Private Finished I don't deserve...

Hope the Bard

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Yuki sobbed big, ugly sobs as he sprinted, blind, out of the community center. His breath came in ragged gasps, choking him as he gasped. He looked like an absolute fool, but he didn't care - he was one.
"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!!!!" He whispered, squeezing his eyes tight as he ran.

Why was he crying? He didn't deserve it. Other people had gone through worse. Other people had worse things done to them. Other people had to suffer through so much more than he had. He wasn't allowed to cry. He wasn't allowed to feel sadness. He was rich; he had a family; he had friends...
He didn't deserve anything. This stupid body of his kept leaking tears all over the place, bringing shame to himself, bringing shame to his family, bringing shame to everyone around him. He didn't deserve to feel down. He didn't deserve to cry. He didn't deserve to whine.
And yet he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. And so he ran. He ran deep into the woods, into the trails, away. Anywhere but here. He could hear Gabe calling after him, but he couldn't face him. Not now. He couldn't burden him any further. He didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve his kindness. He didn't deserve his friendship.

He tripped on a root and tumbled down the undergrowth, sobbing louder as he went. It hurt. He was scared. He hated himself. Everything needed to disappear... or maybe he should disappear.

@ArcanaFate
 

ArcanaFate

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The feeling of panic, true fear, was something that Gabe had felt many times growing up. Committing his first major assault, seeing his friend Diego covered in cuts and bruises, his first major brush with heroes and being set on fire from the conflict... It always resonated with him and hung in his chest. Chasing after his new friend who was in the middle of a spiraling panic attack had set off that feeling once again and it never got any easier. Every time he yelled for Yuki to stop and watching the boy try to get farther away was driving him crazy. Despite not being in Halcyon anymore, there never seemed to be an end to people suffering from their demons.

As the white-haired boy made his way into the woods, Gabe could almost cry from happiness. The forest, surrounded by nature? This was Gabriel's domain and catching up to Yuki would be so much easier. He pulled from nature around him, forming that ever-familiar tree armor that had kept him safe in Halcyon. Shooting up over three feet in height did make it a bit more difficult to maneuver through the woods but it just felt easier to manipulate plant-life when he was surrounded by it. Gabe continued his sprint, eyes widening as Yuki fell into the undergrowth. He could hear the sobs from the boy and Gabe would leap onto the trees to get a better view before coming full force into the ground over his friend to create an almost canopy-like protection from anything above.

"No more running, please." Gabe wheezed through the wooden helm, his voice sounding distorted and somewhat monstrous as he spoke.
 

Hope the Bard

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Yuki yelped as something big landed over him. Was this it? Was this the end? Mauled to death by some supernatural tree monster? A fitting end, he supposed, although he'd have preferred something more dignified than having his body found in some ditch. Oh, well... he deserved it. He curled up in a ball on instinct, hiding his face.

Until he realised it was Gabe. Oh, no. He couldn't. "Don't look at me!" He screamed, pressing his hands harder to his face as he grew more and more hysterical. "Don't look don't look don't look don't look don't look!!!!"

This was so shameful he could die. Please, any divine beings up there... let him die right now...it hurt...it hurt so much... the pain was choking. It was strangling him. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. He was ruined. Tarnished. Stained. He gasped and sobbed, curling up tighter and tighter. What did he do? He couldn't breathe — he was seriously going to die. He didn't want to die...! His panic attacks had never been this bad before — his chest felt squeezed tight as if a vice were clamping down on it. His entire body trembled. His head swam. Everything was fading... Gabe's voice... he couldn't hear it anymore... His vision...his hands fell from his face as he succumbed to the darkness. He couldn't...

Yuki's body fell limp, his systems trying to recover from the severe hyperventilation.
 

ArcanaFate

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Well, being screamed at wasn't entirely expected. But at the same time, Yuki was in the middle of a panic attack so him freaking out shouldn't be surprising. Gabe felt a tightness in his chest as the white-haired boy shrunk in on himself in the middle of his breakdown. He looked so delicate as if he would literally shatter if Gabe so much as breathed on him. Eventually, Yuki would just go limp from exhaustion and the plant manipulator quickly shed his wooden armor to reach for his now unconscious friend.

"Hey dude, I gotcha. This is not how I wanted tonight to go... Or really, any of my friendships to go. I suppose I just latch onto broken people..." He muttered to no one as he knelt down. The snow and mud was beginning to dampen his pants so he quickly pulled Yuki up to the best of his ability and dragged him to a less damp area where he could lay comfortably. With a small huff from the physical labor, Gabe sat down next to his friend and watched and waited. Hopefully Yuki would wake up soon. Otherwise, Gabe was going to have to carry him back to town because waiting for emergency services to come find the pair would leave them as a pair of popsicles.
 

