Private Reunited

PixelatedGlory · Oct 25, 2019

Tadashi wasn't really angry, angry. Yes he had felt hate towards Ezra, and yes he had felt indescribably hurt for having felt that about someone he cared about. But he also hated how much pain he was causing Ezra too. This whole thing sucked. People things suck.

It was almost like seeing two things at once. On one hand he was feeling the crushing weight of tearing into Ezra emotionally- and he didnt know if they could take much of that. On the other, he was confused and hurt and struggling himself.

"I wont apologize for my friends and family. They're too aggressive but they were just showing they cared about me. I dont know if you can do the same anymore. I cant trust you right now. I'm not joking and I'm not smiling. I dont even know if I can handle being in people form right now without...," he was more or less yowling in frustration and grief. Right up until Ezra's situation hit him. He couldnt really calm down much but he was concerned and scared. "Ezra... what do you mean 'we'? Why are you talking like that?" He could feel his heart racing and a slight taste of blood in his mouth. Not good. His head felt like it was going to explode from being pulled in so many ways emotionally.

ArcanaFate · Oct 28, 2019

"We..." Ezra started, then paused for a moment. The voice warble was still noticeable, but starting to dwindle. "W-...W-... I..." After a few more attempts, the vocal distortion had ceased and the Sho'lai began to speak normally once again as if nothing had been wrong a moment prior. "Do not worry, Tadashi. I am alright. The abnormal speech pattern is a result of my journey off of the island. The information I learned- rather, relearned- was quite a substantial amount and I realized many truths from it."

Ezra shifted their position once more, moving themselves away from the middle of the pathway and towards the nearby bench they had been sitting on while waiting for the bakeneko. With an unwavering glance, they crossed their arms in their lap and exhaled. "Would you mind joining me on the bench, Tadashi? The ground is not entirely comfortable. I would like to tell you my story, if you would listen. It is substantial but I told you I would not lie to you about anything. You will be the first person on the island I have told this to and I cannot help but be curious about your reaction. I admit, I am also worried about telling you this and how you will perceive me after. You have already shut yourself off to me due to my hurting of you; I worry that this will pull you further away."

They paused.

"I am... scared."

PixelatedGlory · Oct 31, 2019

Do not worry, Tadashi

Do not worry

Do not worry

Why does everyone think that little phrase will solve everything? Worrying was half of what being a person seemed to be for Tadashi. Worry about his friends worry about his family, worry about everyone he cares about and oh yeah worry about himself sometimes too.

"Do not worry? How can you sit there and say that? Of course I worry, because I care. A lot. I cant not care." When had Tadashi shifted back to human form? He didn't remember doing that but there he was. Tears streaming down his face and gloved hands clenched tightly as he shook where he stood.

Slowly he forced his feet to move him towards the bench. Not sure if he could even sit. But his heart was being torn apart by all this- especially Ezra saying they were scared. Tadashi never wanted to hurt them, he just wanted to stop being hurt himself. "I.. cant promise to stay but I will try. This is.. very hard." His voice was shakey but he wasnt lying.

ArcanaFate · Oct 31, 2019

Ezra could not help but look at Tadashi as the bakeneko mentioned how much he cared. That odd feeling in the Sho'lai's abdomen came fluttering back and they could not help but wonder what it was meant to be. Before, the feeling had been the idea of meeting Tadashi. But now? They couldn't quite explain what about his words had been so different but they were... warm. Warm seemed to be the right description. Ezra would have to look into what physical ailments were tied to what emotions at a later date. For now, though, they had a lot of explaining to do.

"The fact that you are willing to try and stay is... comforting. I am going to share a lot right now, so try to wait until I complete speaking before asking anything. Assuming you stay to the end, that is. Which I hope you do, honestly."

Ezra took a deep breath, then exhaled. Another breath, another exhalation. After the third breath, they began their story.

"My kind are known as the Sho'lai. We are from between dimensions and our purpose in life is to collect the knowledge of various worlds and make sure that they have not fallen into disharmony. This is the doctrine that my people grew up with, that I had learned. We would travel the worlds, collect as much knowledge as possible, then the world would be judged. If the world was in order, it was left alone. But if not, we would invoke our patron deity who would enforce judgement and..." they paused for a moment, "restart the planet."

