Pain Behind The Blue Eyes

He nodded to what she said, start at the beginning or state the source, he leaned against the wall and slid down it with a sigh. He sat there quietly as he sorted through his thoughts, "my father's name was Jacobi....he....dedicated his life to helping others." He shook his head and chuckled, "I've tried to live like that....but it's not easy."

He looked at her, "he created something....it would have helped so many people." He closed his eyes the memories flooding back, "it was meant to cure diseases.....others...saw it as a way if turning people into weapons."

@Nightstripe

He felt her take his hand, he nodded as she asked if something happened, "his name was Jonathan Alistair, he was a general in the British military." He shook his head, "he wanted what my father made, its was a genetic process."

"My grandfather was also a general, he used my father as bait, in the hopes of....exposing illegal experiments Alistair was doing," he gritted his teeth in anger at both Alistair and his own grandfather.

"Alistair and his men......," he had just had a flashback about this. He had told a few others about this, but his PTSD wasn't as bad then, "he came to our home....dragged me outside and made watch....as they burnt oue house down with my family.....inside."

He closed his eyes, as it all came back, his breathing became ragged as the flashback hit, he could feel heat of the fire on his face, hear the screams of his family.

His eyes jerked open as the flashback ended, "they took me....used my fathers process on me....two years of experiments and training." He was starting to shake a bit, "they turned me into a weapon......"

@Nightstripe

He listened quietly as she spoke, he processed what she said, "they got in my head.....controlled me....made me do....awful things."

He remembered their faces, and some of the names of the people he killed, the general he assassinated, all the while Alistair pulling the strings of his mind. "People as...why I can't move on..," he shook his head, "it's because.....I don't deserve a life...I don't deserve my friends and I don't deserve...to be with the girl I'm dating."

His left hand trembled a bit as the guilt hit him, none of it was his fsult, but he still bore the guilt, "I don't deserve a second chance."

@Nightstripe

He closed his eyes as she spoke, he listened to everything she said, "the people were..innocent good people. They...don't get to...live there live....how can I when they cant?"

He looked at her, "my father's process was never stable...he worked on it for years." He closed his eyes, he didn't want to break down, "he was a doctor, we had no reason to go to anyone else for medical stuff. He discovered that I have a unique gene, a gene that could make his process work." He went silent for a moment, "my gene...it all happened because I was born different."

@Nightstripe

He looked at her, it wasn't his fault, this was true, "those people suffered....because I was weak enough to be controlled." He closed his eyes, remembering the faces the innocent people he hurt, "if..I was stronger..I could have broken their control earlier...and those good people would have been left alone." Tears silently streamed fron his eyes, he quickly wiped them away and fought to hold anymore back.

He looked over at her as she looked at her cards, "what do they mean?"

@Nightstripe

He looked at her, it wasn't his fault, this was true, "those people suffered....because I was weak enough to be controlled." He closed his eyes, remembering the faces the innocent people he hurt, "if..I was stronger..I could have broken their control earlier...and those good people would have been left alone." Tears silently streamed fron his eyes, he quickly wiped them away and fought to hold anymore back.

He looked over at her as she looked at her cards, "what do they mean?"

@Nightstripe