I Like Long Walks on the Beach
- Thread starter Sarrain
- Start date
"We might went to get out of the shower first, but yeah, I'd like to know what the Hell is going on in that head of yours."
"Alright love." He'd give a light sigh, this was coming eventually, he was just dreading it. He was happy to tell Eli anything, she wanted openness between them and that was something Mal was happy to supply. He'd turn his head back to the water, letting it drown his senses for a few minutes.
Eliana stood, reached around him and turned the water off. He looked like he was going to a funeral with the frown he wore. It made her frown too. She reached out and got them both towels, drying off quickly, and wrapping the towel around herself before heading out to sit on the bed. She didn't bother getting dressed. "Okay...So?"
He'd grab the towel and dry his torso off, heading out to the bedroom. He wrapped the towel around his waist when he thought his top half was dry enough and sat on the bed next to her. He didn't make eye contact, looking directly at the wall as he spoke.
"So the reason for, well, a lot of things I guess is this story. My stance with death, my lack of concern self preservation, and the blue rose petals. Starting is always the difficult part, the story is straight forward but it is a heavy story."
Mal would slowly bring his hands together, rubbing them slowly as he remembered the sensation of what happened. "So, three years ago, my sophomore year of highschool, it was a Friday, in March actually. I came home from school, as usual it seemed like a good start for a weekend."
"It being Friday, my mother was probably asleep, resting before going to work as she usually did on these days. So I quietly got into my house, and I noticed something, there was an active conversation between my mother and a male voice I didn't recognize. Instead of intruding I'd decide to eavesdrop, creeping closer to the kitchen where they were talking I could hear that this man was trying to get money from my mom."
His face was sad, sporting the thousand-yard-stare of a battle weary soldier as he recalled the day. "I have no idea why he thought we would be able to give him anything, my exact thoughts at that moment actually. Then I heard my mother say his name, a name that has eluded me for my entire life. Tom, my genetic father's name, the man who abandoned my mother when she found out she was pregnant, the man who stole and lied and cheated his way through life."
"As you can imagine I wasn't pleased, my body was shaking as anger, and betrayal and so many other emotions were swirling within me. But I didn't move, even in that teenage year I wasn't going to act rashly, which is characteristic for me. But that soon fell away, because the conversation grew heated and in a split second I heard a sound, the sound of flesh to flesh, the distinctive blunt sound of a hand hitting someone." His arms would be shaking every few moments, betraying the emotions he was hiding behind his calm face.
"He hit her, my mother, one of the few people on this Earth I had, I stormed into the room when I heard the sounds and she was on the ground and he was above her. He was turning to look at me, thinking back to it now there were so many emotions on his face, surprise, shock, the remains of anger, sadness, maybe even regret. But I didn't think twice about it, my mind went white with rage and I tackled him, bringing him to the ground, I wanted to hurt him, and I did what came instinctively."
"As you know, my powers border reality, they're all about perception, I create illusions of the mind that are real as long as they're seen as real. But that also means I have powers that affect the mind is one way or another, and there I did this. I placed my hands on his head, and I reached within his mind, I saw scraps of his life, his emotions, pieces of him. I found the core of his mind, his psyche I suppose, I held it within my hands and I-" Tears would start to stream down Mal's face silently, his voice breaking on occasion here and there.
"I broke it, I exerted as much mental force as I could onto it and I snapped it in half, I broke him, his mind and it felt amazing. And it made a sound that echoed through my mind, for weeks I heard it in my dreams, it was only a few seconds but it was so many things at once. It was a collection of sounds, bones breaking, demons howling, sadness of all his years, and screams all his."
"When I came to, back to reality that is, I saw him, blankly staring at me, no emotion in his eyes no thoughts stirring behind him, his face was blank and his breathing slow, but he was dead inside. I crawled away from him, scared out of my mind, I saw my mother, horror on her face for a few seconds but she hid it and called the police. The next few hours was a blur, the police and an ambulance were there, asked me questions, asked my mother questions, and took Tom away. Days later we heard from them, they said it was some kind of stroke, almost no brain activity other than the basics required to breath. But I knew, I started visiting him, in that hospital bed of his, I'd bring him a flower, every time I visited, after school, on Fridays. I'd bring him blue roses, his favorite color, my mother's favorite flower, she once told me he brought her those on their first date."
His hands would clench into fists, Mal dropping his gaze, closing his eyes. "My subconscious, my conscious, I can't forget that day. I promised him that I would come back one day and fix him, I'd put him back together."
"So the reason for, well, a lot of things I guess is this story. My stance with death, my lack of concern self preservation, and the blue rose petals. Starting is always the difficult part, the story is straight forward but it is a heavy story."
Mal would slowly bring his hands together, rubbing them slowly as he remembered the sensation of what happened. "So, three years ago, my sophomore year of highschool, it was a Friday, in March actually. I came home from school, as usual it seemed like a good start for a weekend."