"About two years prior to my arrival to the island, a human woman appeared in our dimension. There had been a tear in time-space as this planet was the next one to be judged. Although my people have many interactions with other species, it is almost unheard of to have someone come to our home. We took it upon ourselves to welcome this guest and she lived among us."

Ezra frowned at this point, their brow furrowing as their voice began to carry a hint of the distortion it had held previously. "Her name was Asteria and she is a savior and a monster."

PixelatedGlory · Oct 31, 2019

Tadashi managed to sit down and listen to all of what Ezra was saying. And it was good that he'd sat down. This was a whole lot of information, and it definitely changed some things.

He couldnt help but interrupt. "So your people were going to judge us? And everything I knew about you was a lie?" He asked, incredulously. His mind began to spin off on tangents. Was their friendship some kind of secret test? If Asteria was a monster did that mean...?

No.

Focus.

Tadashi let out a sound much like a whimper and scrunched his eyes closed in concentration. "Sorry. I know you asked for no interruptions. But I cant sit still right now." Indeed he was still shaking somewhat, although the tears had stopped falling for the moment. But that might've been helped by the closed eyes.

ArcanaFate · Oct 31, 2019

Ezra remained stoic as Tadashi interrupted and waited until the teen calmed down. A small part of them was surprised at the bakeneko's interruption but understood that this information would be a lot to handle. This whole conversation was complicated and something that Ezra was still hesitant to talk about. But they told Tadashi they would be honest and they would not start lying to him now. The Sho'lai would place a small handkerchief on Tadashi's lap before continuing.

"To answer your question, I was unaware of my true heritage until I left on this trip. I had been told by Miss Asteria that I was a spirit of empathy and emotion and I had no reason to doubt her."

They let out a small cough. "Asteria partook in our society, adding a wealth of information we had not had accessed to prior. I had been eager to please and stuck with her everywhere she went. My desire to learn had been great and she enjoyed my devotion to having. But my role had not been to learn. I had been chosen to..." They paused.

"Well, die. Unbeknownst to Asteria, this world had been judged. And it had been chosen to be renewed. So our host was chosen, as was the catalyst. I was the catalyst. Miss Asteria was unaware of the ritual before it had started, and unaware that I was ready to return to the aether in the name of order."

"But of course, as chaos is wont to do, things deteriorated quickly. Miss Asteria killed the ritual leader. They became the catalyst."

"I became the host. I am the current carrier of a powerful deity-esque being who serves as a world reset button." Ezra began to tense, ready to bolt after Tadashi if he ran. They had cleared one of the more difficult hurdles, but there were other issues that hadn't come up yet.

PixelatedGlory · Oct 31, 2019

Tadashi was pretty sure his mind had stopped working around the time Ezra mentioned being chosen as a sacrifice. Everything was bad, there was no good and even the good people were bad people.

He tried. He really tried not to freak out. "So... this 'we'... does it... do you.. still want to delete this world? Do you want to... delete me?"

It was too much. He was still hurt and he was feeling hurt for having hurt Ezra. And he was afraid, and feeling bad for being afraid. And angry that everything always keeps getting worse. And... well there was nothing he could do about any of it.

There was a faint growl in his throat and a ripping sound as claws shredded out through his gloves. Fur lined his body and feral cat eyes replaced his own, accompanied by a tail. He was forced into half-cat form by the sheer pressure of the moment.

Not totally out of control he wasnt attacking or fleeing just yet, but things were not going well.

ArcanaFate · Oct 31, 2019

"Tadashi. I would rather end my own life than do anything to harm the life on this planet. And in my current state, it is impossible for me to do so even if I had the desire to." Ezra reached their hand out slowly for Tadashi to take if he wished, making sure not to make any sudden movements that would spook the bakeneko. "If you need me to, I can assist you by lower your emotional level down to a state of calm. Please do not panic."

"As I was saying, Miss Asteria accidentally assisted in completing the ritual but ended up with the incorrect host. Although weakened, the patron attempted to continue with the rejuvenation. She challenged them-... No, I suppose 'us' would be the proper term. We fought for hours, possibly over a day. We cannot recall exactly. But in the end, we won. Miss Asteria was slain by our hand and our mission could continue. The victory was not without cost, however. My people had fled during the ensuing battle or were slain in the midst of the conflict."

