Remind me of Being Alive

Remnant patches of snow were left on the ground from the past snow storm. The white substance hardly dominated the ground anymore, as more and more leaves from autumn began to reveal themselves as the snow melted away. Allen peered at the lifeless trees, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He had been so hesitant to come here, especially in the winter; everything was so void of life… just like Enelya was now. Coming here any other season would have been just as difficult, however; no matter where he went, there was something around that always reminded the immortal of his late wife. She was everywhere – she was whispering to him in the wind, embracing him with the sunlight. It didn’t matter where Allen Haldis tried to go; escaping the grasp of Enelya would never be possible for him, even in death.

His feet crunched against the ground, destroying the former silence that had over taken the forest. If the birds were singing, then he certainly didn’t hear them. Allen was far too into his thoughts to pay attention to things he had once considered trivial. He pulled his black coat closer, watching his breath turn into a white cloud in front of his face as he exhaled before disappearing. Nothing in this world was permanent, whether it be something like life or a breath of air. The only things that seemed to stay the same were the cycles. People were born, people grew, people died. There were exceptions to this law, of course, Allen being a primary example. He had been alive for over seven hundred years now. Enelya should have been an example too, but… Allen had, in a way, ruined that. Had it not been for him, well, she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant and she wouldn’t have died because of the autumn sun – or rather, lack there of.

He lifted a hand from his pocket to run his fingers through his black hair, sighing. His movements no longer seemed his own as his feet continued to move toward her grave. Allen couldn’t have stopped his feet if he wanted to, as he was too far deep into the forest to turn back now. He had avoided this place for three years, unless something so spectacular happened that he just had to come and tell his deceased wife. Even if she wasn’t there in a physical state, he was sure she enjoyed hearing about the twins, wherever she was. If there was only one person in the history of Earth that had ever had a soul, Enelya Norvayn was her, so Allen had no doubts that she could hear and see him some place. His wife was living proof that people could be good…

Allen came to a halt as soon as he reached the place. His brown eyes were fixated on the ground before, almost with a life of their own, they lifted to look at the tree. Without its leaves, the tree was hardly done any justice at all, but in the spring and summer, it was a mighty sight to be hold. Its branches reached all around it, down to the ground and up toward the sky. There was no where more fitting for Enelya to be buried; she was near life, near the thing she had controlled and been so in tune with in life, and Allen knew that tree would protect her even in death. If he couldn’t be her knight anymore, then the earth and all its wonders would have to do it for him.

Finally he stepped closer, kneeling at the side of the grave. He reached out and gently touched the headstone, picking out any traces of dirt or snow from where her name was engraved. A bump formed in his throat as he stared at the name – ‘Enelya Noyvayn Haldis’. She should have been alive to this day, not lying in the ground. Both of them had just barely begun life; it was so unfair that one of them, especially her, be taken away. Allen would have taken her place any day, since he had lived for so much longer. He knew the ways of the world, and even if she had introduced him to a new way of thinking, to a new way of living, he would have traded in all the time he had left just to let her live. He had been delaying death since the 1400s; surely it was well past his time, when Enelya had seen so little…

“It isn’t fair…” Allen whispered quietly to her grave, drawing his hand away from the grave to fold his hands in his lap. “The children are growing up so fast without you.” He smiled slightly, trying to place where to begin. He knew where he had left off in his stories about Alderic and Adelle. He had made sure to visit her during their birthday week and tell her all the plans he had made for their third year. He inhaled, clenching and unclenching his fist in his own frustration. Talking without hearing an answer was so difficult, and in a way, he felt foolish beyond belief. Before Enelya, he never would have made periodic visits to a grave to talk about how life was going. It seemed almost cruel to do that.

