Didn't know where else to put this but since it is technically a "Dean is somewhat on Hiatus" sort of thing as well it goes here.
The Gist of it? Dean is not doing so well, at all, and probably hasn't been for a while now. What do I mean by that? Well about five minutes ago I had a full on panic mode "I am worthless and everything sucks" sort of deal and while it is something I deal with in the background of my life it is the first time in a long time that it hit full force for no apparent reason. I am not as happy as I usually portray myself to be and actually kinda hate myself, but that is a whole lot of drama I am not getting into.
Couple this with the fact that I love my job, but the environment is somewhat poisonous at the moment and you get more stress with the fact that I am going to be stuck there for five months with no escape what-so-ever. Again, there is a lot more to it then this but I don't want to share it publicly for the world to see.
So what am I going to do? In Jan/Feb I want to close off all my threads. IE Finish them, I know I wanted to start one with Boop and we can as long as it ends by the last day of Feb but that is something to discuss with them. But, yeah. I do not want to just leave things unfinished before I vanish. I hate leaving things unfinished.
Will I be popping up in the Cbox during this time before I go? Yes. As frequent as normal? Probably not. I have a feeling I will be in a foul mood the next couple months and I don't really want to spoil the atmosphere here.
Will I be back at the end of the deployment? Yes, probably. As I said there is a lot to deal with and we will see what being stuck at sea for that long will do to me. It is my first sail that will have gone on longer then two months after all.
So that is the basics of it. Dean hates Dean, mind is going crazy, everything is a lie. Might be about a bit. Etc.
The Gist of it? Dean is not doing so well, at all, and probably hasn't been for a while now. What do I mean by that? Well about five minutes ago I had a full on panic mode "I am worthless and everything sucks" sort of deal and while it is something I deal with in the background of my life it is the first time in a long time that it hit full force for no apparent reason. I am not as happy as I usually portray myself to be and actually kinda hate myself, but that is a whole lot of drama I am not getting into.
Couple this with the fact that I love my job, but the environment is somewhat poisonous at the moment and you get more stress with the fact that I am going to be stuck there for five months with no escape what-so-ever. Again, there is a lot more to it then this but I don't want to share it publicly for the world to see.
So what am I going to do? In Jan/Feb I want to close off all my threads. IE Finish them, I know I wanted to start one with Boop and we can as long as it ends by the last day of Feb but that is something to discuss with them. But, yeah. I do not want to just leave things unfinished before I vanish. I hate leaving things unfinished.
Will I be popping up in the Cbox during this time before I go? Yes. As frequent as normal? Probably not. I have a feeling I will be in a foul mood the next couple months and I don't really want to spoil the atmosphere here.
Will I be back at the end of the deployment? Yes, probably. As I said there is a lot to deal with and we will see what being stuck at sea for that long will do to me. It is my first sail that will have gone on longer then two months after all.
So that is the basics of it. Dean hates Dean, mind is going crazy, everything is a lie. Might be about a bit. Etc.
