I'm Killing Loneliness with You

The ballroom was empty this time of night.

Just like the last time, he'd cut his hand and drawn a circle on the floor. In the circle of the floor was a book, just like last time. He was drunk, too, just like last time.


This time, the symbols were perfect. The moonlight that fell in through the center of the room illuminated the book perfectly. It smelled faintly of vanilla and buttercream and a knife rested on top of it. It lacked the pompous flare of a ritual knife and instead seemed better suited for cutting cake.

He was drunk, but he didn't seem it. Lochlann was sitting in the circle with his back to the door.

Waiting.

He'd summoned her, but unlike last time, he just mailed her a letter. It was a year to this day.

"Hey," Lochlann said. He didn't turn around when she entered, but he did make a motion like he was ready to pick himself up off of the floor.

Lochlann licked his lips and considered the best way to answer her question. He tapped his finger across the summoning circle on the floor.

"I barely remember the night you came here," Lochlann said. "But I haven't forgotten the date."

He leaned forward into his napsack and removed five white candles. He lit one candle, then used that to light the remaining ones and put them on the appropriate places on the circle. If anything, it just demonstrated that Lochlann had been paying attention in class. Holding the last candle, he walked towards Chloe. The small flame flickered between them and deepened the bruises beneath his eyes and darkened the shadows between them.

One hand has behind his back and the knife was obscured from view.

"Bringing you here was a mistake," he said. "But I don't regret it."

Lochlann brought his hand from behind his back and handed her the small box wrapped with a lime green bow.

"Happy summoning day," he said.

"Well..." Lochlann shifted from foot to foot and looked at the ground. His dark hair obscured his face for just a moment, before he looked up. It was getting long and he was overdue for a haircut.

"I don't know your birthday," Lochlann confessed. "And this is selfish of me. I've never stayed at a school this long without getting expelled. Being friends with you for an entire year is important to me because it means I've gone this long without fucking up with someone good in my life. You make me happy, Chloe, and I wanted to try and make you happy, too."

That was the most words he'd spoken in a while. Lochlann looked back up over the candle at her and took in the way the light flickered over her face. Christ, she was pretty, but that's not why Lochlann liked her. He could see why he'd mistake her for a succubus though.

"Open it later," he said. "We've got cake to eat."

Lochlann pointed to the spell book in the center of the summoning circle and gave Chloe an honest to god smile.

"I promise, I didn't get angelsfoodcake."

"I'm pretty biased--I think all cake is pretty good, although it's very sweet," Lochlann said. He was sitting indian-style on the floor next to the bookshaped cake and was beginning to cut a slice for Chloe. He procured two small paper plates and two forks from his bookbag, along with a small stack of napkins, and a bottle of red wine. He arranged a plate for Chloe and passed it to her, then did the same for himself.

The room was quiet and almost chilly this time of night. Lochlann sat closer to Chloe without thinking about it. His body was warm, although it was not feverish as it had been the night she'd found him after his bender. A lot had happened between then and now. Lochlann wondered how much he was keeping from her. He wondered why he was the most honest with her. He wondered why he always wanted to brush her hair back behind her ears.

"No," Lochlann said. "I already have the demon that I wanted."

He reached up to touch her face, cupping her cheek in his hand just like he did right before he passed out when she was draining him. This time, he did push her hair back behind her ear. He studied her eyes.

He said, "I think It might have worked if I did it this time. I spent a lot of time reading those books. I'll never be a magician or a sorcerer. Did you know some water horses can do magic, though? There's a lot of stories about it."

Lochlann was pleased that she seemed surprised that the book was a cake. He perked up right away, his shoulders dropping and then lifting back up. His eyes seemed brighter, too, even though they still had the glassy look he got some times.

"Yes!" he said. He was excited and it did not escape his voice. "There's a bakery downtown that makes them like this. I like that they taste as good as they look, too. What do you think? Do you like it?"

His fingers were still in her hair and when she laughed, Lochlann felt it in his fingertips. The corners of his eyes softened. Gods, he loved that laugh.

"I think that you are the demon that I wanted back then, too," Lochlann said. He fidgeted for a moment. His eyes dropped down to the ground and he studied her knees intently. "I wanted sex, yes, but mostly I just wanted not to hurt people, and you gave that to me."

He looked back up at her and realized she was blushing. Lochlann wondered why--after all, what she did to him once or twice a week sometimes felt more intimate than sex. She was the only person he'd been able to hold without worrying about hurting.....although he still worried.

He was studying her face unabashed.

He shifted closer to her and it put her within his range but Lochlann did not move to kiss. The thought was there, but it was not on the forefront of his brain. He was thinking about how lovely the shadows played across her face and how he wondered what the future had in store for her. He was wondering what she tasted like.

Lochlann swallowed.

His eyes were on his lips.

He said, "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if things went that way?"