But Enelya was his wife and the mother of his children. There was no one alive who deserved to hear more about them than her. “Alderic’s showing signs of being able to talk to animals…” Though his voice sounded mostly happy, there was a slight hint of sadness. “It’s great that he got that from you… I just wish you were here to help him because I have no idea how to handle it myself.” At this point Allen laughed, feeling almost hopeless. He could never be complete without her; their family could never be complete without her. There was no one who could ever take her place in his heart, in his memories. As long as he lived, there would never be another woman to grace this earth like Enelya. “We all miss you so much…” he whispered quietly. There was such a depth to his feelings that he didn’t even have the proper words to express himself. “I love you, Enelya…”

Allen sniffed, trying to hold back a flood of emotions. Living without her was proving to be so very hard… it was almost unbearable. The only thing that kept him going everyday were the kids… and coffee held a small part in it, too.

Allen was silent, his eyes closed and his right hand covering his eyes. The simple act of sitting near the grave was tearing him apart. He loved being near her, but it was so hard to try and explain the twins, life, and everything that was happening without her. It was a one sided conversation, which was ironic. He had hardly talked at all when they met, and when he did, he was spewing insults. She had been so energetic and full of life, and where was she now? Beneath the ground.

There was a gentle cracking sound that he would have ignored had he not heard it before. Allen lifted his eyes slightly, shock filling him the moment he saw the branches of the trees moving. This had happened but once before… when she had controlled the tree the night they had confessed their love. Disbelief showed on his face as he watched. He didn’t know what else to feel until he saw her feet climbing down the branch… and at that moment, Allen almost felt like he was choking. The air wasn’t going down to his lungs, he couldn’t feel his heart beat, and in that one moment, all bodily functions had seemed to pause.

He didn’t know how to react. Allen stared up at her, so afraid that he was imagining it. It wouldn’t surprise him at all if she was nothing more than the hallucination of a man gone mad with despair. If that was what she was, though, then she wouldn’t have looked different. A white dress covered her body, and her once magnificent blue hair had paled to white. She was far more graceful than before, and looked so much older… it frightened him. But no matter how much about her had changed, he knew in an instant who it was – Enelya.

The man moved slightly to stand up, but his knees froze. He was left there on the ground, kneeling at her gravestone, looking up at her. He reached out his arm to touch her before recoiling; would touching her make her go away again? It might prove that she wasn’t there, and even if she wasn’t real, he didn’t think he could bear to let her go away again. Allen’s anguish was put to rest immediately the moment she touched him, however. Her gentle touch put his mind at ease so quickly that he didn’t even think it was possible.

“My god…” he said quietly, resting his hand on top of hers and holding it tightly. He didn’t want to let her go ever again, but at the same time, he was so afraid that holding her too tightly would crush her. She had been dead, after all… dead people weren’t supposed to come back to life. Here she was, though, standing before him.

She began to move away, and at that moment, Allen hopelessly stumbled back up to his feet. If she was going away, he was going with her. “Don’t go,” he pleaded, even though she had only taken a few steps away from him. He noticed that her feet didn’t even leave prints, and for a moment, he pondered his sanity. He would have thought she would leave some trace of living…

“I… Who are you?”

“Allen Haldis,” he said quickly without even thinking. Then it sunk in; she didn’t remember him. Despair etched across his features as the thought sunk in. “My god, Enelya, you have to remember!” He looked at her, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her as close to him as he could without the fear of hurting her. His left hand held the back of her head, his fingers becoming entwined with her hair, while his right hand rested on her back. “Oh my god, oh my god, I thought I lost you!” His voice cracked; it was just too emotional of a moment for him to stop it. “I’m your husband! You have to remember me! Come on, Plant Lady, you’ve gotta remember your Tin Man!”

He looked at her lavender eyes, his own brown ones taking on a moist appearance as he looked at her. Allen simply stared at her, trying to swallow the lump in his throat that threatened to make him start sobbing. It didn’t matter if she didn’t remember him, really, as long as she was here, as long as she was alive! They could make new memories, do new things, and fall in love all over again! “Don’t ever leave me again, please…” Allen begged again, not caring how desperate he sounded. her, he was completely lost and was nothing. Living without Enelya was like trying to breathe underwater – a brave thing to attempt, but in the end… it wasn’t possible.

