Remind me of Being Alive

“Alderic and Adelle… Those are beautiful names… Did you name them?”

“Yes,” Allen said. It was slightly painful that he had come up with their names on his own; it would have been great to have had Enelya’s opinion and input on them. He hadn’t really had a choice, but even so, he hoped she wasn’t angry or anything that he had named them without any of her consideration. “I’m glad you like them.” He laughed, feeling slightly relieved. It would have been really bad if she wound up thinking the names were the most hideous things she had ever heard. At least she liked them.

“You should smile more often.”

Allen smiled just hearing her say that. He had always seemed to smile when she was around, even if they weren’t anything. Her very presence just made him happy. Reasons to smile had been few and far between after she had gone… “Well, now that you’re back, I can do that,” he promised her softly. Enelya had always loved it when people smiled; he was glad to see that that preference had seemed to survive.

“We must have been so happy together… I’m… I’m sorry I died…just…before…”

Immediately Allen shook his head, hoping to put that to rest. She had no reason to apologize, and he didn’t want to hear her saying sorry. He loved the sound of her voice, but she was so pained over something that wasn’t her fault. “Shhh…” he comforted. “We’ve got the future, so it doesn’t matter.” Well, of course it mattered, but all Allen was concerned about right now was calming her down and making her happy. All he wanted to do right now was start making the future and start their lives again. Death had been a bit of a standstill, but now that they had been reunited, everything would be all right. Alderic and Adelle would have their mommy, and Allen could hold his beloved in his arms again. Everything was going to be okay. “It was my fault, anyway.”

It hurt to say that, but it was the truth. An argument about whose fault it was would probably spring from that statement, but in his head, nothing would ever change the fact that it had been his fault Enelya died. It had been his fault she had gotten pregnant when she did so she was set to give birth when the sun wasn’t strong, and it was his entire fault in the first place. Though he wouldn’t forget it, the pain was eased slightly now that she was back. Maybe death wasn’t as permanent as he had thought it was…

Allen was slightly reluctant to let go of her hand, but he did so anyway, folding his arms over his chest and watching as Enelya walked toward the water. She was smart, so he was pretty sure she wouldn’t end up falling in. He stood silently, watching, waiting, and hoping that something, anything, about this place would spark something inside of her. She seemed to be examining that water without end, which was a good sign. The thought of the boat ride brought a smile to his face. Maybe once she got her memory back, he would propose again; that would be incredibly sweet.

Enelya stood up again and looked at him. Allen blinked, watching as she walked toward him until finally she ran. The second she ran into his arms, there was no doubt in his mind she had remembered. Allen stumbled back slightly from the force of her but quickly caught himself, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her back. Oh, it felt so good to have her back in his arms, and to have her kissing him again! How he had survived without her affection and her love for three years he would never know.

“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry my love, Allen! I… Oh my God… I…I…”

She remembered him. Oh, God, she remembered him, she really knew who he was! Allen laughed quietly, too overjoyed not to. A lump formed in his throat again and his eyes became slightly moist, threatening to spill over into tears. She was really back, she was really here, and they were all really going to be a family again! “I love you so much,” he said, his voice cracking somewhat. A single, solitary tear streaked down his face as he kissed her again, bringing her all the more closer to him. “God, Enelya, don’t ever leave me again…”

“I knew I knew you, I knew I knew you… My heart tugged for you but I just didn’t understand…”

At least there had been some part of her that had known who he was. “I’ve always liked that heart of yours,” he whispered with a smile. “It’s always had its ways of letting both of know what we couldn’t figure out on our own.” So now he was getting a bit cliché… but it was bound to happen. When a man loved a woman as much as Allen loved Enelya, it was impossible not to say such things – especially when it was the truth.

Allen smiled and closed his eyes for a moment as her hands traced over his face. He inhaled deeply, taking the moment in with his breath. He never thought he’d see her again… God, he couldn’t believe she was back. The moment was so surreal, and he was so grateful. He didn’t know how it had happened, or even why, but just the fact that Enelya Norvayn was standing before him was enough to make him feel and think things he hadn’t in years.

“I’ll never forget you again…”

He kissed her back with just as much love, smiling when she told him that. “Good…” he said. He didn’t know if he would be able to cope with her not knowing a second time. If she ever forgot him or forgot she loved him, she might not ever love him again, and just the mere thought petrified him. But that wasn’t the case, so he had to force it away. Kissing her forehead lightly, he finally opened his eyes again. “Though I will say it was fun thinking of all the ways I could get you to remember me.” He grinned; at least he was being optimistic and hadn’t lost his sense of fun.

