[Ania] Carried in his Arms

As Ania sat herself to a seated position, Jacob let go of her hand and sat back on his own haunches, awaiting her answer and giving her a bit of space. There was a delicate balance when it came to hearing another person's problems, and perhaps consoling them afterward. It was innately instinctual to either jump on the person with affection and pity if their troubles were sufficiently heart-rending, or to tell them to suck it up and deal with it. So few people knew how to handle the troubles of others, whether it was mental, emotional, or whatever. Sure, sometimes a person did want to be held or here some pity, but most of the time, listening and understanding was enough to please.

To tell the truth, he did want to jump out and at least give the girl a hug when he heard her mother died. But he held himself back and nodded, showing that he was listening with his mind as well as his heart.

"You have my condolences, Ania, and I won't ask for more details if you aren't comfortable with it."

Perhaps a later time he would learn more of her past, but he had enough experience with kids from broken homes to know the general narrative of their past. For Ania, at least, she seemed to have drawn strength from within and risen above her lot in life, which was inspiring in its own right.

With a breath, Jacob drew himself and plopped himself next to Ania on the bed, wrapping and arm around her shoulders and drew her close.

"Thank you for sharing though. I ain't gonna tell you that 'everything will be alright' and such because you probably got that enough, and from what I see, things have already turned out alright. But if it ever comes back to bug you, you can share with me. You don't have to hold it all in."

He gave her a little side hug.

"Here, I'll share with you too... My own mother left me when I was young. She didn't die. But she abandoned my father and I when I was only a few months old. Just... Up and left. Left a note sayin' something like that kind of life wasn't for her. And that was it. It's just been me and my dad since then..."

It felt so nice to hold Ania again, even if it was only with one arm and at his side. If Jacob could be allowed just some time to hold her without fear of reprisal or scorn, he would happily cuddle up and fall asleep with her. Literally. Nothing too intimate. Just a night to feel the warmth of a body in his arms. Of course, that was but a fantasy. He had his obligations and he already promised to keep his distance with her. Quietly, he sighed at his thoughts and simply squeezed her a bit closer.

"Nah... Nah. I don't know about my dad, but I never heard from her again. It's not like I looked for her either. My father always told me that I never showed any particular interest in learning about my missing mom, and I still don't to be honest."

A lot of people found that strange when and if they found out about that particular part of Jacob's history. Much in the same way that Ania was probably tired of people doling out pity for her, Jacob was pretty tired of people wondering why he never sought out his birth mother. It was simple to him: He just never knew her. He was way too young to form any memories of her and his father did a good enough job raising him that he never really questioned it. What was the point anyway? He was forty years old and his life was, more or less, really good. What good would seeking out his abandoning mother do to him?

He did still ruminate on it on rare occasions. The only time he really felt anything about the situation was when he was a teen. But then again, teens were always angry about everything and he was no different. But he still had that note his mother left and he occasionally found himself looking at it, trying to decipher the meaning and feeling behind that scant handful of words.

"Yeah... My mother... She didn't seem uninterested so much as she seemed... scared or unwilling. That's the feeling I get when I look at that note. But it's all the same at this point really."

His arm drifted down from her shoulder to her waist, still holding her close and leaning his head on her's.

"Heh. I understand your sentiment there, but don't go too far, honey. Only have as many children as you can properly love and attend to, otherwise you may be doing more of disservice than good. Your love may be limitless, but your time and money aren't."

"Hehe... One step at a time, honey. Focus on your schooling first, THEN maybe think about a village of children."

Jacob hardly moved from his position. He rather enjoyed being so close to Ania. But his mind was abuzz for moment. The way she worded her question... It almost felt like she was asking him to join in her weird little child village. But wouldn't that make him, like, the dad or something?

