What's this?

Every muscle, ligament, tendon, bone, nerve, cell - everything that made up his body and composed it to be the way it had been structured felt like it was being torn asunder. Not torn neatly or stabbed, but ripped apart by the cruel, bear hands of fate. He'd endured something like this before, although not quite as intense or extreme, when they had taken his abilities away; surely he could endure this. Becoming human was supposed to be the most mortifying, shameful thing for one of his kind. It signified weakness, an inability to know one's place...

But Jazariel had never understood his place.

He whimpered softly, bowing his head deeper. He didn't want Doll to see him this, not when he was supposed to be protecting her. How could he protect her now, or anyone? He'd failed again! Zukrel had given him this precious chance, a second chance that no other angel received when they failed... and he'd ruined it. He'd ruined it, he'd gotten too close, and he couldn't even take it back and lie.

"You should go," he said through clenched teeth. "You should go, forget about me, okay? Because now I'll be of no use to you."

Jazariel's eyes clenched shut when she pulled him closer to her body. He couldn't even feel her arms around him, too aware of what his body felt like to think of anything on the outside. He could feel her lips pressed against his hair, whispering and muttering things that he couldn't hear or make out. He just knew that she was there, that she wasn't leaving him despite what he had asked. Why...?

His arms moved to cling to her when she tightened her grasp on him, whimpering again. "But you should," he said. "Why would you want another burden...?"

Her words washed over him, soothing and tender in their sound even if he couldn't entirely grasp onto them and hold them. Her voice was fleeting, there one moment and gone the next, but he needed her to keep talking. Jazariel was afraid she would leave...

Wait, afraid?

The feeling was something he wasn't accustomed to feeling. It was something weak, not something meant for him. He really was becoming human, wasn't he?

There was her lovely voice again. "I might be able to," he said. "It... still hurts, but a little less," he grumbled, clenching his jaw and clenching his eyes shut to try to hide the remnants of the pain.

Jazariel's body was somewhat limp, but he mustered up whatever strength remained within him so he wouldn't be too much against her small stature. He did his best to walk with her when she lifted him with her, his breathing somewhat labored and each piece of him feeling as if it were made of lead

"I'm okay," he said, grasping the railing once they were at the stairs. Jazariel sucked in a deep breath, looking down so that he could see each step to make sure his feet made it and to avoid her gaze. "We just have to go slow, that's all. And I'm going to need to rest..." Each movement was slow, but at least it was precise, as he didn't over-step the stairs. Right now he didn't exactly want to fall.

Her words of encouragement did little for him. Jazariel preferred reason over hope, horrible as that could have been. At least he didn't get his head clouded or his hopes up. A deep, loud sigh passed through his nostrils when they took a break. Eyes sliding closed, a wave of dizziness came over him and his ears rang for a few moments.

"I don't have a choice," he muttered, his tone somewhat bitter. "Let's keep going, get it over with. It's only going to get worse from here."