Ezra remained stoic, but kept their eyes focused on Tadashi as they spoke. "The red-haired witch known as Asteria Vrall is immortal. She, as far as I know, cannot be slain by any means as she will regenerate back to a specific moment. She came back to life and cursed me with what would probably be seen as a most heinous form of spellcraft. Asteria took me... us... this is confusing, apologies. The point is, she more or less shattered my mind and left me as intelligent as a toddler."

"The Sho'lai deity could be considered an amalgamation. It retains the memories and knowledge of all of the previous hosts and sacrifices and those minds form a singular entity. When Asteria destroyed the patron's mind, she erased unknown amounts of information that very possibly can never be retrieved. There is, as far as I am aware, no other living Sho'lai in existence. When I say Asteria is both my savior and a monster, I mean it quite literally. She saved my life and the lives of everyone on this planet. In return, she destroyed an entire civilization and burned away untold amounts of knowledge in doing so."

Ezra let out a small sigh, scratching the back of their head. They had seen that the gesture was considered one of nervousness and seemed it appropriate for the situation. "Asteria would tutor me on humanity for about a year, then we arrived on the island and I was 'adopted', for lack of better term. She stayed with me for a week, then left the island for her next project. She was gone for three months. In my first week living on the island without Asteria, I met you. And you were my first friend."

PixelatedGlory · Nov 2, 2019

Tadashi flinched away from Ezra's hand. Mostly because he didnt want to accidentally claw them. But also, hand holding without the glove might have been a thing that could have happened back before Ezra had left. He wasn't sure he was ready for that anymore.

"No! No, please don't try to take away my emotions. That's not fair and if you do it without my permission I'm never talking to you again," he exclaimed. Unfairly perhaps, but he didnt want to be worried that Ezra was controlling how he felt about them. That was a trust that, if broken, would never truly be restored.

Tadashi listened as things grew worse and worse. He wasnt sure what to feel about Asteria, about Ezra, about any of it. Other than everything was shitty and painful.

"I... dont know what to do. I dont know if I can trust you but I dont want to abandon you to feel what I felt. I dont know who you are." There, he'd said it. Tadashi was drowning in all the emotions he couldnt handle and through that mire he truly wasnt sure whether Ezra was the person he'd had feelings for or if those had been for the 'fake' person made by Asteria's terrible magic. And.. well Tadashi was stuck.

His whole body shook as he was torn between fleeing the situation entirely and not wanting to hurt Ezra like he'd been hurt himself. Behind the feral nature of his current situation he knew that if he ran away it might crush Ezra.

Or... was that Tadashi just projecting feelings on an emotionless, uncaring person who only was friends with him because of outside forces? Damn this whole thing. Damn feelings and damn personhood.

ArcanaFate · Nov 2, 2019

Ezra retracted their hand and set it quietly into their lap. Tadashi's outburst had been a surprise and it took the Sho'lai a few moments to collect themselves. "I would never do anything to you without your permission. I have been told that consent and communication are key to any relationship. Also, my power does not allow me to 'take' emotions. It would be more akin to decreasing the amount felt, so to speak. Returning to equilibrium. But as stated previously, I would never do anything that you would not want."

They looked around the park and took a deep breath. The fresh air was so different compared to the home dimension, but it was nicer. "...Tadashi, I am still Ezra. I am still the same as I was when we met. It is less of the removal of a mask and more of an addition. If you still doubt my intentions, I will spend as long as it takes to rebuild your trust in me. I will take responsibility for breaking your heart. But I do have a question, if you don't mind my asking."

"I was told that breaking someone's heart means doing something so hurtful that it makes it too painful to love them anymore. Did you-..." They trailed off, their head tilted much like they did when using Salem. They glanced between Tadashi and the ground. It was obvious that Ezra regretted following that line of thought.

"...what do we do now? I do not have experience with... all of this."

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Private Reunited

PixelatedGlory

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ArcanaFate

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PixelatedGlory

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PixelatedGlory

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PixelatedGlory

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