Every word he said seemed to be going in one ear and out the other. She was looking at him as though she had no idea what he was talking about, and even in his arms, she didn’t appear all too comfortable. Even so, Allen refused to let go. Maybe a few more moments of embracing her would jog her memory. Besides, if he let go and she left him… he just didn’t even want to think about what he would do.

He felt her push against him, almost as if she was trying to get away. Allen was incredulous that she had completely forgotten him. It had been three years and she was supposed to be dead, but even so, hadn’t they been stronger than that? They had been so inseparable that he couldn’t believe she hadn’t recollected him right away.

“I… I… I’m sorry about your pain… You must have loved her very much…”

“I still do,” Allen said, correcting her use of the past tense. He had always loved her, even before they had met. It was how fate worked; he would always love Enelya, in life and beyond. She was really the one true love of his life, no matter what happened to either of them. “I love you, Enelya, I always will!” He had no idea what it would take to help her remember. Though he would be fine with making new memories and falling in love all over again, things would be so much less complicated if she could just remember. Then he wouldn’t have to explain to the twins that their mother was alive but didn’t know any of them. Oh, that would break their little hearts… he couldn’t do that. He didn’t understand, but he would live with it – Alderic and Adelle, on the other hand, probably wouldn’t.

Nothing he said seemed to work. It was all in vain… and he didn’t want to scare her by keeping her so close. Allen released her, looking away and biting his lip. He had managed to never scare her when he was mean, and yet when he was trying to show her just how much she meant to him, she was afraid. It was scary how the world worked like that. It was true that she didn’t remember him, but he wasn’t insane; he wouldn’t ever dream of hurting Enelya or doing something she wouldn’t like. She just… didn’t know that.

“Do you… can you… remember anything?” Anything would be fine. It didn’t matter if it was about the ocean, that kid that had left her on her own before he had come into the picture, the wedding, the birth of the twins, anything. As long as there was something, there was hope that he could expand on it and bring her memories back to her. He wasn’t going to consider this a lost cause… not when it was his wife. If he had to, he would bring her back to the house or to the school, or anywhere just to help her. Allen wouldn’t abandon her, especially now that she needed help.

“I…”

Allen looked at her as she fell into the snow, examining her to make sure she was all right. As soon as she spoke, a slightly hopeful look came to his face. Had she thought of something? When she didn’t continue, the immortal man cleared his throat, deciding to ask instead of letting the unfinished statement go unreplied to. “What is it?” he asked, unsure of what he should expect as a response. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but at the same time… he simply couldn’t help himself.

“Even if I can’t remember you?”

That was such a silly question, but Allen grinned all the same. “Even if I’d never met you,” he said quietly. It didn’t matter if she couldn’t remember him. Yes, maybe it put a slight damper on things, but the most important thing was that she was alive. At least now he could see her face, hug her, touch her… talk to her. There were few reasons to get up in the morning when Enelya had been dead. Now that she was alive, Allen had at least part of his world back. Now all he had to do was help her see things the way she used to. Enelya had reminded him what it was like to love; it was time for him to repay the favor.

A few tears streamed down her face, and without thinking, Allen reached his thumb out and wiped them away. “I don’t mean to make you cry…” Everything seemed to be his fault when it came to her pain. He didn’t know the exact reason she was crying, but he was sure that it had to be out of frustration or confusion. Had he not come here today, she would have lived without knowing him, and thus, saved herself tears. He’d always had a way of complicating things for other people.

“I don’t want you to think I’m something I’m not… I’m sorry…”

“You’ve never disappointed me before,” Allen told her honestly. Enelya had always proved to be more than he had ever expected. That first day on the beach, he had thought she was just another rebellious teenager trying to find themselves in this world, and she had turned out to be someone so completely different. He never would have thought the blue-haired, purple-eyed, tattooed girl he had met that day would turn out to be the love of his life. “You always end up being much more than I expect.”

Every single word he said was sincere. It was so easy to be honest with her, so easy to talk to her; it was part of her charm. She had always been so welcoming and accepting, and as a result of that, was the only person on the entire campus who knew what had really happened to him in the past. Of course, she didn’t know it now, but at one point she had… and at one point, she would remember. At one point, Allen was determined she would remember everything.