"It being Friday, my mother was probably asleep, resting before going to work as she usually did on these days. So I quietly got into my house, and I noticed something, there was an active conversation between my mother and a male voice I didn't recognize. Instead of intruding I'd decide to eavesdrop, creeping closer to the kitchen where they were talking I could hear that this man was trying to get money from my mom."
His face was sad, sporting the thousand-yard-stare of a battle weary soldier as he recalled the day. "I have no idea why he thought we would be able to give him anything, my exact thoughts at that moment actually. Then I heard my mother say his name, a name that has eluded me for my entire life. Tom, my genetic father's name, the man who abandoned my mother when she found out she was pregnant, the man who stole and lied and cheated his way through life."
"As you can imagine I wasn't pleased, my body was shaking as anger, and betrayal and so many other emotions were swirling within me. But I didn't move, even in that teenage year I wasn't going to act rashly, which is characteristic for me. But that soon fell away, because the conversation grew heated and in a split second I heard a sound, the sound of flesh to flesh, the distinctive blunt sound of a hand hitting someone." His arms would be shaking every few moments, betraying the emotions he was hiding behind his calm face.
"He hit her, my mother, one of the few people on this Earth I had, I stormed into the room when I heard the sounds and she was on the ground and he was above her. He was turning to look at me, thinking back to it now there were so many emotions on his face, surprise, shock, the remains of anger, sadness, maybe even regret. But I didn't think twice about it, my mind went white with rage and I tackled him, bringing him to the ground, I wanted to hurt him, and I did what came instinctively."
"As you know, my powers border reality, they're all about perception, I create illusions of the mind that are real as long as they're seen as real. But that also means I have powers that affect the mind is one way or another, and there I did this. I placed my hands on his head, and I reached within his mind, I saw scraps of his life, his emotions, pieces of him. I found the core of his mind, his psyche I suppose, I held it within my hands and I-" Tears would start to stream down Mal's face silently, his voice breaking on occasion here and there.
"I broke it, I exerted as much mental force as I could onto it and I snapped it in half, I broke him, his mind and it felt amazing. And it made a sound that echoed through my mind, for weeks I heard it in my dreams, it was only a few seconds but it was so many things at once. It was a collection of sounds, bones breaking, demons howling, sadness of all his years, and screams all his."
"When I came to, back to reality that is, I saw him, blankly staring at me, no emotion in his eyes no thoughts stirring behind him, his face was blank and his breathing slow, but he was dead inside. I crawled away from him, scared out of my mind, I saw my mother, horror on her face for a few seconds but she hid it and called the police. The next few hours was a blur, the police and an ambulance were there, asked me questions, asked my mother questions, and took Tom away. Days later we heard from them, they said it was some kind of stroke, almost no brain activity other than the basics required to breath. But I knew, I started visiting him, in that hospital bed of his, I'd bring him a flower, every time I visited, after school, on Fridays. I'd bring him blue roses, his favorite color, my mother's favorite flower, she once told me he brought her those on their first date."
His hands would clench into fists, Mal dropping his gaze, closing his eyes. "My subconscious, my conscious, I can't forget that day. I promised him that I would come back one day and fix him, I'd put him back together."
"Why?" Eliana asked, voice hard. "Why would you put someone like that back together? They wronged you. They crossed you. He deserves nothing." A produce of her father's culture, perhaps. Eli really couldn't comprehend his sadness over this. That man deserved to die. If you cross someone, and you're killed, it was your own fault.
She wondered why Mal had thought this was a terrible thing. Humans were such odd things. Eli had never fully understood them. It had taken her years to admit that; she had wanted to pretend that because she grew up with them, she should have been smart enough to know all about them. How they felt. Why they felt. It took her years with her real family to learn that humans were just emotional, often fragile beings. It was both very endearing and frustration.
'If you brought him back, do you think he would have learned his lesson? Doubtful. Do not give your enemies a second chance to ruin you or yours. The strong survive, as they say."
He'd sigh softly, she rose a good point, it was something he had often thought on himself. "I-I don't know, to be honest I don't know why I need to do that. It's a redemption thing I suppose."
"I absolutely do not regret what I did to him, he brought it on himself, he had it coming one day or another." He brought his eyes up, looking at the ceiling, flattening his hands out onto the bed.
"But the severity of what I did, it's not okay, I'm not sure if you're going to be able to follow this dear but I'll try my best to explain it. There's lines that aren't meant to be crossed, in the human world at least, that once crossed it changes you, changes the person you are. These are unspoken but some are just known by people, killing I suppose is one of those lines."
He'd wipe away the tears on his face, his voice was calm and collected as he slowly pieced together his thoughts, "When I did that to him, I crossed a line that no one has crossed before. I destroyed what it was to be a sentient living being, I destroyed his mind and soul, and in that instance I felt like I lost a bit of who I was, like there was a part of me that stirred in the void afterwards. I said it felt good, and I mean that, it felt amazing in the most primal way, and part of wanted to do it again, to feel it again, to taste the essence of the mind as it's destroyed."