Hope the Bard

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A few minutes later, Yuki's blood pressure had returned to normal as carbon dioxide flowed back into his system. If he were in his right mind, Yuki might have been curious as to why carbon dioxide helped regulate blood pressure and why it was important in our systems, but right now it was all he could do to open his eyes. And they opened unto a sight causing him pure misery.

"Why...?" he moaned, barely able to keep a coherent string of words together. He tried shifting his body, but all he could do was move his fingers a bit. His head seemed to be able to move enough, though, so he looked up at Gabe with the a look of pure self-loathing. "Why... why did you do that?" He wanted to cry, but his body was all out of tears. His snot had dried on his face, and his eyes were bloodshot. His jacket was soaked through from the snow his body heat had melted, and his scarf was all muddied. He was filthy.

"Why? Why are you doing this to me...?" He was tired. He couldn't bring himself to shout. He couldn't bring himself to cry. He was just so drained. "You don't deserve this. You shouldn't have to chase after me. You should...you should never have spoken to me in the first place. And then...maybe none of this would have happened. I... Gabe, I'm sorry..." He whispered. He didn't want to hurt his friend but he needed to understand.

It was so embarrassing. It was so shameful. Boys weren't meant to cry. Boys were supposed to be strong, to fight for themselves, to stand up and roll with the punches. "It's so disgraceful. I keep crying like a child and telling you all of my problems, but yours have been so much worse. And yet you just keep giving... there has to be people out there who deserve you. Who deserve your friendship." The white-haired boy managed to bring himself to a sitting position slowly, with much effort. He couldn't bring himself to look Gabe in the eyes anymore.

"So...why me?"
 
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ArcanaFate

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Gabe tried his best to give a reassuring smile to the slowly waking Yuki but felt his chest get tight as the boy lamented on Gabe trying to help him. Why was he pushing so hard for Yuki? Was it out of simple kindness? A need to be a hero? Or something more selfish? The plant user hadn't thought about it too hard but there was a feeling in the back of his head that Yuki wasn't the only one with unsolved issues.

"I... it's complicated. I don't have a straightforward answer. You're my friend, I made you cry and you ran. I'm... tired of friends disappearing. Tired of losing people I care about. Living in fear of... everything." Gabe's vision blurred slightly and he wiped his eyes and looked to Yuki.

"And you don't know what I deserve, Yuki. You don't know the things I've done, the people I hurt. I joke about being a bad guy, but..." He trailed off, biting his lip and exhaling loudly through his nose.

"Look, the point is, I'm glad you're okay. Seeing you sprint off like that was scary as hell. Another thing, friendship isn't "deserved". If we're talking about who deserves friends, it's you. You're kind, you're polite, you're a good person who has put up with years of abuse by your peers for stupid reasons. You weren't cruel, or a criminal. You didn't hurt people for gain. You weren't a monster..."

Gabe sighed and looked to Yuki. "C'mon, let's get out of here. It's gonna get colder the longer we sit."
 

Hope the Bard

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"You... you didn't make me cry. I did." He whispered. He couldn't butt in, though. At the very least, his friend deserved to be able to talk without interruption. He nodded, listening to what Gabe had to say. But it all sounded so wrong.

What could he even say to that? Gabe wasn't a monster; he couldn't be. No monster could be that kind. No monster could be that supportive. No monster could make someone face the worst of themselves and still be there to help them overcome it. He was a good person. He had to know that.
Gabe had been nothing if not good to Yuki.
And that's why it hurt. Even though Yuki was showing Gabe the most horrible parts of himself, his weakness, his immaturity, his pain... Gabe hadn't pushed him away or told him he was wrong for doing so. He'd encouraged it. He'd supported him. Yuki had to do something. The night couldn't end like this. He couldn't let Gabe go home thinking like this.

It wasn't about Yuki anymore.
This was about the both of them.

In a split second, Yuki fell into Gabe, kneeling as his friend sat and cradling his head like Gabe had done for him. This time he'd support his friend. He had to make up for it. Friends were equals, right? No debt left repaid. With this, maybe he could convey it. With this, maybe Gabe could...
"You're not a monster! You could never be a monster! I don't care what happened in the past, you can't...! You're not..." Dammit... was he crying again? But this time...the tears weren't for himself... "You're too good to be a monster, alright? I might not..." He tried to not say he didn't deserve Gabe again. Clearly Gabe didn't think that had anything to do with it. "I might not know exactly who you were, but you already told me from the start that you were different." He took Gabe's face in his hands, making sure his friend would look him in the eyes. A bit dramatic? Maybe, but the boy didn't care about things like that right now.
"...but I'm still here. Doesn't that mean something?"
He let go slowly. Did Gabe get it? Did he make himself clear enough? "Ever since we met, did you ever trick me? Did you ever do anything bad to me? The answer is no."