As she rested her head on his chest, Allen looked down at her, resting his head on hers and inhaling. Oh, how he had missed that smell! It was like the sweet perfume of flowers and the fresh scent of spring mixed together; nothing like it had ever graced him in the past and for as long as he lived, he knew Enelya would be the only one to ever smell like it. It was such a tiny detail, but it made him love her even more – everything about her made him love her more and more as each day passed.

“I have to ask you something…” he murmured, backing away from her embrace reluctantly. It was sadly necessary, however, if he was going to say this. There was a part of him that almost wished she hadn’t gotten her memory back so quickly. While he was happy she her mind back, it would have been nice to get a chance to go to one of the stores and buy her a ring. It seemed so inappropriate and incomplete to ask her this without having a ring. Even if it was a simple material possession that could be purchased at any time, it was tradition and was a symbol of his love, adoration, and devotion to her.

Allen lowered himself to the ground, getting down on one knee. He was sure that she knew by now what he was going to ask and he grinned like he always did, although he knew she liked his smile better. A soft chuckle came out of his throat because of the absolute joy in his heart and he looked up at her, his brown eyes reflecting all the feelings that were permanently set into his heart. He looked at her face for a moment before taking her slender hands in his own, and clearing his throat, he asked, “Enelya Norvayn Haldis, will you marry me… again?” he asked, his smile turning into a wide, ecstatic smile about halfway through the inquiry. He knew what she would say, but he still wanted to ask. Allen loved the fact that he still felt the same, if not more strongly, as the day he had proposed to her in the very same spot. Enelya was his one and only someone… no matter what happened, they would face it. They had faced her death and had gotten over it. If that didn’t show how strong their love was, then there was nothing else in this world that could.

“So, what’s stopping you?”

Allen grinned when she asked that and twisted his hair between her fingers. He was going to answer when she kissed him, which was a wonderful alternative to talking. When she mentioned remembering together, he smiled and shrugged. “Well, if you really want to know all I had planned…” he mused, chuckling. She was right, after all; there was no point in letting perfectly romantic plots go to waste. She was never going to leave him or forget him again, so there really wasn’t any logic behind holding on to the ideas for future use.

“Of course…”

He knew that was what she would say, but oh, hearing her accept his proposal a second time was the most amazing thing he had heard in years! After so much time had gone by, she still loved him enough to be married to him. He didn’t mind buying her another ring, even if it wasn’t completely necessary. Allen smiled genuinely when she jumped into his arms and, just like he had done the last time, he lifted her and spun her around in a circle, resting his forehead against hers and gently kissing her lips when he let her feet touch the ground again. He kept one arm around her waist and lifted the other, cupping her chin. “I love you so much…” He knew he kept saying it, but he couldn’t stop himself. His feelings were too strong for him to keep them silent.

After a few moments of standing there with her, Allen glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the academy and the city. Alderic and Adelle would be so overjoyed to see their mother! Especially after that talk they had had just earlier that day… he felt slightly guilty for explaining that Enelya wasn’t coming back and then going back home with her, but he was sure the twins would be delighted. Allen’s words could never fully explain what an amazing woman their mother was, so hopefully after seeing her picture and the other contents of the little box, they could see her for who she really was.

“We should go home,” he said. He loved standing out here with her in his arms, but it was getting cold and late and he felt selfish keeping her all to himself. “The twins have to meet you!” Allen smiled and pulled Enelya into another tight embrace, kissing the top of her head. He then let go of her and took her hand once more, entwining his fingers with hers. “Oh, I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces… they’ve gotten so big, Enelya… ohhh they’re gonna love you, they’re gonna love you!” He was clearly excited for them all to go home and be a family again, and it was tempting to start jumping up and down because of how thrilling the thought was. Plus, it was getting really cold and jumping might make it warmer. He was an adult, though, so unfortunately, he had to contain himself.

Home was probably going to look a lot different from when they had first moved in. Though he took care of it and kept it clean, it was lacking that woman’s charm and he hadn’t paid very much attention to his guitar. There just wasn’t a reason for there to be music without her. But the house wasn’t the only thing that had changed; Allen had lost weight, his eyes had darkened, and overall, he was a physical, and slightly emotional, mess.

“Allen… You look so tired… Have you lost weight?”

“Eh…” Allen looked at himself. He knew he hadn’t exactly been taking care of himself since Enelya died. He’d been over working, between teaching and being a single father, and eating and sleeping hadn’t exactly been his top priorities. “I guess…” He had been kind of hoping she wouldn’t notice. He didn’t want to make her worry or get all nervous because he wasn’t exactly as healthy as he had been a few years ago. But he was just kidding himself; she, of all people, would have to notice. It wasn’t like he was going to die because of it. Besides, now that she was back, maybe things would balance out more. “It’s just stress though, I’m fine,” he assured her with a slightly forced smile. He hadn’t really been ‘fine’ the last three years, but she didn’t have to know that.

