The Burdens We Carry [Romi]

ArcanaFate

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May 19, 2018
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"That's the question, isn't it? Was the cycle necessary at this moment? I could have easily damned the world with my selfish decision to save a single child." Asteria leaned back into her seat. "But I questioned that as well. The entity was an amalgam of every previous incarnations of the Sho'lai who hosted it previously. It's very possible that this once important god had become bastardized in its mission and was simply a world-ending nightmare. Or, like you said, I broke the cycle. It would have been quite interesting, to say the least. The world would have ended and I would have gotten to see it."

Asteria grinned, although it looked somewhat forced. "The beauty of immortality. You get to see so many amazing things that people only catch a glimpse of in their lifetimes." She sighed. "But, there is still one more piece to the puzzle you haven't figured out yet. Why doesn't Ezra remember what the seals are for? Why don't their memories don't align with Sparrow's?"
 

Romi

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There was no way of knowing. No way of finding right or wrong. It was the kind of thing that Jude hated - a problem with no solution. No matter what you picked, there was no way of telling if it was the right answer.

It was like he could already feel the headache growing in the back of his mind.

"Because Sparrow joined the collective," Jude said. This was something he was familiar with. The Alexandrian was the same way--a collective of souls, a homogeneous mass--and Jude suspected has the same limitations. "You can erase the personality, but you can't pull a needle out of the iron mass it was melted into."
 

ArcanaFate

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"Mmm, not quite. Although the entity- I really need to think a proper name for it at some point- is a collective of its previous hosts, it doesn't become a hivemind of personality. Their personality is itself is an amalgam of each of its hosts that is constantly adapting and re-evaluating all of the knowledge it accumulates. For example," Asteria paused, tapping her chin, "Let's say the topic of knowledge was dogs. Host A was attacked by rabid dog, and is terrified of them because of it. Host B, however, met a nice dog and became friends with it. Host C found picture books filled with various kinds of dogs, and finally Host D found a deceased dog on the side of the road. When Host E comes into existence, it learns that dogs can be vicious or friendly, that there are many different breeds of dogs, and that dogs can die. This line of memory on the topic is remembered with clarity, and such, shapes the personality of the next host."

"Now imagine this line of thread times dozens, maybe even hundreds of times, each filled with accumulated knowledge. Ezra had inherited one of the largest founts of knowledge regarding, well, just about every topic out there. But I digress. The point is, when 'Sparrow' awoke, they lashed out immediately in a fury at my interference. Although they had cycled into this new body fine, they had been expecting a more mature Sho'lai."
Taking another sip of her coffee, she leaned forward and stared Jude right in the eyes. "I ended up in a magical duel with this entity for well over an hour of non-stop spells, counterspells, and the occasional kick to the head. I had come packed to the brim into the Sho'lai's dimension with thirteen very ancient artifacts; these were powerful tools that could arguably fight actual gods with and hurt them quite well. We clashed and clashed until finally, the duel ended. Eight shattered artifacts later, there stood a clear victor in the ruins of the Sho'lai homeland."

"I lost. Sparrow killed me."
 

Romi

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Jude was not surprised by the story. It all made sense. It was all neat, and what he expected, and then...

And then Asteria died.

Jude blinked, trying to process what he'd just been told, his brain turning the information over as he did. Asteria had died? Only she- well, he didn't actually know she wasn't dead. She might be undead. Every time he tried to read her he got a different result, and Jude blanched a bit, obviously surprised.

Giltenn, on the other hand, was running through possible options, and Jude had to mentally tell them to shut up.
 

ArcanaFate

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The redhead couldn't help but chuckle at Jude's look of minor confusion. No one really knew exactly what abilities Asteria possessed, and for quite a few reasons. First, she didn't like to show her whole hand. Second, for some reason, people could never accurately diagnose her abilities. Even she couldn't using the Oculus, as it would just give inane readings before giving up entirely.

"I'll explain more about my abilities after I conclude the story. Sparrow killed me, stabbed me straight through the heart with some kind of energy ray. I awoke about two minutes later with Sparrow's back to me and focused on some kind of ritual spell. My guess was the start of the invocation to cause the cataclysm, but I couldn't be sure. With the one opportunity to end the fight, I did something that most spellcasters would find insane: I shattered three of the last ancient artifacts I had in a gamble to seal Sparrow and the entity away."

Asteria frowned, taking a few deep breaths. "It almost didn't work. They resisted, a clash of literal will of suppression versus inevitability. I was losing. Again. The world was going to end and I was going to have to watch Armageddon go down in front of my very eyes. So I shattered a fourth artifact; one of two that I had left. And I used a curse. A disgusting, vile, and destructive hex on them."

She paused at this point, looking down the hallway towards where she knew the door was. The door to Ezra's bedroom. The home she had offered them after they had 'lost' their family. It was a weird concept to think about, knowing she was their savior yet the cause of their damnation.

