Smile in your Sleep [Kait]

Lochlann couldn't sleep.

He tossed and turned, kicked his blankets around for what seemed like hours, until he finally had enough. Now, he was sitting on the floor, not sure what to do with himself.

To anyone else, the room was decidedly spartan in quality. There was only the minimum furniture and no personal affects of photos decorating the room. There was a small stack of books on the desk, seemingly with no correlation--the 1920 minutes from the Manta Carlos Alumni Relations Meeting, an old Chauncer, and a self-help book for vegetarians--except for the thickness and texture of the paper. The radio was on, quietly playing a classical music station.

The window was open just a crack, sending in a thin stream of cold air, but Lochlann didn't have goosebumps, even though he was only wearing a pair of old sweatpants.

There was a knock and for a second, Lochlann thought he imagined it, or that it was for the room next door, but he looked up and said, "It's open."

“Hi, Loch,” Chloe said. “You… told me to surprise you. Mission accomplished. I think.”

Lochlann's face shifted between surprise, nervousness, and then settled into a small smile. He rose to his feet, rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly unsure where to put his hands. He wondered if he should put shoes on, but that seemed too formal somehow, and he didn't want this to be awkward. It didn't cross his mind that it might be weird that he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"You did surprise me," he said, and though he sounded relieved, there was also a little bit of nervousness in his voice.

It was one thing to talk about this, but another to actually go through with it, and her next question reminded him of the seriousness if things were to go wrong. “Before we, uh… I mean, do you still have that… iron thing you were telling me about, a few days ago?”

He nodded, backing up and opening the nightstand drawer next to his bed. There was a folded bandanna that he grabbed and then immediately dropped on the bare nightstand, his hands shaking. He shook them out and unwrapped the small fabric.

It was a bridle, completely made of iron. He hated looking at it. For a demonstration, he pressed his fingers to it, biting his lip, and when he pulled them back, the edges skin was raw and blistered. He showed them to her before sucking on them to ease the pain. "It will work. There's also, um, a pair of handcuffs, but that's...a little weird."

He gave a laugh that was just a little nervous. "So, um...where do you want me?"

“That looks like it hurt. A lot.” Chloe didn’t expect a reaction that dramatic. “I don’t want to put you in that much pain unless I absolutely have to. So I probably wouldn’t put the handcuffs on you. I might poke you with the things, though.

Lochlann wasn't expecting that, and something in his gut twisted. He reached out to grab her hand, but stopped at the last moment, dropping his hand back to his side. "But if you have to, I don't want you to hesitate," he said. He sucked on the tips of his fingers again, dropping his gaze to the floor. Burns healed, but he couldn't bring someone back from drowning.

“So… I guess, anywhere you wouldn’t mind sitting or lying down for a while. Your bed would be great for that.”

A beautiful girl was telling him to get into bed and he was nervous. Still, Lochlann nodded, and backed up, sitting down on the bed. He didn't lay down just yet. Even though he'd been laying at the beach, somehow the idea of laying down now reminded him too much of his brief stint at the hospital.

"Okay, I'm uh, ready," he said. He wanted to ask her about what her home was like, but didn't know if now was a good time. Or if there was ever a good time, because he did technically kidnap her, but he didn't want to not ask, either. He ended up making a noise in his throat that was the sound of him biting down a question.

Lochlann wasn't sure what to expect. Even though he'd experienced it before, he'd been figuratively and literally soaked in alcohol, and wasn't sure how much of his memory he could trust.

He didn't think it would happen so quickly. Her hand touched his shoulder and his first thought was wow, it's been so long since anyone's touched me and before he could feel an ounce of self-pity, a rush of warmth spread through him. It started with her hand on his shoulder and worked its way down to his toes. He didn't even know he was tense until his body relaxed, seemingly against his will. He made a small noise in the back of his throat and tried to say her name, but it might have just been an exhale of his breath.

It felt like his first kiss, his first drink, his first time falling in love, all wrapped up in one package. Somehow, her arms were around him, and her head against his arm, and it was probably a good thing because Lochlann had the sudden urge to push her hair back away from her face and kiss her. He settled for leaning towards her a little bit, resting the top of his head on hers, his fingers brushing the top of her knee.

His body panicked for a moment, figuring that if he was losing this much energy he must be injured and compensated with a rush of adrenaline that made his heart pound, but Lochlann didn't even notice.

"I'm glad you made me sit down," he whispered. "Is it always going to feel like this?"

“I don’t actually know..The feeling surprised me, the first time, but I don’t think it was any stronger than this....But it might do something different to you than it does to me.”

She shifted until she was looking up at his eyes, and Lochlann realized she had the prettiest hazel eyes he had ever seen. She smiled and Loch smiled back, the slow, easy grin he used to convince girls to sneak out behind the bleachers with him. It wasn't part of his disguise or a lure, just a genuine smile.

Arms freed, he reached out and brushed her hair back behind her ear, but he remembered and didn't lean in to kiss her. The talking helped him behave. Instead, he flopped back onto the bed and looked up at her.

“How does it make you feel, Loch?” She giggled. “Because it can turn me into a giggling, cuddly idiot if I keep it on for too long.”

"About the same," he admitted. "It feels good, like the first time I ever read a book. But also kind of sleepy. I feel like everything would be okay, if I could just keep my eyes open."

His heart raced again and Loch looked up suddenly, his face betraying some worry and his eyes imploring her to understand. "I'm still sorry about dragging you here, though, and I know everything isn't okay or will be, I just...feel..like it might be, one day."