“Shh… I know, Allen, and I love you too…”

Allen couldn’t have asked for a better reunion with her. Maybe it had been a rough start, but it had turned around very quickly. “Just tell me when you’re sick of hearing me say it,” he said with a smirk. He knew he said it a lot, but he always wanted Enelya to know, even though he didn’t necessarily have to speak the words to let her know. They both knew their feelings for each other, even if the words were never spoken.

“Allen… I’m a mommy…”

He grinned when she said that. It was the one thing she had really wanted all her life; he was just saddened that it had been the thing to kill her. Allen wasn’t all too eager to let her have any more children, even though he was positive she would want to after seeing Alderic and Adelle. Even if the twins could be a handful sometimes, they were really quite charming and adorable. “Isn’t it great?” he said with a wide smile. Parenting was a hard thing to do, but he loved those kids and was glad he was a daddy again.

“Are you sure they don’t hate me for leaving them?”

The question took him by surprise. Allen looked at her as she turned her eyes upward and shook his head, giving her hand a light, comforting squeeze. “They could never hate you…” he told her. “They just… really miss you.” A saddened look crossed his face as he recalled the earlier discussion he had had with the two. Enelya truly couldn’t have chosen a better time to come back to life. The twins were at a point in their lives where having a mother figure was crucial. He couldn’t exactly act like a princess with Adelle, and Alderic was going to need her when it came to his powers. There was so much he couldn’t do with them that he wished he could have, but he didn’t have to worry about that now. “They went snooping through my things earlier trying to find out about you.” Allen almost laughed, but it hadn’t exactly been the nicest thing to stumble upon. “They found a picture and some other stuff… they just want to know you, Enelya…”

Allen listened to her as she mentioned how thin he had gotten and looked down at himself, tilting his head slightly. He knew he had lost weight because of the scale, but he hadn’t exactly noticed the change physically. Then again, he didn’t notice much about him that changed appearance wise; after having this body for so long he was used to pretty much everything. As soon as she asked if he had been taking care of himself, a nervous look crossed his face and he felt like he was on fire because of the shame.

Though he wanted to cover up everything, he knew that would only make it worse. Allen shook his head at her question; at least he was being honest. “Not really…” the immortal said, his voice barely above a whisper. He hoped Enelya wouldn’t be upset or angry with him; it was just so difficult without her around, and for her to be gone so suddenly on the day their lives were supposed to start together… it was a miracle that the only thing he had to worry about was his weight loss and newfound addiction to coffee.

“That’s it, I’m going to make you something that’ll fatten you up and make you look healthy as ever in no time.”

He’d missed her cooking! Maybe he should have said from the beginning that he hadn’t been eating because nothing compared to her cooking… that was the truth. Allen grinned and laughed softly as he was nudged. “Mmm, well I’m looking forward to that!” he said excitedly.

“The day I get tired of hearing you say those words will be the day that the sky falls and crushes us all… But even then, those are the last few words I’d like to have enter my ears…”

Allen smiled as she said this. “Let’s hope the sky doesn’t decide to fall down any time soon…” he spoke softly. He wanted to make sure Enelya knew every moment of every day from now on, whether he spoke or not. They had never argued much, unless their first kiss counted at all when he had been extremely arrogant and still in his Tin Manish ways. She spun around so that he was hugging her from behind, and Allen placed his chin on her head, closing his eyes as they swayed and she hummed. It was a lovely melody, though of course it wasn’t as lovely as the woman that was creating it.

“My children… Definitely my children…”

As she turned to him with tears in her eyes, there wasn’t a doubt in Allen’s mind that they were tears of pure joy. There was no way she would ever be saddened by the fact she had children, not his Enelya. He laughed quietly when she said that they definitely had to be her children; oh, it was so true. He could see so much of her in them more and more each day. For now, though, he was just glad she would get to see it now too.

“Tell me about them on our way?”

“Well, of course,” Allen said. He bit his lip as they walked, thinking about everything about the twins. It was so hard to choose what to tell her and what to let her find out on her own. Maybe it didn’t matter, since his words could never bring them out as much as seeing them could. “Weeeeelllll…” Allen dragged. “Alderic has the same blue hair you had, and Adelle has those beauuuuutiful purple eyes of yours…” He looked into her eyes for a moment before returning his gaze to the path ahead, walking a bit slower than he usually does completely on purpose. “Alderic tackled my legs this morning and was flinging eggs at his sister… and Adelle is the most perfectest little princess ever!” Yeah, so it was improper English and it burned his being a little too – but it was necessary. “And guess what?” Allen leaned down and whispered into Enelya’s ear, “I think Alderic can talk to animals.”