"To me, that act brought a monster I never knew I could have turned into, into the light and it scares me to this day. The reason I stay to only the physical side of my powers is due to that. If I can put him back together some day, bring him back from where I've left him then maybe I can reclaim that part of me, that confidence in my humanity, and keep that fear of what I could turn into away."
"I absolutely do not regret what I did to him, he brought it on himself, he had it coming one day or another." He brought his eyes up, looking at the ceiling, flattening his hands out onto the bed.
"But the severity of what I did, it's not okay, I'm not sure if you're going to be able to follow this dear but I'll try my best to explain it. There's lines that aren't meant to be crossed, in the human world at least, that once crossed it changes you, changes the person you are. These are unspoken but some are just known by people, killing I suppose is one of those lines."
He'd wipe away the tears on his face, his voice was calm and collected as he slowly pieced together his thoughts, "When I did that to him, I crossed a line that no one has crossed before. I destroyed what it was to be a sentient living being, I destroyed his mind and soul, and in that instance I felt like I lost a bit of who I was, like there was a part of me that stirred in the void afterwards. I said it felt good, and I mean that, it felt amazing in the most primal way, and part of wanted to do it again, to feel it again, to taste the essence of the mind as it's destroyed."
"To me, that act brought a monster I never knew I could have turned into, into the light and it scares me to this day. The reason I stay to only the physical side of my powers is due to that. If I can put him back together some day, bring him back from where I've left him then maybe I can reclaim that part of me, that confidence in my humanity, and keep that fear of what I could turn into away."
"You've already crossed the line, though. Why go back? What kind of redemption is bringing back a man who'll just cause trouble? He got what he deserved. Leave him to rot."
Eliana grew more frustrated as he spoke. It all sounded so...restricting. It seemed many unspoken rules of humans were that way. Sex. Partying. Drinking. Speaking freely. Everything about them had to be in moderation, or you were labeled.
'Trying to pretend like that monster isn't there by hiding it just seems silly to me. Why hide something like that? It's in you. That's why you did what you did, and there was nothing wrong with that. I wonder why your culture enjoys lying to themselves? I mean, sure, I'm a liar, but in the most honest way. I admit to it. All the terrible things I do, the fun I have doing it, but somehow that brands me a weirdo? What harm do you really think it brought to your world to take away his sentience? If he were walking around right now -- if you'd let him go; what do you think he'd have contributed to the world?"
She wasn't angry, not really, but she couldn't understand it, and she had this weird feeling in her stomach as if it was just expected that her people, the demons didn't get it, the error of their ways. What if they weren't wrong, though? What then? Why was her belief somehow wrong and all the self-delusion humans gave themselves was somehow the right way to live?
Even here, in Manta Carlos, they were outsiders among the outsiders. This didn't make her feel left out, but it was irritating to her that so many of these people couldn't understand that her culture was merely freeing. It wasn't wrong, or sick, it just was, and there was nothing wrong with that.
Mal would lay back on the bed thinking about her words, she raised many good points but her thinking seemed different than Mal's.
"I get that to you human society and rules are weird, you are more free with what you do and what you want to do. Going away with the rules of society, I suppose it's just how I feel, I don't want that to be what defines me."
Mal had several thoughts on her words but he didn't want to say anything that could offend her, guess that was another difference between them. "I don't want that aspect of me to take control again, I don't want myself to fall to it, to be consumed, to turn into that."
"In the long run, Tom and I are the same in ways, the human view, and in shinto tradition, there is always a way to change. There is always a way to fix what you've done and to atone for it. There's nothing saying I have to, nothing saying that Tom would, but if I were to go back and put him back together, I would feel better." He'd turn to Eli, laying on his side, letting out a small sigh.
"Maybe you're right, maybe I'm just flawed in the way I think about things."
"I get that to you human society and rules are weird, you are more free with what you do and what you want to do. Going away with the rules of society, I suppose it's just how I feel, I don't want that to be what defines me."
Mal had several thoughts on her words but he didn't want to say anything that could offend her, guess that was another difference between them. "I don't want that aspect of me to take control again, I don't want myself to fall to it, to be consumed, to turn into that."
"In the long run, Tom and I are the same in ways, the human view, and in shinto tradition, there is always a way to change. There is always a way to fix what you've done and to atone for it. There's nothing saying I have to, nothing saying that Tom would, but if I were to go back and put him back together, I would feel better." He'd turn to Eli, laying on his side, letting out a small sigh.
"Maybe you're right, maybe I'm just flawed in the way I think about things."
Eli really couldn't wrap her head around it. This must be why so many of them died. They let their enemies walk free. She knew there would be no point in fighting it with him; he seemed like he'd made up his mind.
"I just...it doesn't make sense to me. You offend people and they hurt you, it's what happens. Take, for instance, I left for Ireland for three years, yeah? That was a mistake on my part. I should be glad so many of my family members accepted me back. That was kind of them."