"In somewhat crass terms, I scrambled the shit out their brains. All of those thread lines, all of the information collected, everything the monster had learned in its many years of being alive, now nothing more than shredded strings holding nothing. I basically turned a prodigal genius into someone with the intelligence of a three year old in one brief moment. I made them forget almost everything. Changed their history, their memories, everything they knew. I tried to keep as much of Sparrow's uniqueness as possible, hence Ezra's insatiable curiosity and their awkward staring."

"None of the other Sho'lai could stop what happened. Most had been killed in the crossfire between myself and Sparrow, and the ones who could have survived likely fled out of the portal into the Siberian wilderness. I have no clue whether they lived or not, and I'm doing my best to locate them. But as it stands, my actions caused the deaths of most, if not all, of the Sho'lai."
Asteria's face turned dark, as if a bitter taste lingered in her mouth. "Their culture is likely lost unless another Sho'lai is found alive. Thousands of years of knowledge now gone in a memory destroying hex. Twelve ancient artifacts shattered, most unlikely ever to be replicated again."

"All that in exchange for one Ezra Taliesin Vrall."
 

Romi

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It was a loss. A devastating one. Even knowing that they'd been... what, ending the world? Who even knew--even with all that, the knowledge they'd gained was gone.

"In Halcyon," Jude said quietly, "we had a being known as the Alexandrian. To most people he was just a hero, and one that was... exceptionally powerful. So powerful he couldn't even be in the city without a dozen limiters. Even just being near him, you could feel him thrumming with power. You could feel that strength. Not many people knew what he actually was... an amalgam, just like the Sho'lai. He was a million Ijian souls, all merged into one being to be a watchdog against the Gultha."

Jude paused a moment, staring at nothing at all, just processing.

"With what's happened to my world, they'll be gone now. Devoured by the thing they were meant to stand guard against. The only Ijian left doesn't know anything about their culture. They're one in name only. So that's all lost, forever."

In other words: He knew what it was like. The staggering scale of loss.
 

ArcanaFate

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Asteria remained quiet for a long moment, just staring at Jude. The young man clearly understood the implications of her actions, even mentioning a parallel to the situation from his world. It was almost staggering, to say the least. That knowledge seemed to constantly be destroyed for supposedly good reasons. The moral dilemma was rough and her thoughts fell back to the Library of Alexandria and its fiery demise. A place she had wished to visit those many years ago, now lost and its knowledge lost with it.

"...Well, we've delved into a very depressing topic, haven't we? But I am... appreciative of this. You have been much more understanding than expected. Ezra is very dear to me, and although their story is a literal disaster, I am thankful for your kindness to them. I have been holding onto this secret for little over a year, and yet it has felt like almost an eternity."

Asteria paused, then clapped her hands. "Well now, let's talk about something else. Anything else at all, really. I did say I would answer questions and I would rather think about anything else besides how I beat the living stuffing out of a teenage god and wiped out millennia's worth of knowledge."
 

Romi

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Jude gave a sympathetic wince at their attempt to change the topic. Anything else. Anything at all. She was an open book, a person he could ask for anything, but for the moment his nearly endless curiosity had all but dried up. Even Giltenn, normally desperate for it, was more quiet than usual, somber at the mention of the Alexandrian.

Their mortal foe, even if the Alexandrian had seemed to consider Giltenn the smallest threat. It was a bit like calling something the least lethal form of cancer: In the end, they were still a cancer.

"I should probably be going," Jude admitted after a moment. "This conversation has been... kind of exhausting. Can I just get a raincheck on the 'ask you anything?'" The answer was probably a no, but even so Jude suspected he'd pass it up anyway. He had no idea what to ask, and didn't have the emotional energy to sort out an answer other than just sitting down and becoming a mouthpiece for Giltenn's questions.
 

ArcanaFate

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Asteria could only nod in agreement as she slowly rose out of her seat and looked towards the blond teenager. This had been almost therapeutic for her, yet she couldn't help but feel guilty having overloaded Jude with the information. She was surprised that he was not more angry with her actions. To somewhat understand how the choices she had to make were difficult, and to be more sympathetic to that struggle was something she was not quite prepared to face.

"Sure, that's fine. I understand I've... put a lot on your plate. We can take a raincheck on our little conversation." Placing her arms behind her back and walking towards the door, she continued, "However, I have a single condition: please continue to treat Ezra the same. I know it'll be difficult, but I just want them to be happy. And even if they cannot really show it, they do enjoy your company, Mister Jude. They honestly do talk you up quite a bit. Feel free to stop by whenever you want."

With a faint smile and opened front door, she would allow Jude to head out at his leisure before closing the door and letting out a long sigh.
 
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