so on, and so forth. Dreams often don't make sense. Often they're just silly, although they can be confusing or even distressing at the time. I was horrified by the fact that there wasn't any bread in my dream, but when I woke up I realized it was silly."

Valli paused for a moment, his usual smile gone for a moment.

"And yes, sometimes there are bad dreams, memories or otherwise."

@Boop

Boop · Jul 16, 2017

Valli telling her about his silly bread dream actually did comfort Fatima a little. She didn't quite giggle, but she did give Valli a small, quick smile. She didn't think she'd be able to have anything so pleasant if she did find some way to sleep, though. She couldn't imagine anything other than her memories and any of those that were memorable were definitely not pleasant.

The girl wasn't really sure she wanted to risk sleeping. Even if she could control the memories while she was dreaming - it wouldn't change what had happened to her. And she didn't want to remember. She just had to - bury her past so she could get on with her life. Find out who she was like he had originally suggested. She was a little panicked now.

"I - I. Bad dreams are - I remember things. I don't want to remember things! I can't fix it. I was doing fine... sorta. I wouldn't have needed to come here if I could just forget. I didn't even know my family wasn't normal before I came here! I like the freedom here but I... I miss them. Remembering makes me want to go back, but a lot of things hurt. I'm just - really confused. There's no way to rest without sleeping?"

Romi · Jul 24, 2017

Valli's face fell, distressed by the sudden change. She seemed relaxed by his story of the dream, but... well, it didn't last. She seemed to go right back to panicking and horrified almost immediately.

Valli was starting to worry she wasn't going to be able to function.

"It's alright, you know," Valli said. "To miss them, even if you feel they weren't good for you, or if you feel that it wasnt' for the best. It's okay--and normal--to miss periods of your life which by all regards should be considered awful. People often miss abusive spouses, because the mind smoothes over our memories of the bad things that happen, even if they seem terrible at the time, and leave the good things intact. People remember happy celebrations with people they hate. It's the nature of the mind, and they were your parents. It's alright to miss them."

@Boop

Boop · Aug 15, 2017

If she had been human and gone through half the things she had or reacted the way she did, she'd have been much worse off, and most likely in the hospital. As it was, her powers were a bit of an aid in that she could do dangerous things without it physically harming her or just bury inconvenient emotions in a way that was impossible for a human. This was still a terribly unhealthy way to cope, but it worked enough that she could live her life.

It was the freedom that was getting to her. She had been raised as a toy and a weapon, and now she was neither. She'd never even considered herself human, and now people were bringing deeply held beliefs into question. She hadn't slept in 16 years - it was too new a concept. Home still felt safe and familiar. Nothing here really did. Her childhood hadn't felt bad when she lived it, it was only in comparison that it hurt.

"B-but I don't really think they were bad for me. They raised me and they took care of me. And when they hurt me, they weren't being mean or anything, they were just training my powers. And they did stuff with me that I do now anyway. I mean the only thing that's different here is I get to choose more. And they were family - they had a right to me. I don't hate them at all. I miss them. I wish they hadn't sent me here so soon. Maybe I could've stopped them from being killed."

Romi · Sep 17, 2017

Sometimes it hurt having to say the things he had to. Often people came in believing strongly in their loved ones and family, and it was up to Valli to draw the line in the sand, to clearly say that no, it's wrong. People only had their own experiences to judge what was 'normal', and having to explain that being beaten or screamed at by your parents wasn't normal or healthy was never enjoyable.

"Parents don't have a right to their children," Valli said, his voice quiet but firm. "A parent can choose to have a child, but a child cannot choose to be born. Sometimes people believe that they owe their parents for raising them, but it isn't true - a parent is responsible for the child, but the child has no responsibility to the parent. That goes for you as well, just the same as it goes for anyone else. It's fine not to hate them, and it's fine to miss them, but it is important to realize that. They had no right to you."

@Boop

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First Session: Fatima

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