He managed a smile. "Even if it turned out you'd killed someone, I... I'd still trust the you in front of me right now."
 

ArcanaFate

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Gabe was frozen for a long moment. This had been such a shift from mere moments ago he didn't know what to do. Yuki was hugging him, being supportive and reassuring... it was nice. Gabe hadn't thought much about his past back in Halcyon or what he had done. It was easier to just bury those memories deep down, never take them seriously. Only joke about it and shrug it off. It didn't bother him. It wasn't an issue.

Gabe felt himself tear up again, Yuki now holding his face. It reminded him of home, of his best friend reminding him to pick himself back up after a particularly rough day. He sobbed a few times before shaking his head wildly. He didn't have time to cry. Pressing matters first, ugly sobbing later. He looked back to Yuki who was smiling at him, reassuring that they'd be friends even if Gabe had murdered someone. It was so genuine yet hilarious that Gabe couldn't help but laugh and sob at the same time. It was not a pretty sound.

"I... I haven't killed anyone that I'm aware of. But... I have hurt people. If you... if you really want to know, I'll tell you. Not today, but... some day. It's... it's a lot. But, thank you. I guess I needed this and didn't even know."

Gabe sniffed, curling his arms around Yuki and pulling him into a hug. "I usually dislike a lot of physical contact, but... I'm making an exception right now. Also, I'm freezing my butt off and we really need to start figuring how to get back to town before I start hibernatimg for the winter."
 

Hope the Bard

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It was strange, Yuki thought as Gabe hugged him, that a person he'd barely even known a week or two ago could suddenly feel so familiar to him. That he could feel comfortable with them so quickly. That their presence could just... put him at ease and make them feel so horrible yet good at the same time. Were they soulmates? You could have platonic soulmates, right? Where you sort of just...clicked somehow. It just worked.

He smiled. He probably shouldn't have felt so good that Gabe had cried too, but Yuki couldn't help feeling a huge relief that he wasn't the only one expressing strong emotion tonight. Other boys cried too, so he didn't have to be the only one that did. He actually giggled a bit once the moment was fully over.

"For someone who apparently hates contact, you sure do a lot of it." He smiled, laughing as he let go and offered Gabe a hand up. "You've hugged me more times than I can count on one hand, booped me on the nose, gotten so close I could feel your breath and let me hold your face without flinching. Are you sure you hate it?" He was just teasing at this point, glad that Gabe hadn't taken his explosion the wrong way.

Sure, he felt embarrassed, but it seemed like both of them kind of wanted to bury all of this under the rug again as soon as possible. Yuki was all but too happy to oblige.

Searching his pockets for a bit, Yuki managed to dig out a handwarmer. It had been a little banged up when he fell down the hill, but it looked fine enough. Hopefully it would still work. Turning it on, he handed it to Gabe. The boy wasn't that good with the cold, but it sounded like Gabe genuinely might need it, and badly. "...here. I don't want to have to carry you back home, and I don't even know where you live, so..." He said, blushing a little. If he thought about it, he really didn't know Gabe at all. Yuki decided to give Ace a call, since he wouldn't question the dirtied appearance of the boys or stop them from getting in the car. In fact, he'd probably help Yuki sneak back in without being noticed by his parents. Explaining his appearance was one conversation he did not want to be having with them. Ever. Especially not tonight.
 
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ArcanaFate

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Gabe raised a brow at Yuki's accusation. Did he actually want physical contact? He thought back to those he was closest to. Diego was a unique situation as the two of them were so close that it was surprising if they weren't physically touching in some manner. Angelo, while they were dating, also had been forward in his affections but Gabe would just become embarrassed at the attention. It was odd that with Yuki, he felt strangely okay with the physical aspect? Maybe the similarities between his and Diego's situations hit too close to home and Gabe just accepted it.

Or he was a bleeding heart who had trouble saying no.

"Oh? There's a difference between me initiating and someone else doing so. And I'm pretty sure I didn't hear you complain about it in the slightest." He huffed, but was clearly teasing in his tone. "Also, a nose boop is hardly the kind of physical contact I was referring to. And frankly, that last one in particular I don't want to talk about because I refuse to lose this argument."

Before Gabe could turn away in fake anger, Yuki had presented him with a hand warmer. He quietly activated it and held it close, feeling the warmth slowly resonate into his frigid hands. "...Thanks." The plant user remained quiet as his friend was able to call for someone to come pick them up. As soon as Yuki ended the call, Gabe moved up to stand next to Yuki.

"You cold? I can hand off the hand warmer if you need it, too. No sense in you freezing when we can just split it between us."
 
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