“I… Can hear crying children…”

Allen contemplated the two possibilities that immediately raced through his mind. Either they were the cries of the people that had lived in her village long ago, or the cries she remembered were the cries of their children. She had died after giving birth to them, so it almost made sense for them to be the last thing she knew about her past life. Though her village was just as important, the twins had been far more recent and much more important in her life at that point. “Our children…?” he suggested, unintentionally forming the words into a question. The notion of being a mother might scare her, especially since she didn’t even know who he was, but he hoped she wouldn’t freak out. One of them freaking out was enough.

“I’m so sorry.”

Allen shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for…” he comforted. It wasn’t her fault that she had died or that she couldn’t remember and was now the victim when she shouldn’t have been. “But you’re worrying me, sitting in the snow like that. You’ll get sick…” The last thing Plant Lady needed was to catch a cold because of the weather. Allen unzipped his jacket and offered it to her, since it would do her far better than it would for him. He was used to harsher winters and temperatures than this.

“I want to remember for you…”

The moment her hand reached out to his cheek, Allen lifted his own hand, placing it gently on top of hers. “You’ve had problems with that memory of yours in the past, but I have faith you’ll remember me.” Allen smirked, although he knew quite well that seeming so full of himself might not be good for her ‘first impression’. “I’ll help you in any way I can.”

“I…I’m a mother?”

It seemed that, even after dying, Enelya was still happy to hear that. She had wanted to be a mother so much in her past life; it would have been a shame for her to change her mind now. Allen simply nodded his head, letting the fact sink in for a moment. It was all so very hard to absorb. She had died, she was somehow alive, she had just found out she was married and had children… Allen knew it had to be overwhelming for her.

“a boy, or girl? What’s their name…? How old…?”

Allen was going to answer when he saw her crying again. He hesitantly reached out and placed an arm around her shoulders. He wanted to kiss her forehead to comfort her, but since he wasn’t quite sure how she would react to the affection, he stopped himself from doing so. “Twins,” he told her. “A boy, Alderic, and a girl, Adelle.” He smiled; she had missed a lot, like first steps and first words, but there was a lot she was still in time for. The first day of school, and Allen knew for a fact he was going to need a lot of help when the troublesome teenage years rolled around. Hopefully his children wouldn’t be as troubled as the kids he saw at school everyday, but in order to keep them ‘normal’, he was going to need Enelya to balance them out. “They’re three.”

“I had a family with you?”

The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “Yeah,” he told her with a chuckle, running a hand through his hair. He hoped that wouldn’t scare her at all. He was a complete stranger and had probably scared her with how he had acted before, so the thought of having a family with him had to be startling. “I’m so happy things can be normal now!”

Allen still couldn’t believe she was back. For three years, he had drifted through the days, lost without her and without motivation. The fact that she was alive still hadn’t sunk in to the full effect just yet, though he was pretty ecstatic. The twins would finally have their mommy, and she couldn’t have come at a better time. They would need their mother, especially now that their powers were developing. He had handled parenting alone for three years, and he knew he couldn’t do it for the rest of… forever.

“I’m cold…”

Allen brought her closer and rubbed her arm. He turned his head away from her slightly before turning back to her with a grin. “Come with me,” he said, his hand slipping down to hers and gently pulling her along. The place wasn’t too far from here. There were so many memories in the forest that it wasn’t surprising he liked to avoid it. There was the grave, the wolf den, and, of course… where he proposed.

He braced himself as he walked right into the spot, glancing behind his shoulder at Enelya. The large, magnificent, clearly old trees still stood, their leafless branches reaching toward the sky for something that wasn’t there. The lake was still there, though a thin layer of ice that was broken in some areas covered the very top. His eyes gazed over the sight, hoping it might jog something in Plant Lady’s memory. The place where he had asked her to marry him had to have some significance to her. “Do you like it…?” he asked her tentatively, not wanting to outright tell her the place should be familiar. Allen wanted to see if she could figure it out on her own.