"Doctors can make lots of money. Bakers? I don't really know. But give up on your dreams for money. Do what you want, but love what you do, and success wil find its way to you.... Heh. That rhymed~"

Chuckling to himself, Jacob settled down in his mind and in his body. What followed was a few moments of quiet as Jacob just enjoyed Ania presence in his arm. He felt like he and Ania had made a kind of personal connection by admitting their pasts to each other. Both of them were from... imperfect families with absent or mostly-absent mothers. They both had also grown up since those times, putting years between their broken upbringings and the present. At least Ania seemed to be doing well anyway. But there was no doubting that the events had shaped their lives, and still lingered in the recesses of their minds. Now, though, they could linger on those thoughts together.

Together... That was the problem that Jacob faced, and one that was felt solely on his own shoulders. Which was mostly true since it was all his own doing and of his own making. Ania seemed fine with having him privy to her past and offering his services as a trusted confidant. Jacob was the one grappling with his own emotions over how close he could/should/would be with Ania.

Maybe... Maybe he just needed something more concrete to anchor himself on/bolster himself against. He slipped his arm out from around her and put both his hands in his lap before taking a deep sigh, like he too was starting to feel the tiredness of the lesson finally.

"Ania... Do you... Have a boyfriend or something?

Her energy and giddiness were already familiar to Jacob. When Ania perked up and bounced on the bed next to him, he hardly budged and kept calmly looking forward as she explained her boyfriend situation. He was listening but unresponsive for a bit, his thumbs gently rubbing over his own hand nervously. He looked down at his hands and breathed another quiet sigh.

"Sounds like an interesting kind of guy you got there."

Part of him was asking why the hell he felt any pang of emotion at hearing that Ania had a boyfriend. He DID ask the question and even expected that kind of answer. Hell, he wanted that answer. It gave him solid evidence to keep his hands off of her and maintain some distance. He had asked that specific question for that very reason. So why was he at all surprised and disappointed to hear it? Was he really, honestly expecting her to say no? What then? Would he have come on to her more? Would he have tried any of the things he had already promised he would not do? Jacob could not believe he was really so lonely as to think he seriously had a chance at starting something with Ania. Especially when he already felt so good keeping their relationship more like father-daughter.

Denial was a strong emotion.

He only looked up from his hands when Ania asked her own question about his own relationship status. His seemed gone, but he put on a small one for her when he looked up.

"I'm, uh... No. Not anymore. I used to be married. We divorced about five years ago. Been single ever since. Eh heh. Between work and stuff, I really haven't had the time to get back into the dating scene. And plus I'm getting kind of old for that... So it's... Just me."

"Y-Yeah. I've heard that before. It's not impossible, I know, just a little more difficult. Everyone around my age is pretty busy with their own matters. So that's the rub."

It was a partial explanation. Not a lie. But not the whole truth. There was a myriad of explanations and reasons for why Jacob was still a single man, and a lot of them were true at once. However, not all explanations were external. Some were just because of him. It seemed that he had expended all of his... enthusiasm for courting in his youth, before he was married. So when he was married, he was all but completely prepared to settle, even as fumes of his former playboy life sneaked out every so often. Often enough to warrant his wife divorcing him. So now, even though he was an admittedly lonely man, he felt more comfortable distracting himself with work, swimming, and stressing over his estranged daughter than actually putting himself out there. It wasn't a good thing, but it wasn't a bad thing. Or at least he thought that until it bit him in the ass when it came to meeting Ania.

His blush returned after a long absence when she asked about his kind of person. She was as straightforward as ever, in just the right way to make him a little anxious. Poor girl knew how he felt about her from back at the pool, and yet she unwittingly kept teasing him. Or maybe that was just him projecting.

"Um... Uh... I dunno. Heh. I used to date all kinds all the time when I was young. But, uh, I guess if I had to pick a trait or two... I suppose I got a thing for cute, innocent girls with puppy eyes. I'm a total sucker for a girl with sad eyes. Not that she has to be SAD, just the way they look is all. And, heh, a girl with a nice bottom."

Oh god. Why was he actually answering honestly? He could have easily covered up with the usual answer of a "nice woman" or "someone who is smart and pretty". Nope. Sad eyes and a round butt. Great job, Jacob.

"But I don't know about another teacher. Like I said, people my age are usually too busy to date..."