[Aqua Reginae] Virgins Wanted

“You do have proof. Allllright.” That was more than a little weird, but it wasn’t as if Bell really minded. “Well, I guess I’ve got somethin’ to entertain myself with later.”

“Ah, shush! I know interesting, and you’re interesting. Even if you end up being perfectly human, that’s interesting in its own way. Now hold still.” She held down his arm and drew a syringe’s worth of blood, smiling at the familiar red colour. “Well, nothing out of the ordinary yet, but we’ll see once we’ve done some tests…” She took the syringe and set it aside in a storage compartment, whistling contentedly to herself.

“Y’know what? You’re right. It is obnoxiously esoteric, and only arguably necessary. But if I’m gonna do this I’m gonna do it right.” She stood up straight and crossed her arms proudly. “The reason we gotta do something this annoying is because another of the ingredients is unicorn horn. Now, unicorns are really, really finicky assholes, you know that? I mean, not all of them, but generally speaking they only like to deal with wee little pure maidens and nonsense like that. It’s literally in their blood. Now, using both genders…” She tutted to herself thoughtfully. “Bit harder to explain. Basically, it’s for balance, and to cover your bases. ‘Sides the mixture of a man and a woman’s virgin blood has always been powerful. It’s the idea of, er, that soulful entwining without the sex… if you know what I’m saying.”

“You wanted anesthetic? It’s just a prick, you know. Even thinking about anesthetic shows how not manly you are.” She laughed, then thought. “Actually, if anything, I probably should have disinfected the spot first… whoops. Oh well.”

“Hey, now.” Bell frowned. “Unicorns are plenty real. It ain’t my fault the film industry got their hands on them and made them look like a bunch of losers!”

She glared at the boy, who had suddenly gotten a lot more interesting. Even as drunk or high or whatever as he was, he was still capable of some amount of scrutiny… maybe he was smarter than he looked. “They don’t – they don’t ride rainbows! But whatever. That’s not important. It’s a – you know, like, a chemical reaction? Except on a magical level. Magical chemistry. Things that you can’t see with a microscope. I figure you could make some sort of tool to see it, though. Man! Symbolism has real power, you know that? Belief, superstition… it all matters. I mean, sure we’ve gotten a lot of things wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s all fake. And don’t look like that, I got proof. Though it would be a waste of materials…” She crossed her arms. “I guess I could brew something up for you if it would make you believe me.”

“I’m a scientist too, pal! My pa was a scientist! It runs in the family – and so does a respect for magic. ” It didn’t matter if Orion wasn’t trying to offend her. This was something she felt quite passionate about, and she wouldn’t allow the boy to insult her with his disbelief.

“Hmm.” Bell raised an eyebrow at his explanation – and particularly at his little wink there. Her perceptions of him were quickly rearranging themselves, and she grinned a little. “You’re quite a weird one, aren’t you? Come around more often. I like you.”

“Uhh, something that works based on symbolism and that sort of thing… aha. I have just the thing.” She ran around the lab bench and began pilfering through a cardboard box by its side. “I should have… aha.” She pulled out an old cassette tape and an audio player. “Just gotta test this thing works.”

She put in the tape and let it play. It was an old lecture of some sort – clearly Bell’s voice, though distorted. In the recording, she was… rambling. About everything. Potion brewing, onomatopoeia, different shades of red... “I saved some materials, in case I wanted to make more. Anyways, I’ve got a kitchen. If you head outside, it’s the second door on the right. Go get me a loaf of bread and a handful of salt.”

After he’d left, he’d hear what sounded like a something being smashed into bits, and then the grinding of a blender. When he came back, she’d have a greyish liquid sitting in a beaker with what appeared to be bits of plastic in it.

“I look forward to seeing you again, then.”

She shrugged when he called her things old. “No point using something new, here. It’s expendable. Actually, the whole thing works a little better if the recording isn’t perfect.”

When Orion came back into the room, Bell gave him a nod and a mock salute. “Taste, too? Probably has something to do with the toad…” She thought to herself. “I’ll try it myself later, now I know it’s not dangerous or anything.”

“And – no. The tape recorder isn’t in here, just the cassette. That’s all I needed. If it helps, it’s not the only thing I could have used. CD, Brain of a lyre bird… the recipe is pretty broad. It’s the processing that matters the most.”

“Bread and salt are part of the recipe. I’m going to have to boil all this, too… naw, I probably don’t need a cauldron. Beaker should be enough.” She went to get herself a heating pad, plugged it in, and then set the beaker on top, beginning to heat it.

As it heated, she mixed in a bit of salt, then set the bread neatly on top of the beaker. “Alright. Got a second guess?”

“You can do it, eh?” She grinned, glancing at the taller boy occasionally as she worked. She preened at the attention he was giving her brewing – she hadn’t felt this appreciated in a damn long time.

Bell laughed out loud at how stumped Orion seemed to be, and then laughed even harder at his guess – not maliciously, but out of sheer delight. “You’re starting to get the hang of this, aren’t you? And here you were ready to say everything I came up with was bull. Alright, so…” She ripped off a little piece of the bread as she waited for everything to boil. “Bread is a traditional ingredient for anything that has a lot of power in the steam, yeah? Because it has a great ability to absorb, and so it prevents things from being wasted. I mean, sure you can just keep everything in a closed system, but this stuff’s specifically good for ‘data’, as you put it. Lets some of the other stuff out.” She gave it a squish. “Since it’s soft and spongy and all, it works real well. It’s a little stupid, and magic scholars tend to avoid it – they say it’s not precise enough. They prefer to use, like, specially-prepared… sponges or something. But the nice thing about bread is that it’s pretty disposable – you can just break it up in the potion to release anything inside it, and then you can filter it out.”

The liquid in the beaker had begun to boil, now. Bell kept a good eye on it to make sure it didn’t overflow, and kept quiet for a few minutes before speaking again. “This is a pretty simple potion, actually, but I don’t make it so often because it’s expensive to deal with and only has a few rather specific uses. The whole purifying process and whatnot takes longer than this. I mean, if you’re really trying to make this work, you could spend hours on it. I’m just trying to prove a point though, so…” She turned the heater off and waited for the liquid to cool somewhat. “Most of the power’s in there,” she said, pointing to the beaker, “but it’s still full of plastic, so you can have some of this instead.” She passed the slightly-ripped, somewhat-soggy loaf of bread to him. “Sorry it’s awful, but I normally have more time to make these things look and taste better before I put them on the counters.” She grinned. “I don’t know if it’ll react to your mind being all muddled, but you can give it a try.”

To be honest, this stuff was one of her favourite things to drink on a bad day. It was bland as could be, but it filled her head with pleasant nonsense – white noise, incoherent rambling... If she felt like it, she could still think through it, but she normally found it easier to sit back and focus on absolutely nothing. The bread, being less potent, wouldn’t last as long, but it would definitely be enough to prove her point.